Hot Alpha Female

and actually be happy! ……

So we all at times can be a little controlling. And at other times we can also be a little bit of a FREAK. But overcoming being a control freak is not as hard as it sounds. It just takes a little bit of practice, patience and faith.

Now there is no better person to talk to you right now about control. Because me and control use to be the best of buddies. I made sure my partner at the time met my expectations and in return that control gave me the “so called security and safety” which deep down I craved. So how did he meet my expectations? I dragged him to personal development seminars, I put some ambition in him, I got him to eat healthier, dress smarter, act nicer … you name it and I did it. And at the end of it, I had a guy who I didn’t recognise nor respected because he didn’t have the guts to stand up for himself.
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Got ya with that headline right? Come-on, I’m a chick, I know the conversations we have over coffee or breakfast with the girlfriends, trying to figure out exactly what Mr. A is thinking and what he meant by saying that or doing this.

I must admit that girls love to fantasize. We love to make up stories in our head and hope for the best that it will turn out like that in reality.
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I’ve been bad. Real bad. So bad that I’m feeling a little guilty about the whole thing.

Well before I let your imagination run a little too wild, let me tell you what I’m referring to.

I’ve been getting insider information. I’m been learning all the tricks of the trade that I shouldn’t really know. Ok so I got my hands on some one on one interviews that David D has which he does with other successful PUA’s or naturals as he calls them.

Look I can’t help it. My brother is the one that is buying all this stuff and I end up being the one that reads and listens to it all!

You wanna know what I found out?

Its really quite shocking.

Ok here it is …

Its nothing that I didn’t already know. Its something that I have heard hundreds and hundreds of times. Its something that I have been doing without even knowing it.

You know what the first CD was referring to?

Well I’ll tell you. But you have to make sure that you are ready for it.

Basic social skills.

There I said it. Now let me explain.

A lot of guys and girls for that matter are always complaining about the fact that they can’t seem to attract the opposite sex.

Its becoming so bad that maybe there will be an epidemic that will break out soon. Who knows.

So here is the scenario. Guy or girl is frustrated that they are not getting the result they want with the opposite sex. Frustration leads to them either becoming depressed or searching for more meaning or a different way of doing things. Guys come across David Deangelo and buys his book “Double Your Dating” and girls come across Paige parker and buys “ Dating Without Drama”.

Then they think that all their problems are solved. Because they have got their hands on all the techniques they need to learn about how to better attract the opposite sex.

But that is exactly where they go wrong! You can’t get a ONE book to solve all of your problems and you can’t run before you can walk!

What do I mean by this? Well how bout before attempting to be cool with the opposite sex you learn some basic social skills. There are a lot of girls and guys out there that ARE shy and this is one of the reasons why its so hard for them to get a date or what not.

So how bout instead being a bit stud or an uber cool chick over night you look at improving your social skills on an everyday basis?

How bout you start with smiling at the cashier and striking up a conversation with them first and get them laughing. Then trying to get every Tom, Dick and Harry to come over to talk to you when you go out clubbing.

As always, I choose to lead by example so I talk the talk and walk the walk. So I implemented this new strategy even just today.

In his CD David D refers to breaking someone’s state and doing something out of the normal standards.

For example if someone asks “how you are going?” you reply with “ UNBELIEVABLE!” – And this breaks them out of their mundane and expected state.

Here are a couple of things that happened to me.

I was booking a show which is starring one of my friends and was talking to the booking agent. Firstly when I got on the phone I was bubbly and cheerful. I don’t know exactly what I said, but I didn’t ask her just how her day was going but something a bit more personal and out of the ordinary. Result? I spoke to her for the next 15 minutes, had lots of spontaneous laughs and by the end of it she had told me about some dirty before 30 party and we acted like we were new best friends or something.

Now I don’t go for chicks. Just in case you guys are wondering. But put aside the whole picking up the opposite sex and just look at relating to people in general. Don’t you find the more that you out yourself out there – the more you get in return?

Another example. A girl called my work. I was being miss PA. My boss was out and so I asked her if I could take a msg. Two seconds after that, put on a more casual tone and said .. “ well you know .. coz that’s what I’m here for, I’m the live and personal answering machine”. Result? Got her laughing. Started talking about something completely unrelated. And was part in making my day great.

Another example. Postman used to drop off the mail and slide it under the door at work. Did this for quite a while before I started working at the firm. When I did start working there I decided to greet him at the door and take the mail off him personally. I would usually ask how his day was going and whatever can to my mind at the time. I remember I gave him lots of friendly smiles. Result? Even when I’m on the phone and can’t get to the door he makes sure to come into the office and give me the mail personally. No more sliding mail under the door.

Now I know none of these are life changing experiences or anything. But these are some basic social skills that can help build your own confidence and make your day that much greater.

So for those of you that are disheartened that this whole learning how to attract the opposite sex is some huge and daunting task, why don’t you just spend your energy on making someone else’s day that much more enjoyable =) Maybe spend more time in trying to get a smile or a laugh out of someone. N each and everyday that you do that then pat yourself on the back and then try and do more.

Nothing breeds success like success.

Hot Alpha Female

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Photo Credit:Oth’s Photography

Its late and I’m tired. Yet this is when my creative juices are flowing the best! So here goes and please excuse any spelling mistakes(that goes for you lance!)So what do I mean to say that being real seals the deal?

Well I guess what I’m pointing at is that being vulnerable and honest makes you more able to relate to anyone and everyone on a wider basis. N I’ll cover the whole vulnerable thing with guys later on in this post.Putting dating and attraction aside, lets first just look at relating to people in general.

The fact is that when you show your own mis-forgivings first, talk about your own mistakes before criticizing someone elses and are empathetic to someone’s situation, you are able to relate to people a lot more. You are instantly much more likable.I think in business, in relationships and in life in general, we look at other people like they are impenetrable walls. We think that they are judgmental. We want to act cool and be above it all. Because that gives us a level of significance. When we get up and give a speech we want it to be perfect. We want to seem invincible.

Well here is the thing that I discovered, which I believe is one of the keys in being able to relate to people.

Be yourself, express who you really are and don’t be afraid to be different. I don’t know why we have it in our heads that we should be attempting to be someone that we are not. And the more that you can express your individualism the more that people will appreciate you for it.

Because you know what?

It takes guts to be who you really are. And when you have the guts to be yourself you also give that inspiration for someone else to do the same. Because you are able to accept yourself as you are and share that with them, they feel like they can do the same with themselves.

Your liberation helps to liberate others.

So how does all of this relate to dating?

Well it doesn’t ….

Just kidding =)

I guess in many ways for the girl, this means stop being so dam stuck up about yourself and just be genuine open and friendly. Stop being so guarded and be open to the possibility of have a nice and spontaneous conversation with a random guy that you just so happened to meet at the bus stop. Give more than you are willing to receive. Give someone a sincere compliment when you are given the opportunity. Attempt to make someone else’s day special. Stop judging and accept people for who they are. If you want to make an assumption about someone, make it a good honest and heart warming one.

Doing this will make you feel good. You know why? Coz it feels good to give.

And you know what feels even better than that??

Giving without the thought of receiving anything back. Giving for the sake of giving. Seriously guys you have to try it, its an amazing experience! Not only will it make your life fulfilling, but it will make you much happier. N well … what guy isn’t attracted to an open friendly and genuine girl?

Also it means, don’t try and be something that you are not. Don’t lose your sense of identity and individualism to please a guy. Don’t’ give up things that make you happy and that you enjoy to make someone else happy. Always remember to be real and to remember who you are.

Never forget that “ you are as good as the best and no better than the rest”.

Stop judging and start loving.

Now for the guys, I mentioned vulnerability. Well for you guys I’ll replace that word with honesty. I think that you really can still build attraction while being brutally honest with yourself and about yourself.

Its all about keeping it real.

No-one wants to be around a guy who lies or dodges the truth. N girls especially don’t like guys that have overly big ego’s and seem to have to win every fight and argument. Yes building attraction is about having a level of control, and I think in you retain that control, by being truthful and honest about who you are. Having a strong sense of self .. knowing your weaknesses and being able to acknowledge them, takes a lot of self esteem and confidence.

What girl doesn’t want that in her man?

So what do you guys think? You reckon vulnerability and honesty is a good or a bad thing in attracting an ideal partner or relating to other people in general? What have been some of your experiences with this?

Let me know your thoughts - because you know I’m listening.

Hot Alpha Female

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Hey guys. Can i just say that i love you all?! Sorry i haven’t been on this week. My life has been a little crazy! Just so you guys know, from now on i will only be posting on Mondays and Fridays. I might come out with little bonuses occasionally. But don’t worry I’ll also be making sure that i reply to all your comments too =)

With that said. Lets move onto the topic. Lol Don’t you just love my title? I actually got this inspiration from my best friend who was telling me about all the hot chicks that he was getting to meet when he had his flat up for rent.

N well it just made me think. I’ve kind of heard from a lot of my guy friends, that its just had to find good quality chicks. N well that just made me realise that basically perception is projection. Ok ok, so some of you must be thinking, what the freak does that mean? Well basically what you see in your mind is what you get! So if you think that there are some great quality chicks out there, the all you will see is some great quality chicks.

If you believe that all chicks are after your money or something that you have, then all you will find is some gold diggers. It is not until you change the thoughts in your head and the beliefs about yourself and what you are looking for that you will be able to attract the right person into your life.

Neways its late, so I’m kinda of going into a tangent here. LoL. But getting back on topic when my friend told me about how he was getting to meet all these really nice chicks, it just made me wonder. What are some of the weird and wonderful places and situations that you may have met someone special that you dated in the past or are currently dating?

When you found them, where they what you were looking for and you knew straight away, or did you not really like them at first and have to get used to them?

I’m always talking about me and my experiences. So now i wanna know about YOU guys and what some of YOUR experiences have been!!!

So everybody, its time to spill the goss. =)

Hot Alpha Female

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Girls. Ever wonder why there some chicks that you know, that just seem to be getting all the attention from the guys? They always have someone hitting on them. They always are the first to be picked up at clubs. N pretty much get any guy that they want.

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Lance found me this very cool post called Men need to grow up?! which talks about what makes us more attractive to the opposite sex? Well as you know I have a lot of say about this!

So hope you guys ready!! Lets dive into it! …

How many times do we hear people complain that they are single? That they are lonely? That they are just plain desperate? Is it because they are unattractive?

Well in my answer to that I would say Yes and No.

So here is the thing guys.

I’m going to tell you the truth once and for all…

What defines attraction? Is it purely based on looks? Despite what many people may think, its one of the things that can cause attraction, but not the only thing. I think the one characteristic that creates the most attraction is a magnetic personality. And well just how do we learn to nourish and magnetise our personality?

Well lets start with replacing all those questions with jsut this one.

Would I want to date date myself? And answer that for me honestly. If you are finding that you don’t like the answer .. then THAT is the reason why you are single and maybe not so attractive to the opposite sex.

With that, I want to leave you guys with a final thought. That is if you want a kind, loyal, genuine guy than focus on becoming a more kind loyal and genuine person. Become the person that your ideal partner would want to date. This takes the pressure of being single and puts the focus back on you.

That is what makes you attractive. That is what captivates that guy.

And that is one of those most sexiest, sauciest ways to magnetise a guy into your life.

To happy, exciting, spontaneous and fulfilling relationships!

This was part of a group post - where a number of bloggers took on the challenge of writing what they thought would create attraction in the opposite sex. Check them out as they all have really great answers =)

Lance: 5 Ways To Be More Attractive, Stop Sucking, and Dominate Your Life

Honey: What Women Are Looking For…Hell, Men Too!

Monica O’Brien: What Women Really Want In A Man

Nick Sparks: Blogger Roundtable

Lisa Q: How to Get the Girl…Advice for Men

Lisa Q: How to Get the Guy…Advice for the Ladies

Lance: Weekend Roundup: Thanks To Our Peeps Edition

Natalie Lue: 4 key things that make you attractive…or unattractive

Hot Alpha Female

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So lets look at the above image. Isn’t it sweet? Picture Perfect right?

WRONG!

Why?

Let me explain ……

So as you all know 2008 is a leap year. And as part of tradition this means that on 29th Feb as a girl you can propose to your guy.

Now here is the thing. Im all about being an Alpha Female. With that comes a little bit of a dominant personality trait. Some people may think that Alpha Females have more masculine traits in them. Well whatever …The fact of the matter is that as an Alpha Female, I would never ever ever propose to my partner. I don’t care what day it is. I don’t care about leap years. I don’t care how long we have been dating. To me – proposals are done by the man.

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Girls, I think you have been waiting for this one! As some of you might know I just completed an interview over at Im2ortal’s Blog where I answered a number of questions that from a female perspective that I’m sure lots of guys would want to know.

So as part of that interview, Im2ortal also agreed to answers some questions that i know there are a lot of girls are dying to know! I’m very excited about it, because its very rare when he get to have a look at what goes on in a guy’s head!

N believe me this guy totally know where he is coming from. So in this two part serious we are going to uncover things such as what guys like in a girl, whether its really true if guys are scared of commitment and what we can do about it!!

Everyone ready? ….

Lets get started!

Tell us a little about Im2ortal as a person. What makes him do what he does. What’s the story behind the guy?

Hmmmm,this is probably going to be the toughest questions of all, because I have a hard time when I have to describe myself. Anyway, let me try, but feel warned that I may go heavy on this…

I am outgoing and straight-shooter type. Enthusiastic and excitable I live in a world of action. Straight forward, risk-taker who is willing to get his hands dirty. I see rules and laws as guidelines for my behavior, rather than mandatory and I would doggedly stick to my principles. I like to lead, rather than being led, but I would also do anything for my friends, as long as it is reasonable. Also I am extremely honest, to the point I may hurt somebody by speaking my mind … but after all, it’s for the “greater good”.

Enough for Im2ortal as a person, because it is starting to look like an online dating profile already! Here is how I got to the point I am writing in my blog, giving dating tips for men…

Honestly, when I was growing up I never felt any urge to run after girls or something. I just was not interested yet. As you may suggest already, that attitude attracted lots of girls around me. It created a vacuum that sucked attention from all kinds of sources, while I was focused on my own life. Literally, I had girls willing to meet me and I was rejecting them. So my belief system got a nice boost from it.

Of course after a couple of years I finally got interested in women and dating. Right, now I can say that I love women and I absolutely mean it. Anyway I met a girl that I really liked just before New Year’s Eve. And then I messed up!

It took me a month to call her out. I was building comfort, rather than attraction; I was talking her into liking me, instead of the other way around and such. So after a month we kissed finally and it was mostly initiated by her. Next thing you know, we are chasing each other, having fun; I am being sweet and wonderful and stuff … and she dumped me on New Years Eve. You know … the whole “I-like-you-but-lets-just-be-friends” talk. And after two days, I see her kissing with a friend of mine, in front of me and that brought me down.

I remember how I was not able to see what was going on. All I thought is how much of a nice guy I was. I blamed it on her … as I got depressed and my ego got sub-zero.

I will not give you all the details, but that was a turning point in my life. After this moment, I decided to step up and take “fate” in my own hands.

There was a book on my hard drive that I bought before I met her, but never got the time to read it all. The book was called Double Your Dating, by David DeAngelo. So I took the book, and I read it in a single breath. What was in this book, seemed so unreal for me, that I did not believe at first, but I tried it anyway. Then I decided to change myself and my behavior. I understood what I did wrong.

After this I was empowered. I’ve jumped into more of his material. After that I found that there is a whole community of men, trying to help each other in that area and that was the PUA Community.

Now it’s been more than a year since my change and right now, I feel more than great. Because trying to improve this area of your life actually boosts all other areas of your life, it changes your lifestyle. Currently I enjoy the success I want and most importantly I believe that now I understand the basics of attraction, connecting with women and such.

Tell us what you hope to achieve through your dating blog …

There are two main reasons for the existence of this blog and why I am passionate about it!

First one is that I believe that you should pass your experience and knowledge to others. When you learn something and when you teach it to others after that, you are being able to get an even deeper understanding of that. It is a way of consciously evolving and that is my personal reason for writing my blog.

You probably can guess the second reason. I just want to help, to contribute to other men around the world. Because there is no need for every man to be frustrated as I was. And if there is a 5% of my blog that would eventually help someone I will be glad and I believe in my blog on 100 percent!

What characteristics do men find most appealing in a girl?

There is a saying, that a man won’t sleep with a woman, unless HE FINDS her physically attractive. I use “he finds” because every man has his own standards on that. Take me for example – I love very dark eyes that are almost black, because I like the way they shine, at night, because of the moon or street lights, when you make her smile. But hey, that is just me. Every train has its passengers! If you hear a man, who says he does not care at ALL about the looks of a girl, then be sure that he lies, or is just seeking approval by being sweet and wonderful.

Next in the list of characteristics that I believe is how much a woman is feminine. I would not like a girl that tries to take the opposite role, pretending to be what she is not. I believe that REAL MEN are attracted only to REAL WOMEN! In other words, masculine traits can not attract me.

Being romantic and nurturing. I believe that I am a romantic after all. If you ask me, there should be a really good emotional connection between a man and a woman. I would not go after a girl if I don’t believe there is a chance for a strong and cool connection between me and her…

Fun and outgoing. Every guy likes it when his girl laugh at his jokes, or when she is fun herself. There is not much to be explained here, it’s obvious.

What makes you want to pursue a girl or makes you want to approach her?

Let’s start with the approach. To be honest, I’ve never thought about that …

It is mostly coming from an internal desire, like a spark. You actually see a woman and if you can’t turn your head away. Our paradox is that we feel that desire and the approach anxiety at the same time, so we have to deal with it. Most guys would just walk away at that point, the harder thing to do is to actually beat your approach anxiety and approach the girl.

When you are in an approach situation, you have never met that girl before, so you can’t really know what she is like in person. All you see is how she looks and how she holds herself. Beauty is common, but what really stands out is a girl, that takes care of herself. Go to the gym 2-3 times a week, visit the beauty saloons and etc. you know those stuff better that me, anyway! It will make you feel better and you will have a cooler vibe!

As you know, you can gauge a man’s masculinity by his body language. It is the same for women on femininity. It’s expressed by her posture, by her gestures, her social skills and etc!

Now, pursuit is a whole different matter. I would be willing to pursue a girl if she acts unexpected, or plays a little bit too hard to get or if she is not available all the time. Add a bit of mystery to it and … I’m lost.

The result is going to be this interesting chase, a game of push-pull, played on both fields. This, I believe can be achieved by following your advice, about learning the rules of the dating “game” ……….

Are you girls loving this or what? Well in the next post we are going to finish off the interview and cover things such as … what freaks guys out!! Is they are really scared of commitment and why sometimes they tend to act rather strange … It should be great!

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Be speaking to you guys soon

Hot Alpha Female

This post I have to admit is inspired by Paige Parker the author of the e-book Dating Without Drama. She sends out a weekly newsletter that always answers some very valuable questions that her readers have. You can sign up to her newsletter here .. don’t worry its free!! One of the articles that I was reading from her .. was called “Things that can freak any guy out”. After I finished a quiet chuckle, it really made me think about this issue.When it comes to dating there are so many rules and so many things that we could get totally wrong. The problem with girls, is that we start acting too needy and too commitment ready.
The problem with guys is that they start acting too needy and too wussy. In some ways you can see the similarities in this situation.But in this post I really wanted to cover some of the things, which I believe chicks do wrong when it comes to casually dating someone.

Number One Mistake - Having The Conversation
I’m sure there are a lot of girls out there that have made this mistake. Hey even I have!!! But after making it I was smart enough to realize that this was the surest way to screw up a potential relationship…

For those of you that don’t know what talk I’m talking about. I’m referring to the situation where you say to this guy your seeing “Where is this relationship going?”.

I know when it comes to new relationships it can be a scary and a vulnerable time, because we don’t know where we stand. But asking a guy this and pressuring him to be more committed than what he already is … is only going to make him run out the door.

Here’s the thing girls, guys don’t like to be pressured in that department. If they so much as smell the scent of a commitment crazed women, they are going to be out of there before you even get to finish the sentence.

Instead I would say that when you are dating, be happy with the pace of the relationship. Be excited that you don’t know where it is going. Be thrilled that to an extent you can’t plan how good or bad this relationship is going to be.

And the more that you sit back and relax, then the more the guy will want to take it to the next level. You just have to let him.

Of course there is always the chance that he isn’t into you as much as you are him. But if you find that he is taking his sweet ass time, then simply don’t attempt to pursue a long term relationship with this guy, because he isn’t worth it.

Number Two - Developing Amnesia
Heres the funny thing. When some chicks get into relationships. They all of a sudden get amnesia and forget who they are. They start being like their boyfriend or attempt to be something that they are not.

Let me just say that while there is myth that guys don’t like independent and confident women .. The truth is that they LOVE it. They don’t want some chick who just says yes to everything that they say. Who worships them and wants to spend all their free time with them.

Guys love girls that have their own life and their own sense of personality. They don’t want you to become more like them. A guy you are dating should like you just the way you are. No better and no less.

If you find someone who doesn’t appreciate you like this, then its probably best that you ditch them now.

Number three - Invading His Space
Don’t get me wrong. Starting to date someone is an exciting stage in the relationship. Especially during the honey moon phase. You know the period where you can’t stop thinking about him and your in goo goo gaa gaa land.

Even though your feelings at this point in time can be really strong its good to remember that you need to give your guy space.

Guys are a little slower in the commitment arena and like I said before they don’t like pressure. When you see them all the time and are in constant contact with them … this inkling thought comes across their mind that they are going to lose their independence and who they are as a person.

They start thinking that HE .. will become a WE .. and this scares him.

So my advice would be, even though you want to be with your guy 24/7, resist the temptation to be in contact with him all the time.

The best line that comes to mind in regards to this topic is “How can I miss you, if you wont go away!”.

Give the guy the gift of missing you … and you will notice that he will be much more appreciative of the time that you do get to spend together.

So with that said let me know what your thoughts are. Girls what have been your experiences with this? Guys do you agree with what I have to say .. do you have anything to add to it?

I would appreciate your thoughts and as always- I’m listening.

Hot Alpha Female

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