Relationship Advice

7 Ways to Make the MOST of the Relationship You’ve Got

Happiness is having what you want, and wanting what you have ~ Josh Bullings

 

When you first meet someone you really like and this time the feeling is mutual – it can be a bit of a whirlwind. It’s easy to see all the things you like about them. It’s easy to spend time with them and for it be exciting, surprising, and fun. And, once things start to transition over to something a little more serious – sometimes the relationship can lose it’s original sheen. You have your first argument. You start doing the things that you were doing before you got caught up in the romance. Things start to settle down a bit. So, what can you do to keep that relationship alive, happy, and still exciting? How can you really make the MOST of the relationship that you’ve got? Here are a few key tips (7 actually) that will help keep you on the right track.

1.Be authentic.

Ok, so it sounds so cliché BUT it’s really important, so I’m going to remind you anyways. Remember to stay true to yourself and your values. I could also say it like this: “You have a freak flag – so let it fly”. Don’t try to be something that you are not. Don’t try and mould yourself into some fantasy version of a man that your girlfriend wants. You may think, “If can change this one thing – then she will be happy”. But the problem with that is – you make one change and then she will want to change something else. And, then at the end of the day you won’t know who you are and she won’t know who you are either. Make sure that if you want to make more positive changes about yourself or in your life that you are in alignment with what you really value and not just because you “think” it will make the relationship better. When you stay true to yourself and what’s important to you – you have more to offer the relationship. Have the courage to stand up for what you believe in and when the opportunity arises choose the option that feels best for you and most true for you. Click here to read more »

A New Way To Look At Old Relationships

“Nothing comes ahead of its time, and nothing ever happened that didn’t need to happen.” ~ Byron Katie

Recently, a few of my close friends have been going through relationship breakups. Most of them are handling it well and learning a lot in the process. Having this at the forefront of my mind has caused me to think about relationships in a perspective that may be helpful for those of you going through a recent breakup or still trying to overcome one that happened a while ago.

 

Principle One: The purpose of relationships is growth.

This is a massive concept. So, I thought I would give it to you first (so you can spend the rest of the post digesting it). I could also follow it up with these next two statements:
Relationships are fluid rather than concrete. Relationships are about the process rather than the destination.

If I were to ask people what they think relationships are really about, they might answer along the lines of: “To be with someone who loves me unconditionally”, or “To be with someone who makes me happy”, or “To be with someone who makes me feel secure”, etc. And, the kind of unspoken general consensus of how one should tackle relationships is to, “Find the one you want to be with as quickly and as efficiently as possible”. With this last statement in mind it could easily be concluded that any relationship that didn’t serve a lifetime is considered to be a “failed relationship”.

But, what if every relationship served its own purpose? What if every relationship gave you an opportunity to grow? What is every past relationship was a stepping stone to something new and more desirable? What if every relationship you ever experienced was the perfect one that you needed to be with at the time?

If you think about your past relationships that have ended and apply this new perspective, you may just find some rare and beautiful gems of how each of these relationships have served you and helped you grow. Click here to read more »

3 Ways to Flirt With Your Girlfriend … Today!

“Relationship is an art.
The dream that two people create is more difficult to master than one.

~ Don Miguel Ruiz

If you want to keep the passion and excitement alive with your girlfriend then you only need to remember one thing: you must actively build anticipation within her. Building anticipation, mystery, and giving her something to really look forward to – is the name of the game. And, if you are guilty of having one too many boring nights on the couch watching TV with her or you feel things are getting stale – then it’s time to mix it up. Here are a few suggestions:

Step One: Spend more time creating that sexual tension.
Remember how to flirt? Well just because she is your girlfriend doesn’t mean that all of a sudden that should stop. Go in first for the passionate lingering kiss instead of heading straight to the bedroom. Spend a little more time talking with her, staring into her eyes, giving her dirty sexual looks, touching her all over her body BEFORE anything actual sexual happens. Appeal to ALL her senses: whisper in her ear, wear a touch of cologne that she loves, kiss her passionately, etc. All this build-up of anticipation may not be that exciting for you – but it will drive HER WILD. Click here to read more »

The indirect way to getting everything you ever wanted ….

This post isn’t going to be about how to attract a woman. I’m not going to talk about attraction triggers. I’m not going to talk about building your self-confidence. And, there won’t be any insights on getting inside her head. But in a roundabout way, this post inevitably will help your relationships with women. That’s because this post is about YOU. And, since “you” are the core basis of how you feel in your own world, how you perceive your world, and how you interact with your world – having a concrete sense of who you are and what’s important to you – just screams attractiveness to women, men, and basically everyone you encounter.

I recently read a post (which I can’t seem to find again but I will update this post when I do) which was on how to define the difference between what you “want” and what you “yearn” for. I’m sure you have asked yourself the question on many occasions – “What is it that I want?” In fact, you’ve probably answered this question so many times that your answers are automatic and in some ways emotionless. In essence, the post I read points out the difference between asking yourself, “What do I want?” and answering the question, “What do I really yearn for?” Even though it’s a simple substitute of a few words the impact is completely different.

So, how do you answer the question of, “What do I want”. The first answers that may spring to your head may be: I want a girlfriend, I want my ex-girlfriend back, I want a date, I want sex, I want that cool car, I want to be like that other guy, I want that job promotion, or I want a sundae.

But is that what you really want? Or, is what you are really yearning for is the feeling associated with “what you believe” that particular person or thing will give you? Click here to read more »

How do I get her to warm up to me?

“Men play the game; women know the score”
~ Roger Woddis

A lot of women today walk around with their guard up when it comes to men. And, this doesn’t help when you want to make a cold approach or get her out on the first date. So, how can you quickly and efficiently break down a woman’s barriers and move her from being icy cold to warm and receptive to you?

First, let’s define what a barrier is. A barrier is anything a woman uses to slow down or prevent you from getting to the next stage with her. That next stage could be: getting her to talk to you, getting her phone number, getting her on that first date, getting her to commit, and so on. They also come in many forms: acting cold and disinterested; engaging in flaky behavior; playing hot and cold; not picking up your calls; making excuses as to why she can’t see you; challenging you; telling you she has a boyfriend; etc.

Now, women don’t always engage with this kind of behavior because they are not interested. A lot of the time this preventative behavior is used as a filtering system for the various approaches they get on a daily basis.

Why do women put up barriers?

There are a number of reasons why women intentionally or unintentionally put up barriers. This includes:

Have a boyfriend and don’t want to give you the wrong impression
Want to see how you respond to it (testing to see what your skills are)
They are uncomfortable with being approached by men
They are scared that they will get hurt and have their running shoes on

Keep in mind that just because a woman puts up a barrier does not MEAN that she is not interested. It just means that it can take her a little time to warm up to you. And, in order for her to do this you have to gain her trust and kick start that attraction process. Click here to read more »

What To Get Her For Her Birthday?

Alright, in celebration of my birthday (which has just passed – Yes, I’m 25 now!), I wanted you all to know some ideas about what to do if you are dating a girl and her birthday is coming up. I know for a guy there can be a lot of pressure when it comes to birthday celebrations. You want to give her something special – but you also don’t want to blow her out of the water and freak her out. Finding this balance will be really easy once you read these few tips below.

The first is timing. How long you have known a woman is the first indicator of what you should get her on her upcoming birthday.

Dating 2 weeks or less:
So, if you have been dating for maybe 2 weeks and you know her birthday is coming up in a few days, going all out on a birthday party for her is probably not a good idea because you are just in the early stages of getting to know her. Surprising her with dinner at her favorite restaurant, or maybe buying her a small gift (such as a gift card at her favorite store) might be better.

Between 2 weeks and 6 months:
Now, if you have been dating her for more than 2 weeks but less than 6 months, you should know who some of her friends are. Organizing a surprise party for her at her favorite restaurant might be a wise idea if she is more outgoing. If she is more understated, maybe inviting some of her closest friends over to your place for a meal might be better.

Dating her more than 6 months to a few years:
Now, if you have been dating her for more than 6 months but less than a few years and things are looking a bit serious, she might be wondering if you are going to marry her, especially if she is in her late twenties or early thirties. So, if you have been dating her for this long, it will be important for you to think about your long term intentions with her at this time. I’m not saying you should marry her or propose marriage on her birthday, but I am encouraging you to think about that as you organize something for her birthday. You see, if a woman has been dating a guy for years, she is going to be entertaining the idea of marriage. For example, if you have been dating a woman for 4 years and she is turning 29 and you get her an espresso maker for her birthday, she might be really pissed because she doesn’t know what your intentions are.
Click here to read more »

What You Need To Know Before You Date Younger Women

There is no doubt that the appeal of dating younger women is clearly obvious. Whether it be their incredible physical form; vibrant and spontaneous nature; or hope and enthusiasm they hold for dating, love, and life. However, there are some things to keep in mind about younger women and what they are going through this time period in their lives. Knowing what these are can help you develop and maintain attraction; anticipate their needs; and minimize drama and shit testing.

Shaping their identity and finding their place in the world
Women in the 18-24 age range are fresh out of home or college and ready to hit the big bad world until they realize that they have absolutely no idea about what goes on it in.

Finally, the veil of protection given by their parents and various educational institutions starts to lift, and they are left to their own devices to craft a life that they feel suits them and that they can gladly call their own.

As part of this transitional identity forming stage of their lives comes a highly idealistic perception backed with high expectations of what they think and feel life should be about. Ironically, some of these expectations about dating, love, and life are crafted from unreliable sources like: romantic comedies, travel brochures, or sitcoms aimed at selling them a dream that few can actually accomplish, or that many will eventually find unfulfiling. This is a time for experimentation, exploration, searching, and hope. For many young women, this is a time to: feel free, party, embrace the world full tilt, and spend time finding out what it is they actually like or feel is important in their lives. What a wonderful time it is to be with a woman in this period of her life. She can act spontaneous; eagerly try new things; and feel truly optimistic about the happiness and joy that love can bring her. Whether her goals are to settle down with the right man, charge ahead with her career, or travel the world – her enthusiasm for these things will be captivating to any man. Click here to read more »

Make Yourself SCARCE!

“Time is your most precious gift because you only have a set amount of it. You can make more money, but you can’t make more time. When you give someone your time, you are giving them a portion of your life that you’ll never get back. Your time is your life.”
~Rick Warren

Let me set the scenario. You meet a girl and you are in the process of getting to know her. Maybe you have had a couple of conversations. Maybe you have been on a couple of dates already. Maybe she is your friend that you would really prefer to get out of the friend zone with. And, the kicker is: You don’t know how to take attraction with her to the next level. You don’t know from how you can go from being the friend or the guy is going on dates with to girlfriend. You don’t even know on how to get going in that direction.

So, here is a tip that I want all of you to remember. Sometimes the reason it’s so hard for you to see how to move the relationship forward is because you are so scared of screwing it up. You want to do the right thing. You want to do the thing that is going to work. You want to push her off the fence, without having to do any work.

I can understand that. Of course you want to do what works. Of course you don’t want to rock the boat. But it’s that very psychology which will trap you in dating (limbo) and the friend zone time and time again.

Guys that get the girl are fence pushers. They escalate. They move forward. They face the risk of things not always going their way. They do what they want and NOT what they think she wants.

So, now I’m going to share with you a way that you get off that fence. Where you can put the control back in your hands and end the insanity. It’s simple, it’s proven, and it works. Click here to read more »

Where to draw the line …

“Men acquire a particular quality by constantly acting in a particular way.”
~ Aristotle

So, for those of you that have been following me for a while, you would understand that I put particular emphasis on developing skills like: presence, assertiveness, and strength. What I often get asked is HOW to display this on a daily basis, particularly during interactions with women.

First,  let me say that by displaying such skills comes from working on something “inside” rather than focusing on something the “outside”.  It also doesn’t necessarily come from just doing a whole bunch of random things differently. It comes from selecting specific and particular areas of yourself and your life and masterfully putting the right pieces together.

So, what I’m saying is that developing these qualities is like art. It takes a level of skill, finesse, and experience to bring all different components of your life together. So, for those of you that are coming from a quick fix mindset of “developing presence” overnight – then you have come to the wrong place because something this great takes a little time, a lot of courage, and some serious application.

With that little disclaimer in mind,  let’s continue on with one way you can start developing your presence. I’m sure you have heard a lot about the term self-discipline and all the fancy definitions of it. What I believe to be the true definition of self discipline is holding yourself accountable. In  a sense, it’s making and keeping certain promises to yourself. When you can do this, you have more integrity with yourself and therefore, create a space where other people are more likely to hold you to it as well. Click here to read more »

Getting To The Next Level …

“Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.”
~ Theodore Roosevelt

You like this girl. Maybe she is a friend. Maybe she is someone you’ve already taken on a first date. Maybe she is someone who walked past you at college or at work and you already feel like you want her and you want her now. But here is the dilemma. You don’t know how to get her to the next stage. In the pick up community they call this escalating. Moving from one point to another in a forward direction. For example, from an approach to a number; from a conversation on the phone to a date; from a date to the bedroom; and so on. And, it’s during this process that can be really hard. Sometimes you don’t know where the next step is. Sometimes you don’t know if you can move forward (because some of you are scared of). Sometimes it’s because you are experiencing resistance and you don’t know what to do about it.

So here is an action plan for those of you that are in this position or have ever found yourself in this position in the past and exactly how to get out of it.

Evaluate what situation is in front of you.
Sometimes, when we are so focused on a goal and getting there you can lose sight of why you wanted it in the first place. For instance, maybe you had a goal of meeting this woman – because you think that having her in your life would make you are much happier person. Yet in the process of trying to get her into your life you are making yourself miserable. So, I ask you, “What is the point?” Part of evaluating the situation in front of you allows you to gain some perspective. It allows you to sit back and assess the situations. Sometimes having multiple opinions and perspectives can help with this process. Doing this will help you regain control over your emotions and consciously help you decide in which direction you would like to go. Click here to read more »