Hot Alpha Female

and actually be happy! ……

So we all at times can be a little controlling. And at other times we can also be a little bit of a FREAK. But overcoming being a control freak is not as hard as it sounds. It just takes a little bit of practice, patience and faith.

Now there is no better person to talk to you right now about control. Because me and control use to be the best of buddies. I made sure my partner at the time met my expectations and in return that control gave me the “so called security and safety” which deep down I craved. So how did he meet my expectations? I dragged him to personal development seminars, I put some ambition in him, I got him to eat healthier, dress smarter, act nicer … you name it and I did it. And at the end of it, I had a guy who I didn’t recognise nor respected because he didn’t have the guts to stand up for himself.
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Every week or two I will be answering a question from the Girls Ask Guys website. I personally love this place, there are so many questions, articles and things to do and read that cause a lot of inspiration for this blog.

So one of the questions asked on this was

Question: Girls, is there the perfect time/place to speak to women? Is there a chance to understand the other gender better?

Answer: Isn’t this the most debated topic like ever? What are the best pickup lines? When is the right time to approach a girl? What are the best things you can say to make yourself look cool?

So here is the thing …

The only reason why guys are where they are is because they have been asking the wrong questions!! …

Picking up and attracting the opposite sex isn’t about the way you look, what lines you use and what car you drive. While I will admit they do help .. they are not the end all.

What I’m talking about is an overall philosophy and attitude. What I’m talking about is a way of thinking and a way of life.

If you actually look at some of the most successful attraction/dating coaches you can see that they don’t really focus on the nitty gritty techniques. They don’t teach you what you should or should not say. But in a sense they teach you what you should and should not think.

Heres the other thing. It all start in your head. PUA’s always refer it to as the inner game. I call it … having a personality.

Most people will be unsuccessful in their life for a number of core reasons that if they just fixed they would see their life transform. so now you ask …

What are some of these core reasons?

Well for one its beliefs you hold about yourself and about the opposite sex in general. A lot of people who go want to know how to do better with the opposite sex find that it all starts with themselves.

What do you believe about yourself? Do you think that you are attractive? What are some of the qualities that you find appealing in yourself. What do you believe you are worthy of?

I know that I’m always coming back to “yourself”. But the only reason why I do this, is because THIS is where you have to start. If you are retarded in this area. Well that is going to reflect in your life. If you are smart and savvy in this area and you have beliefs that really serve you, then life is going to be an equal reflection of this too.

So relating back to the question.

No there is no right time for an approach. You can approach a chick anywhere anytime as long as you have a confident attitude to follow it up with. I would even go as far as to say, that you can say ANYTHING to a chick and provided that you can back it up with some sort of a personality, that it will work.

Because in your approach its not just what you say .. but its how you act and its how you come across. If you believe that “its on” and that you are confident, funny and charming … that’s probably something that you would be able to communicate in your approach. If on the other hand you approach a chick and the thoughts running through your mind are “she going to reject me”, “I’m going to look like an idiot”, “I have no idea how I’m going to convince her to like me” …. well then you are right.

You are not going to have a chance. The same goes for girls when it comes to dating. If all you think are needy and insecure thoughts about yourself and about relationships you are also going to communicate this across to the person that you are seeing. Like I always say. Its starts with YOU!

What do you guys reckon? In regards to what i said about approaches. Do you think that its about the overall game. Or are there some approaches that you think would work better or have worked better in the past?

Let me know your thoughts

Hot Alpha Female

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I’ve been bad. Real bad. So bad that I’m feeling a little guilty about the whole thing.

Well before I let your imagination run a little too wild, let me tell you what I’m referring to.

I’ve been getting insider information. I’m been learning all the tricks of the trade that I shouldn’t really know. Ok so I got my hands on some one on one interviews that David D has which he does with other successful PUA’s or naturals as he calls them.

Look I can’t help it. My brother is the one that is buying all this stuff and I end up being the one that reads and listens to it all!

You wanna know what I found out?

Its really quite shocking.

Ok here it is …

Its nothing that I didn’t already know. Its something that I have heard hundreds and hundreds of times. Its something that I have been doing without even knowing it.

You know what the first CD was referring to?

Well I’ll tell you. But you have to make sure that you are ready for it.

Basic social skills.

There I said it. Now let me explain.

A lot of guys and girls for that matter are always complaining about the fact that they can’t seem to attract the opposite sex.

Its becoming so bad that maybe there will be an epidemic that will break out soon. Who knows.

So here is the scenario. Guy or girl is frustrated that they are not getting the result they want with the opposite sex. Frustration leads to them either becoming depressed or searching for more meaning or a different way of doing things. Guys come across David Deangelo and buys his book “Double Your Dating” and girls come across Paige parker and buys “ Dating Without Drama”.

Then they think that all their problems are solved. Because they have got their hands on all the techniques they need to learn about how to better attract the opposite sex.

But that is exactly where they go wrong! You can’t get a ONE book to solve all of your problems and you can’t run before you can walk!

What do I mean by this? Well how bout before attempting to be cool with the opposite sex you learn some basic social skills. There are a lot of girls and guys out there that ARE shy and this is one of the reasons why its so hard for them to get a date or what not.

So how bout instead being a bit stud or an uber cool chick over night you look at improving your social skills on an everyday basis?

How bout you start with smiling at the cashier and striking up a conversation with them first and get them laughing. Then trying to get every Tom, Dick and Harry to come over to talk to you when you go out clubbing.

As always, I choose to lead by example so I talk the talk and walk the walk. So I implemented this new strategy even just today.

In his CD David D refers to breaking someone’s state and doing something out of the normal standards.

For example if someone asks “how you are going?” you reply with “ UNBELIEVABLE!” – And this breaks them out of their mundane and expected state.

Here are a couple of things that happened to me.

I was booking a show which is starring one of my friends and was talking to the booking agent. Firstly when I got on the phone I was bubbly and cheerful. I don’t know exactly what I said, but I didn’t ask her just how her day was going but something a bit more personal and out of the ordinary. Result? I spoke to her for the next 15 minutes, had lots of spontaneous laughs and by the end of it she had told me about some dirty before 30 party and we acted like we were new best friends or something.

Now I don’t go for chicks. Just in case you guys are wondering. But put aside the whole picking up the opposite sex and just look at relating to people in general. Don’t you find the more that you out yourself out there – the more you get in return?

Another example. A girl called my work. I was being miss PA. My boss was out and so I asked her if I could take a msg. Two seconds after that, put on a more casual tone and said .. “ well you know .. coz that’s what I’m here for, I’m the live and personal answering machine”. Result? Got her laughing. Started talking about something completely unrelated. And was part in making my day great.

Another example. Postman used to drop off the mail and slide it under the door at work. Did this for quite a while before I started working at the firm. When I did start working there I decided to greet him at the door and take the mail off him personally. I would usually ask how his day was going and whatever can to my mind at the time. I remember I gave him lots of friendly smiles. Result? Even when I’m on the phone and can’t get to the door he makes sure to come into the office and give me the mail personally. No more sliding mail under the door.

Now I know none of these are life changing experiences or anything. But these are some basic social skills that can help build your own confidence and make your day that much greater.

So for those of you that are disheartened that this whole learning how to attract the opposite sex is some huge and daunting task, why don’t you just spend your energy on making someone else’s day that much more enjoyable =) Maybe spend more time in trying to get a smile or a laugh out of someone. N each and everyday that you do that then pat yourself on the back and then try and do more.

Nothing breeds success like success.

Hot Alpha Female

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Photo Credit:Oth’s Photography

Its late and I’m tired. Yet this is when my creative juices are flowing the best! So here goes and please excuse any spelling mistakes(that goes for you lance!)So what do I mean to say that being real seals the deal?

Well I guess what I’m pointing at is that being vulnerable and honest makes you more able to relate to anyone and everyone on a wider basis. N I’ll cover the whole vulnerable thing with guys later on in this post.Putting dating and attraction aside, lets first just look at relating to people in general.

The fact is that when you show your own mis-forgivings first, talk about your own mistakes before criticizing someone elses and are empathetic to someone’s situation, you are able to relate to people a lot more. You are instantly much more likable.I think in business, in relationships and in life in general, we look at other people like they are impenetrable walls. We think that they are judgmental. We want to act cool and be above it all. Because that gives us a level of significance. When we get up and give a speech we want it to be perfect. We want to seem invincible.

Well here is the thing that I discovered, which I believe is one of the keys in being able to relate to people.

Be yourself, express who you really are and don’t be afraid to be different. I don’t know why we have it in our heads that we should be attempting to be someone that we are not. And the more that you can express your individualism the more that people will appreciate you for it.

Because you know what?

It takes guts to be who you really are. And when you have the guts to be yourself you also give that inspiration for someone else to do the same. Because you are able to accept yourself as you are and share that with them, they feel like they can do the same with themselves.

Your liberation helps to liberate others.

So how does all of this relate to dating?

Well it doesn’t ….

Just kidding =)

I guess in many ways for the girl, this means stop being so dam stuck up about yourself and just be genuine open and friendly. Stop being so guarded and be open to the possibility of have a nice and spontaneous conversation with a random guy that you just so happened to meet at the bus stop. Give more than you are willing to receive. Give someone a sincere compliment when you are given the opportunity. Attempt to make someone else’s day special. Stop judging and accept people for who they are. If you want to make an assumption about someone, make it a good honest and heart warming one.

Doing this will make you feel good. You know why? Coz it feels good to give.

And you know what feels even better than that??

Giving without the thought of receiving anything back. Giving for the sake of giving. Seriously guys you have to try it, its an amazing experience! Not only will it make your life fulfilling, but it will make you much happier. N well … what guy isn’t attracted to an open friendly and genuine girl?

Also it means, don’t try and be something that you are not. Don’t lose your sense of identity and individualism to please a guy. Don’t’ give up things that make you happy and that you enjoy to make someone else happy. Always remember to be real and to remember who you are.

Never forget that “ you are as good as the best and no better than the rest”.

Stop judging and start loving.

Now for the guys, I mentioned vulnerability. Well for you guys I’ll replace that word with honesty. I think that you really can still build attraction while being brutally honest with yourself and about yourself.

Its all about keeping it real.

No-one wants to be around a guy who lies or dodges the truth. N girls especially don’t like guys that have overly big ego’s and seem to have to win every fight and argument. Yes building attraction is about having a level of control, and I think in you retain that control, by being truthful and honest about who you are. Having a strong sense of self .. knowing your weaknesses and being able to acknowledge them, takes a lot of self esteem and confidence.

What girl doesn’t want that in her man?

So what do you guys think? You reckon vulnerability and honesty is a good or a bad thing in attracting an ideal partner or relating to other people in general? What have been some of your experiences with this?

Let me know your thoughts - because you know I’m listening.

Hot Alpha Female

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Hey guys. Can i just say that i love you all?! Sorry i haven’t been on this week. My life has been a little crazy! Just so you guys know, from now on i will only be posting on Mondays and Fridays. I might come out with little bonuses occasionally. But don’t worry I’ll also be making sure that i reply to all your comments too =)

With that said. Lets move onto the topic. Lol Don’t you just love my title? I actually got this inspiration from my best friend who was telling me about all the hot chicks that he was getting to meet when he had his flat up for rent.

N well it just made me think. I’ve kind of heard from a lot of my guy friends, that its just had to find good quality chicks. N well that just made me realise that basically perception is projection. Ok ok, so some of you must be thinking, what the freak does that mean? Well basically what you see in your mind is what you get! So if you think that there are some great quality chicks out there, the all you will see is some great quality chicks.

If you believe that all chicks are after your money or something that you have, then all you will find is some gold diggers. It is not until you change the thoughts in your head and the beliefs about yourself and what you are looking for that you will be able to attract the right person into your life.

Neways its late, so I’m kinda of going into a tangent here. LoL. But getting back on topic when my friend told me about how he was getting to meet all these really nice chicks, it just made me wonder. What are some of the weird and wonderful places and situations that you may have met someone special that you dated in the past or are currently dating?

When you found them, where they what you were looking for and you knew straight away, or did you not really like them at first and have to get used to them?

I’m always talking about me and my experiences. So now i wanna know about YOU guys and what some of YOUR experiences have been!!!

So everybody, its time to spill the goss. =)

Hot Alpha Female

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Ohhh boys are you going to love this one. I came across a very cool article in the Sunday telegraph called “Art of picking up women” that was talking about Attraction Coaches.

See the above picture there? Yeh taken in Sydney at a place where I actually hang out a lot. This guy is a PUA, an attraction coach .. and well what can I say he seems to be doing pretty well.

In fact he does look strangely familiar. I might have seen him working the rooms in the various clubs I go out dancing too. Who knows … Anyways so back to this article …

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This is the dating world. I’m sure there are plenty of myths out there, that are making people confused, frustrated and angry. But this is one, I believe is the juiciest. The biggest one. The one that stuffs the most people over.

Do you guys want to know what it is?

I’m going to give it to you ok?

Here it is …..

The Biggest Dating Myth Revealed - Let’s use a quote from a famous movie ….

You ready for it?!

Jerry Maguire : “You complete me”

Thats it. Right there. Doesn’t sound like much does it? But this quote screws people up left, right and center.

You know the only truth to this quote is that it is complete and utter rubbish! But the writer should be given some recognition, because it was quite romantic. Has a nice ring to it … but it couldn’t be more further from the truth.

Heres the thing, you have to want to date yourself before you can get anyone to date you. You have to love yourself before anyone will want to love you. I know its a simple concept, but everyone seems to get it wrong.

A lot of single people out there want to get themselves into a relationship so that they can feel happy. So that they can feel fulfilled. So that they feel that there is some meaning to their lives. If there is any myth about the dating game .. then thats it right there.

I’ve said this so many times in most of my posts. But if you want to attract your ideal partner, then you need to stop focusing on it! You need to start focusing on becoming the type of person that your ideal partner would want to want to be with.

Being single is great, because it allows you to uncover things about yourself that you couldn’t while being in a relationship. There are certain parts of you that still need working on. Maybe you have some old beliefs that are holding you back. Maybe when you get into a relationship you become too needy. Being single allows you to reflect and improve.

Once you have this high self respect and self love - then no one can ever take that away. That means that you have less of a need to hold back when it comes to relationships because you have nothing to lose. That means that you have more to give to your relationship because you are complete. Your glass is full and so now you can overflow that love and share it with others.

If you want to know what the biggest dating truth is .. that would it right there

What do you guys think? Let me know because you know - I’m listening =)

Hot Alpha Female

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