Advice For Guys

7 Ways to Make the MOST of the Relationship You’ve Got

Happiness is having what you want, and wanting what you have ~ Josh Bullings

 

When you first meet someone you really like and this time the feeling is mutual – it can be a bit of a whirlwind. It’s easy to see all the things you like about them. It’s easy to spend time with them and for it be exciting, surprising, and fun. And, once things start to transition over to something a little more serious – sometimes the relationship can lose it’s original sheen. You have your first argument. You start doing the things that you were doing before you got caught up in the romance. Things start to settle down a bit. So, what can you do to keep that relationship alive, happy, and still exciting? How can you really make the MOST of the relationship that you’ve got? Here are a few key tips (7 actually) that will help keep you on the right track.

1.Be authentic.

Ok, so it sounds so cliché BUT it’s really important, so I’m going to remind you anyways. Remember to stay true to yourself and your values. I could also say it like this: “You have a freak flag – so let it fly”. Don’t try to be something that you are not. Don’t try and mould yourself into some fantasy version of a man that your girlfriend wants. You may think, “If can change this one thing – then she will be happy”. But the problem with that is – you make one change and then she will want to change something else. And, then at the end of the day you won’t know who you are and she won’t know who you are either. Make sure that if you want to make more positive changes about yourself or in your life that you are in alignment with what you really value and not just because you “think” it will make the relationship better. When you stay true to yourself and what’s important to you – you have more to offer the relationship. Have the courage to stand up for what you believe in and when the opportunity arises choose the option that feels best for you and most true for you. Click here to read more »

The indirect way to getting everything you ever wanted ….

This post isn’t going to be about how to attract a woman. I’m not going to talk about attraction triggers. I’m not going to talk about building your self-confidence. And, there won’t be any insights on getting inside her head. But in a roundabout way, this post inevitably will help your relationships with women. That’s because this post is about YOU. And, since “you” are the core basis of how you feel in your own world, how you perceive your world, and how you interact with your world – having a concrete sense of who you are and what’s important to you – just screams attractiveness to women, men, and basically everyone you encounter.

I recently read a post (which I can’t seem to find again but I will update this post when I do) which was on how to define the difference between what you “want” and what you “yearn” for. I’m sure you have asked yourself the question on many occasions – “What is it that I want?” In fact, you’ve probably answered this question so many times that your answers are automatic and in some ways emotionless. In essence, the post I read points out the difference between asking yourself, “What do I want?” and answering the question, “What do I really yearn for?” Even though it’s a simple substitute of a few words the impact is completely different.

So, how do you answer the question of, “What do I want”. The first answers that may spring to your head may be: I want a girlfriend, I want my ex-girlfriend back, I want a date, I want sex, I want that cool car, I want to be like that other guy, I want that job promotion, or I want a sundae.

But is that what you really want? Or, is what you are really yearning for is the feeling associated with “what you believe” that particular person or thing will give you? Click here to read more »

Make Yourself SCARCE!

“Time is your most precious gift because you only have a set amount of it. You can make more money, but you can’t make more time. When you give someone your time, you are giving them a portion of your life that you’ll never get back. Your time is your life.”
~Rick Warren

Let me set the scenario. You meet a girl and you are in the process of getting to know her. Maybe you have had a couple of conversations. Maybe you have been on a couple of dates already. Maybe she is your friend that you would really prefer to get out of the friend zone with. And, the kicker is: You don’t know how to take attraction with her to the next level. You don’t know from how you can go from being the friend or the guy is going on dates with to girlfriend. You don’t even know on how to get going in that direction.

So, here is a tip that I want all of you to remember. Sometimes the reason it’s so hard for you to see how to move the relationship forward is because you are so scared of screwing it up. You want to do the right thing. You want to do the thing that is going to work. You want to push her off the fence, without having to do any work.

I can understand that. Of course you want to do what works. Of course you don’t want to rock the boat. But it’s that very psychology which will trap you in dating (limbo) and the friend zone time and time again.

Guys that get the girl are fence pushers. They escalate. They move forward. They face the risk of things not always going their way. They do what they want and NOT what they think she wants.

So, now I’m going to share with you a way that you get off that fence. Where you can put the control back in your hands and end the insanity. It’s simple, it’s proven, and it works. Click here to read more »

Where to draw the line …

“Men acquire a particular quality by constantly acting in a particular way.”
~ Aristotle

So, for those of you that have been following me for a while, you would understand that I put particular emphasis on developing skills like: presence, assertiveness, and strength. What I often get asked is HOW to display this on a daily basis, particularly during interactions with women.

First,  let me say that by displaying such skills comes from working on something “inside” rather than focusing on something the “outside”.  It also doesn’t necessarily come from just doing a whole bunch of random things differently. It comes from selecting specific and particular areas of yourself and your life and masterfully putting the right pieces together.

So, what I’m saying is that developing these qualities is like art. It takes a level of skill, finesse, and experience to bring all different components of your life together. So, for those of you that are coming from a quick fix mindset of “developing presence” overnight – then you have come to the wrong place because something this great takes a little time, a lot of courage, and some serious application.

With that little disclaimer in mind,  let’s continue on with one way you can start developing your presence. I’m sure you have heard a lot about the term self-discipline and all the fancy definitions of it. What I believe to be the true definition of self discipline is holding yourself accountable. In  a sense, it’s making and keeping certain promises to yourself. When you can do this, you have more integrity with yourself and therefore, create a space where other people are more likely to hold you to it as well. Click here to read more »

Getting To The Next Level …

“Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.”
~ Theodore Roosevelt

You like this girl. Maybe she is a friend. Maybe she is someone you’ve already taken on a first date. Maybe she is someone who walked past you at college or at work and you already feel like you want her and you want her now. But here is the dilemma. You don’t know how to get her to the next stage. In the pick up community they call this escalating. Moving from one point to another in a forward direction. For example, from an approach to a number; from a conversation on the phone to a date; from a date to the bedroom; and so on. And, it’s during this process that can be really hard. Sometimes you don’t know where the next step is. Sometimes you don’t know if you can move forward (because some of you are scared of). Sometimes it’s because you are experiencing resistance and you don’t know what to do about it.

So here is an action plan for those of you that are in this position or have ever found yourself in this position in the past and exactly how to get out of it.

Evaluate what situation is in front of you.
Sometimes, when we are so focused on a goal and getting there you can lose sight of why you wanted it in the first place. For instance, maybe you had a goal of meeting this woman – because you think that having her in your life would make you are much happier person. Yet in the process of trying to get her into your life you are making yourself miserable. So, I ask you, “What is the point?” Part of evaluating the situation in front of you allows you to gain some perspective. It allows you to sit back and assess the situations. Sometimes having multiple opinions and perspectives can help with this process. Doing this will help you regain control over your emotions and consciously help you decide in which direction you would like to go. Click here to read more »

I think I flunked a Sh*t Test.

“A man’s errors are his portals of discovery.”
~ James Joyce

Hi Jennifer,

First a big thank you. I have bought both the dollar guide and the course for $99. They have changed my perception not just on girls but on life especially with the “be the best man you can philosophy”. I have been living in the dark ages till then.

However! I would just mention one bad experience. I became very pro-active with one girl in my office. We lunched and she became open friendly and yielding. We frequently went to lunch and became close. However as she was going to be absent from the office for 6 months we did not my mutual consent take matters further although remained very close. In the last two days at the office though she hit me with a major sh*t test. She became cold and pre-occupied. I rode this out with smiles and gentle comments and with an hour before she was due to leave she gave me a smile that would have melted an Arctic icecap.

But I flunked it Jennifer. In that moment I resented what I felt was manipulative and controlling behavior. So I didn’t say goodbye and avoided her. I sent her an email saying I was sorry to miss saying goodbye but she did not respond when she frequently had done so before. Now I feel as though I have behaved foolishly and perhaps hurt her.

It goes to show how careful you must be with sh*t tests. But do you have any sympathy for my initial reaction based on what I thought was flaky behavior from her?

J.

Click here to read more »

What Keeps The Spark and Attraction Alive?

“Each of us has a spark of life inside us, and our highest endeavor ought to be to set off that spark in one another.” ~Kenny Ausubel


Being able to create attraction is one thing. But, being able to maintain it is another. If someone were to ask me, “Which more is more difficult?” my answer would be the latter. Too often couples start with an amazing spark/connection/attraction for each other only to have it fizzle out a week, a month, a year, or 10 years from now. Is there really a formula which will enable attraction to keep on going forever? I don’t know all the answers, not even close but I would like to share with you all some of the things I believe are key to maintaining that attraction in the long term.

Now, I’m not going to go down the traditional route of all the typical relationship advice and say things like communication, listening, and understanding are all required. It’s pretty obvious that all of these are important. And, I don’t want to spend much more time on it because quite frankly I’m bored of it. Yes, they are all important. In fact, they help keep a couple bonded together and connected in various ways. But doing these things alone will result in a hot romance turning into a nice lifelong friendship if you don’t watch out. Click here to read more »

The Difference Between Real and Fake Indifference

A big part of what I talk about revolves around this idea of indifference.  Now, this can be quite tricky to apply if you don’t understand the basic premise behind it. I often see and observe men who have read a pick up book or have seen a cool 5 minute video on youtube and want to try out this whole “Act like I’m disinterested even though I really am”. And, usually it backfires in their face leaving the girl irritated, confused, and thinking “What is with that dude?” Heck, I’ve even seen my own brother try to do it with his current girlfriend, and I just shake my head and say to him, “She’ll see straight through it”. And, guess what? She usually does.

So, what is it about faking indifference that can go so terribly wrong? Click here to read more »

Commitment: How To Get Her To Commit (Part 2)

Alright, so you have got this awesome chick and things seem to appear to be going well. Just one small problem. You can’t get her to the next stage – whatever that may be. Maybe you can’t get her to commit to the next date. Maybe you can’t get her to commit to be in an exclusive relationship with you. Maybe you can’t get her to marry you. Whatever stage it is – I understand it sucks. And, it can be incredibly frustrating. It’s for this reason this stage needs to be handled with a certain finesse. Why? Because now you have gotten to know her a little it; so if she rejects you it’s going to be feel personal. So, why won’t a woman commit in the different stages? And, what can you do about it?

Reason # 1: She’s not ready to commit.
Timing in any phase of dating is a big issue. Not only do you have to meet the right person, but you have to meet the right person at the right time. I can tell you right now majority of women in their early to mid 20′s are a bit more free spirited. They want to explore life, find out who they are, really get stuck into building their career, and experiment with life a little. They also have a lot more choice of available men who want to date them. So, trying to tie them down too soon, could send off alarm bells. Women in their late 20′s to their mid 30′s are more looking to settle down.  Click here to read more »

Commitment: How To Get Her STOP Pushing For Commitment (Part 1)

Commitment. It’s one of those exciting and scary issues to talk about, let alone experience. Sometimes it comes easily for both of you and sometimes it’s a constant battle to get to each new level. When I think about what relationship drama revolves around, it always ends up being about: commitment. One person wants to move it forward – the other doesn’t and vice versa. So, what happens when you are getting into a relationship and really like the pace that it’s going at. Say you really like this woman and enjoy getting to know her more. But, now she is pushing for more commitment and trying to move things faster along than what your comfortable with. This can happen in various stages of dating. For example, commitment issues can be experienced where a woman wants to be in an exclusive relationship with you and you are still trying to figure that out. It could also arise when a woman wants to move in with you and start building a life with you and you are not comfortable with doing this right now. Here is how you can get a woman to stop pushing so hard for commitment: Click here to read more »