In 2008, I needed to start this blog. Because someone (and that someone was going to have to be me) needed to speak about the truth. Someone needed to tell the truth, no matter how blunt, how painful or how terrifying that would be. Read more »
“Nothing comes ahead of its time, and nothing ever happened that didn’t need to happen.”~ Byron Katie
Recently, a few of my close friends have been going through relationship breakups. Most of them are handling it well and learning a lot in the process. Having this at the forefront of my mind has caused me to think about relationships in a perspective that may be helpful for those of you going through a recent breakup or still trying to overcome one that happened a while ago.
Principle One: The purpose of relationships is growth.
This is a massive concept. So, I thought I would give it to you first (so you can spend the rest of the post digesting it). I could also follow it up with these next two statements:
Relationships are fluid rather than concrete. Relationships are about the process rather than the destination.
If I were to ask people what they think relationships are really about, they might answer along the lines of: “To be with someone who loves me unconditionally”, or “To be with someone who makes me happy”, or “To be with someone who makes me feel secure”, etc. And, the kind of unspoken general consensus of how one should tackle relationships is to, “Find the one you want to be with as quickly and as efficiently as possible”. With this last statement in mind it could easily be concluded that any relationship that didn’t serve a lifetime is considered to be a “failed relationship”.
But, what if every relationship served its own purpose? What if every relationship gave you an opportunity to grow? What is every past relationship was a stepping stone to something new and more desirable? What if every relationship you ever experienced was the perfect one that you needed to be with at the time?
If you think about your past relationships that have ended and apply this new perspective, you may just find some rare and beautiful gems of how each of these relationships have served you and helped you grow. Click here to read more »
“All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them.” ~ Walt Disney
Maybe it’s not a question you have ever asked yourself – but this year, I would say it’s one question that you should. Have you noticed that life does NOT wait around for you? It’s always on a lightning fast course and you can choose to jump on the train or get left behind.
Therefore, it’s always important to consciously create the kind of life that you want. And, it’s equally important to consciously create the kind of man you WANT TO BECOME.
Why is this important in attracting a great quality woman? Because the quality of woman you attract will depend on the quality of man that you are.
You want better quality women? Then become the kind of man that she would be attracted to. This is the fundamental principle that you must grasp and apply in your life. It’s not just good enough to know this principle. You have to apply it in your life – you have live and breathe it.
So, I ask you again … What kind of man will you be this year? Now, I’m not saying that you have to revamp your entire life or personality. I’m just talking about maybe one or two qualities that you would really like to work on this year.
Would you like to be more proactive this year? Would you like to say YES to more things rather than the standard “no”? Would you like to be more assertive this year? Would you like to add new people to your life? Would you like to get rid of people in your life who are not serving you in any positive way? Would you like to get your body into a physical health and shape that you are proud of? Would you like to take more risks this year in the financial arena, in the relationship arena, in your personal arena? Would you like to finally do that ONE thing that you have always wanted to do – that you have always found an excuse to put off …. until now? Click here to read more »
Love is flow and walls keep the flow out
~ Deepak Chopra
I recently wrote a newsletter for my exclusive readers about how to be the “complete package” (become an exclusive reader here). This was a little different from a lot of the articles, posts, and newsletters that I usually write about. The reason for this was that it was based on some of the more “superficial” things that help attract a woman. Things like your overall appearance, your competencies, and making your home more women friendly. Throughout this newsletter however I did emphasize first and foremost what is MOST important in attracting a woman. And, that being your confidence, presence, and charm. This is something that nice cologne or an interesting skill-set CANNOT compensate for.
And, on the topic of things that cannot be compensated for I wanted to talk about “finding love” or rather, “finding that special woman to love”. I know that a lot of you are in this place right now. Many of you are looking for ways you can attract that wondrous woman into your life that will somehow strip away the loneliness that none of you would outwardly like to admit exists.
And, while I talk about developing your presence, widening your skill set, building more self-esteem, and understanding women – all of these WILL NOT make much of a difference: until one thing happens. Click here to read more »
This post isn’t going to be about how to attract a woman. I’m not going to talk about attraction triggers. I’m not going to talk about building your self-confidence. And, there won’t be any insights on getting inside her head. But in a roundabout way, this post inevitably will help your relationships with women. That’s because this post is about YOU. And, since “you” are the core basis of how you feel in your own world, how you perceive your world, and how you interact with your world – having a concrete sense of who you are and what’s important to you – just screams attractiveness to women, men, and basically everyone you encounter.
I recently read a post (which I can’t seem to find again but I will update this post when I do) which was on how to define the difference between what you “want” and what you “yearn” for. I’m sure you have asked yourself the question on many occasions – “What is it that I want?” In fact, you’ve probably answered this question so many times that your answers are automatic and in some ways emotionless. In essence, the post I read points out the difference between asking yourself, “What do I want?” and answering the question, “What do I really yearn for?” Even though it’s a simple substitute of a few words the impact is completely different.
So, how do you answer the question of, “What do I want”. The first answers that may spring to your head may be: I want a girlfriend, I want my ex-girlfriend back, I want a date, I want sex, I want that cool car, I want to be like that other guy, I want that job promotion, or I want a sundae.
But is that what you really want? Or, is what you are really yearning for is the feeling associated with “what you believe” that particular person or thing will give you? Click here to read more »
“Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.” ~ Theodore Roosevelt
You like this girl. Maybe she is a friend. Maybe she is someone you’ve already taken on a first date. Maybe she is someone who walked past you at college or at work and you already feel like you want her and you want her now. But here is the dilemma. You don’t know how to get her to the next stage. In the pick up community they call this escalating. Moving from one point to another in a forward direction. For example, from an approach to a number; from a conversation on the phone to a date; from a date to the bedroom; and so on. And, it’s during this process that can be really hard. Sometimes you don’t know where the next step is. Sometimes you don’t know if you can move forward (because some of you are scared of). Sometimes it’s because you are experiencing resistance and you don’t know what to do about it.
So here is an action plan for those of you that are in this position or have ever found yourself in this position in the past and exactly how to get out of it.
Evaluate what situation is in front of you.
Sometimes, when we are so focused on a goal and getting there you can lose sight of why you wanted it in the first place. For instance, maybe you had a goal of meeting this woman – because you think that having her in your life would make you are much happier person. Yet in the process of trying to get her into your life you are making yourself miserable. So, I ask you, “What is the point?” Part of evaluating the situation in front of you allows you to gain some perspective. It allows you to sit back and assess the situations. Sometimes having multiple opinions and perspectives can help with this process. Doing this will help you regain control over your emotions and consciously help you decide in which direction you would like to go. Click here to read more »
A big part of what I talk about revolves around this idea of indifference. Now, this can be quite tricky to apply if you don’t understand the basic premise behind it. I often see and observe men who have read a pick up book or have seen a cool 5 minute video on youtube and want to try out this whole “Act like I’m disinterested even though I really am”. And, usually it backfires in their face leaving the girl irritated, confused, and thinking “What is with that dude?” Heck, I’ve even seen my own brother try to do it with his current girlfriend, and I just shake my head and say to him, “She’ll see straight through it”. And, guess what? She usually does.
Where is she? There are more than 3 billion women on this planet why can’t I just find ONE! I’m sure that has probably gone through your head at one point in time. And, I know how frustrating it can be. So, this post is for the frustrated man who just can’t see to find that special women. Let’s take a look at an email a gentleman named R sent me …
I wouldn’t say that I’ve mastered attraction, but I have exercised it enough that for the first time in my life women are finding me attractive and I at least know enough to keep improving. Attraction isn’t my issue, and as I read more I find the gurus constantly going over old ground but never addressing what I believe is the massive bottleneck in my dating life.
Where the expletive deleted are all the single women?
I’m not meeting them. The world that I live in seems to be entirely populated by couples and single men, and every effort I have ever made over the years to meet single women has just brought me into contact with single men out looking for women with the same idea as me. For example, I took up jive dancing recently (which I love) but the classes are full of IT guys and the women are outnumbered.
I live in Oxford in the UK, a university city, there must be tens of thousands of young women here. Maths tells me that there must be a number of single women out there to equal all these men but try as I might I just can’t find them. An abundance mentality self-deception can only be pushed so far before it seems a bit ridiculous in these circumstances!
Do you have any thoughts on this? If you were the woman for me how and where am I supposed to find you? Is it possible to build a lifestyle where attractive single women are automatically coming to me? If so how?
It was hard to think about what to write in response to this email – but only if I believe your story about not being able to find attractive single women.
And, I don’t.(And, I’ll show you how this can benefit you in the long run and help you find that woman or those women)
Let’s answer the age old question, “Why do women like drama?” Now, if you ask a typical woman this, she will respond with quite a shocked look on her face and say something like, “Not all women like drama!!” And, then she would probably hint somehow that she was the exception. To which I would warn you that it’s the woman who say things like this – that are actually more inclined to engage in extremely dramatic behavior. And, drama can come in all sorts of forms. Sometimes it’s obvious and other times much more subtle than you could ever imagine.
So, let me eliminate all the confusion when I say, “ALL woman want and need attention!” Whether it’s overt or covert please just understand that on the core biological and primal level of a woman: it’s what she truly craves.
It’s my belief these subconscious primal urges aid a woman to elicit the help of men or women around them. Women seek attention and they test to see how much attention they can attract so they can be rest assured that when a time comes where they need HELP, they will be able to effortlessly receive it.
A reader asks …
I am getting kind of confused with how to deal with this “sh*t testing.” It seems like it would be hard to find that balance between being an understanding and “not taking the sh*t from the girl.”
At the understanding side, someone could take that too far and end up being a door mat. But, on “not taking the sh*t from the girl” side, someone could take that too far and come across as insensitive of what the girl is going through or why she is reacting in that way. Thanks again, Matt
Matt, I would say that you really need to assess the situation. I can’t give you a manual on all the situations a woman will engage in that will indicate that she is sh*t testing you. The action could be the same – yet the intention she has for it could be different. This is where you are really going to have to use your judgment.
It’s not a matter of, “Why is she really sh*t testing me” and more of a matter of, “How do I choose to respond to this?” If you always choose to respond with presence – you will win 100% of the time. Click here to read more »