Happiness is having what you want, and wanting what you have ~ Josh Bullings
When you first meet someone you really like and this time the feeling is mutual – it can be a bit of a whirlwind. It’s easy to see all the things you like about them. It’s easy to spend time with them and for it be exciting, surprising, and fun. And, once things start to transition over to something a little more serious – sometimes the relationship can lose it’s original sheen. You have your first argument. You start doing the things that you were doing before you got caught up in the romance. Things start to settle down a bit. So, what can you do to keep that relationship alive, happy, and still exciting? How can you really make the MOST of the relationship that you’ve got? Here are a few key tips (7 actually) that will help keep you on the right track.
Ok, so it sounds so cliché BUT it’s really important, so I’m going to remind you anyways. Remember to stay true to yourself and your values. I could also say it like this: “You have a freak flag – so let it fly”. Don’t try to be something that you are not. Don’t try and mould yourself into some fantasy version of a man that your girlfriend wants. You may think, “If can change this one thing – then she will be happy”. But the problem with that is – you make one change and then she will want to change something else. And, then at the end of the day you won’t know who you are and she won’t know who you are either. Make sure that if you want to make more positive changes about yourself or in your life that you are in alignment with what you really value and not just because you “think” it will make the relationship better. When you stay true to yourself and what’s important to you – you have more to offer the relationship. Have the courage to stand up for what you believe in and when the opportunity arises choose the option that feels best for you and most true for you. Click here to read more »
“Nothing comes ahead of its time, and nothing ever happened that didn’t need to happen.” ~ Byron Katie
Recently, a few of my close friends have been going through relationship breakups. Most of them are handling it well and learning a lot in the process. Having this at the forefront of my mind has caused me to think about relationships in a perspective that may be helpful for those of you going through a recent breakup or still trying to overcome one that happened a while ago.
Principle One: The purpose of relationships is growth.
This is a massive concept. So, I thought I would give it to you first (so you can spend the rest of the post digesting it). I could also follow it up with these next two statements:
Relationships are fluid rather than concrete. Relationships are about the process rather than the destination.
If I were to ask people what they think relationships are really about, they might answer along the lines of: “To be with someone who loves me unconditionally”, or “To be with someone who makes me happy”, or “To be with someone who makes me feel secure”, etc. And, the kind of unspoken general consensus of how one should tackle relationships is to, “Find the one you want to be with as quickly and as efficiently as possible”. With this last statement in mind it could easily be concluded that any relationship that didn’t serve a lifetime is considered to be a “failed relationship”.
But, what if every relationship served its own purpose? What if every relationship gave you an opportunity to grow? What is every past relationship was a stepping stone to something new and more desirable? What if every relationship you ever experienced was the perfect one that you needed to be with at the time?
If you think about your past relationships that have ended and apply this new perspective, you may just find some rare and beautiful gems of how each of these relationships have served you and helped you grow. Click here to read more »
I know it can be confusing and frustrating when a girl says one thing and means another. One important thing to note about women is that most of the time – you cannot take their words literally. Women are incredibly equipped to be able to read between the lines and pick up on things that are not being “said”. This is one of the primary ways in which they create and maintain relationships with other women and the people around them. If you actually watch two women interact with one another you and pay attention to this – you will see that they are always reading behind the lines to identify the true meaning of what is being said. The majority of men are very literal. You take things at face value. Thus, the difference in communication styles creates discrepancies. Please feel free to use this post as a translation guide. And, if there is a common phrase that I missed which you would like a translation for please leave it in the comments below and I will explain it!
She says: “I’m fine”
What she means: There IS something wrong. And, you should know that when I say I’m fine – I’m really not.
Why she does this: She wants you to care enough to first notice that something is wrong and then second ask her questions to determine what’s really on her mind.
What you should do: When a woman tells you she is fine – realise that it’s a red flag that something is up. You get one point for noticing. And, one point for doing something about it. More often than not she will either be feeling vulnerable or angry about something. If she is feeling vulnerable focus more on reassurance. If she is feeling angry focus on getting her to lighten up, laugh, and relax a little more. Click here to read more »
Keep every promise you make and only make promises you can keep.
~ Anthony Hitt
In other words, if you can’t make a promise then just don’t make it at all. Often guys think that in order to keep a woman happy they have to promise her “the world”. But in actual fact, you are more likely to make a woman happy by the promises that you deliver on.
For any of the women reading this post (I know you are out there) what would you prefer? A man who sets the expectation that he will not call you for two weeks and then doesn’t. Or a man that promises to call you for two weeks but doesn’t. Which one would bother you the most?
In either case, the same thing happened. He didn’t call for two weeks. BUT the expectation that you (the man) sets – MAKES ALL the difference. I can tell you right now that most women would prefer the first scenario than the second one. The reason is because in the first instance her expectation is that she will not get a call for two weeks. And, in the second instance she is expecting calls during this time and has two weeks to be continually disappointed that she is not getting one. By making a promise you are creating an expectation within a woman. So, you have to be careful about the promises that you make. If unsure – then do not make the promise. Click here to read more »
What we don’t understand we can make mean anything.
~ Chuck Palahniuk
Have you ever had a woman give you the cold shoulder in a MASSIVE way? Like, you guys were flirting, dating, relationshipping (yes I just made that word up) each other and then things went downhill and she wanted absolutely nothing to do with you? If you haven’t been in a situation like this: then I’m sure you know someone who has.
What I want to let you in on today is the reason WHY she does this. Because when you figure out the WHY then the “HOW to” deal with it becomes very easy. It becomes easier for you to come to terms with her behaviour (and move on if that’s what you want). And, it becomes easier for you move from “her not wanting anything to do with you” to at least getting back onto talking, interacting, and eventually “picking up where we left” terms.
Now, if I were to ask you the reasons you think a woman does this – what would your answer be?
Some of your answers may revolve around: “She’s just a cold hearted B*tch!”; or “She was just playing me the whole time”; or “She never had real feelings for me in the first place”; etc.
I know that when a woman gives you the cold shoulder it can be a very hurtful thing. The most extreme case of this would be in a relationship breakup. You guys have spent all this time together, you feel like you know each other inside and out, and you have some really good memories together. How can you go from a relationship so close, to no contact at all?
Well, I’m going to answer that question right now. It’s really quite simple. And, here is the answer. A woman gives you the cold shoulder for one reason and one reason only: “Self Preservation”.
Let me explain … Click here to read more »
“Relationship is an art.
The dream that two people create is more difficult to master than one.”
~ Don Miguel Ruiz
If you want to keep the passion and excitement alive with your girlfriend then you only need to remember one thing: you must actively build anticipation within her. Building anticipation, mystery, and giving her something to really look forward to – is the name of the game. And, if you are guilty of having one too many boring nights on the couch watching TV with her or you feel things are getting stale – then it’s time to mix it up. Here are a few suggestions:
Step One: Spend more time creating that sexual tension.
Remember how to flirt? Well just because she is your girlfriend doesn’t mean that all of a sudden that should stop. Go in first for the passionate lingering kiss instead of heading straight to the bedroom. Spend a little more time talking with her, staring into her eyes, giving her dirty sexual looks, touching her all over her body BEFORE anything actual sexual happens. Appeal to ALL her senses: whisper in her ear, wear a touch of cologne that she loves, kiss her passionately, etc. All this build-up of anticipation may not be that exciting for you – but it will drive HER WILD. Click here to read more »
Alright, in celebration of my birthday (which has just passed – Yes, I’m 25 now!), I wanted you all to know some ideas about what to do if you are dating a girl and her birthday is coming up. I know for a guy there can be a lot of pressure when it comes to birthday celebrations. You want to give her something special – but you also don’t want to blow her out of the water and freak her out. Finding this balance will be really easy once you read these few tips below.
The first is timing. How long you have known a woman is the first indicator of what you should get her on her upcoming birthday.
Dating 2 weeks or less:
So, if you have been dating for maybe 2 weeks and you know her birthday is coming up in a few days, going all out on a birthday party for her is probably not a good idea because you are just in the early stages of getting to know her. Surprising her with dinner at her favorite restaurant, or maybe buying her a small gift (such as a gift card at her favorite store) might be better.
Between 2 weeks and 6 months:
Now, if you have been dating her for more than 2 weeks but less than 6 months, you should know who some of her friends are. Organizing a surprise party for her at her favorite restaurant might be a wise idea if she is more outgoing. If she is more understated, maybe inviting some of her closest friends over to your place for a meal might be better.
Dating her more than 6 months to a few years:
Now, if you have been dating her for more than 6 months but less than a few years and things are looking a bit serious, she might be wondering if you are going to marry her, especially if she is in her late twenties or early thirties. So, if you have been dating her for this long, it will be important for you to think about your long term intentions with her at this time. I’m not saying you should marry her or propose marriage on her birthday, but I am encouraging you to think about that as you organize something for her birthday. You see, if a woman has been dating a guy for years, she is going to be entertaining the idea of marriage. For example, if you have been dating a woman for 4 years and she is turning 29 and you get her an espresso maker for her birthday, she might be really pissed because she doesn’t know what your intentions are.
Click here to read more »