Inner Game

A New Way To Look At Old Relationships

“Nothing comes ahead of its time, and nothing ever happened that didn’t need to happen.” ~ Byron Katie

Recently, a few of my close friends have been going through relationship breakups. Most of them are handling it well and learning a lot in the process. Having this at the forefront of my mind has caused me to think about relationships in a perspective that may be helpful for those of you going through a recent breakup or still trying to overcome one that happened a while ago.

 

Principle One: The purpose of relationships is growth.

This is a massive concept. So, I thought I would give it to you first (so you can spend the rest of the post digesting it). I could also follow it up with these next two statements:
Relationships are fluid rather than concrete. Relationships are about the process rather than the destination.

If I were to ask people what they think relationships are really about, they might answer along the lines of: “To be with someone who loves me unconditionally”, or “To be with someone who makes me happy”, or “To be with someone who makes me feel secure”, etc. And, the kind of unspoken general consensus of how one should tackle relationships is to, “Find the one you want to be with as quickly and as efficiently as possible”. With this last statement in mind it could easily be concluded that any relationship that didn’t serve a lifetime is considered to be a “failed relationship”.

But, what if every relationship served its own purpose? What if every relationship gave you an opportunity to grow? What is every past relationship was a stepping stone to something new and more desirable? What if every relationship you ever experienced was the perfect one that you needed to be with at the time?

If you think about your past relationships that have ended and apply this new perspective, you may just find some rare and beautiful gems of how each of these relationships have served you and helped you grow. Click here to read more »

Are you waiting for the right person to come along?

Love is flow and walls keep the flow out
~ Deepak Chopra

I recently wrote a newsletter for my exclusive readers about how to be the “complete package” (become an exclusive reader here). This was a little different from a lot of the articles, posts, and newsletters that I usually write about. The reason for this was that it was based on some of the more “superficial” things that help attract a woman. Things like your overall appearance, your competencies, and making your home more women friendly. Throughout this newsletter however I did emphasize first and foremost what is MOST important in attracting a woman. And, that being your confidence, presence, and charm. This is something that nice cologne or an interesting skill-set CANNOT compensate for.

And, on the topic of things that cannot be compensated for I wanted to talk about “finding love” or rather, “finding that special woman to love”. I know that a lot of you are in this place right now. Many of you are looking for ways you can attract that wondrous woman into your life that will somehow strip away the loneliness that none of you would outwardly like to admit exists.

And, while I talk about developing your presence, widening your skill set, building more self-esteem, and understanding women – all of these WILL NOT make much of a difference: until one thing happens. Click here to read more »

What Really Impresses A Woman?

“Do what today others won’t, so tomorrow, you can do what others can’t.”
~ Brian Rogers Loop

I’m sure you have heard of the various different triggers there are to attract and impress a woman. In most of my posts, I talk about the importance of becoming the best man that you can be. Now, I know that this is a very broad statement. So, today we are going to hone in on ONE character trait that is CRUCIAL in attracting and impressing a woman.

So, here it is:

“Be proactive”.

And, I mean “be proactive” rather than “being reactive”.I mean, face your life head on rather than darting around the edges.

Doing this leads to a sense of confidence that is unshakable. Unshakable confidence is impressive to women.

Being proactive is a byproduct of confidence. And, confidence is a byproduct of being proactive. Being proactive creates LIFE FORCE. It causes you to make decisions, do the difficult tasks, think ahead, and to be flexible. Being proactive means that you are the leader of your own life. You are out there taking charge rather than waiting for things to happen. More often than not, when you are proactive you feel more momentum in your life. You feel better about yourself. And, you feel more confident. And, so this upwards spiral continues.

Men often believe that women are attracted to the superficial things like looks, money, status, and so on. And, while I admit that some of these things can be helpful – they are more like the icing on the cake rather than what makes the actual cake. Because what makes the actual cake is “Character”. And, a man of GOOD CHARACTER is what women are looking for. Usually, when a man has a subset of character traits it’s easier for him to create a good career, have good relationships with his friends and family, and also take care of himself. Most men think that all women want is a guy who has all the superficial things going on in his life.

But, what they are really looking for is the “person” who had the ability to create and attract all those things into his life.

Click here to read more »

The indirect way to getting everything you ever wanted ….

This post isn’t going to be about how to attract a woman. I’m not going to talk about attraction triggers. I’m not going to talk about building your self-confidence. And, there won’t be any insights on getting inside her head. But in a roundabout way, this post inevitably will help your relationships with women. That’s because this post is about YOU. And, since “you” are the core basis of how you feel in your own world, how you perceive your world, and how you interact with your world – having a concrete sense of who you are and what’s important to you – just screams attractiveness to women, men, and basically everyone you encounter.

I recently read a post (which I can’t seem to find again but I will update this post when I do) which was on how to define the difference between what you “want” and what you “yearn” for. I’m sure you have asked yourself the question on many occasions – “What is it that I want?” In fact, you’ve probably answered this question so many times that your answers are automatic and in some ways emotionless. In essence, the post I read points out the difference between asking yourself, “What do I want?” and answering the question, “What do I really yearn for?” Even though it’s a simple substitute of a few words the impact is completely different.

So, how do you answer the question of, “What do I want”. The first answers that may spring to your head may be: I want a girlfriend, I want my ex-girlfriend back, I want a date, I want sex, I want that cool car, I want to be like that other guy, I want that job promotion, or I want a sundae.

But is that what you really want? Or, is what you are really yearning for is the feeling associated with “what you believe” that particular person or thing will give you? Click here to read more »

How to get that special girl interested in you …

“A pedestal is as much a prison as any small, confined space.”
~ Gloria Steinem

Now, if this was a “pick up” blog I would be saying, “Why have one girl when you can have 10?” And, then proceed to tell you all the benefits of what having 10 girlfriends would be. But for anyone who has actually had more than ONE girlfriend at a time, the reality is it creates more problems than it does benefits. But that is besides the point, because the point is that the majority of you are looking to get the interest of ONE particular woman.

So, here is the best way in which you can attract that one woman into your life. First, it’s your (good old) mindset. It’s your attitude and your inner game. Now, I know this is the boring answer and I know that some of you just wished for once I would say, “Here is this bright shiny blue pill and if you just take it, the girl of your dreams will be in your arms and you will live happily ever after”. But as you know, life let alone dating women is not like that – AT ALL.

So, yes, it’s all about your mindset baby! In fact, there are complete programs out there that ONLY focus on helping you develop the mindset to attract and keep a woman in your life. And, if it’s good enough for them, then it’s good enough for you. So let’s get to it!

You know what makes a fantasy so appealing? The fact that it’s a fantasy! And, usually the basis of any fantasy is intense focus on only ONE SIDE of the equation. And, as you know life is always working in balance. So, it’s not that the balance doesn’t exist, it’s just that the fantasy prevents you from seeing the other side. If you could see what you want from a balanced perspective, then you would take the fantasy off it’s pedestal and more than likely set a realistic plan to accomplish your goals which YOU BELIEVED was possible.

Which brings me to this idea:

Most of you guys say that you want to get that one special girl, but MOST of you don’t believe that you really can get her.

Some of you don’t believe you are worthy to get a girl like that. Some of you think that you are going to need to work extra hard and be super perfect to attract a girl like that into your life and to keep her there. Click here to read more »

Steve Jobs and Dating …

In 2005 Steve Jobs did a speech to a huge cast of college graduates. What he shared with them were some principles which were potentially life transforming.

There was one in particular that I truly connected with. And, it’s one that I believe will help you over your FEARS when you feel like: everything is on the line.

Perspective changes our world. And, that changes everything.

Hot Alpha Female

How Does A Girl Like “That” Date A Guy Like Me?

You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love & affection.
~Buddha

I know “that” woman you are talking about. Ok, maybe not personally, but I know that you think she is the one woman or the one kind of woman that would really make all your dreams come true. Maybe she is uber hot. Maybe she is seriously sexy. Maybe you think you would have a killer connection with her. Fill in the blanks however you please.

Whether it’s a celebrity fantasy like Kim Kardashian, Angeline Jolie, Megan Fox or Jessica Alba; or it’s the girl next door; the girl at work; the best friend who you want to get to know in the “other way” – the same question keeps coming up.

“How do I get a girl like “that” to date a guy like me?”

Which is usually followed by a whole bunch of reasons your “mind” makes up which disqualifies you from dating a woman like this. In fact, the mind is a very powerful thing. And, even if a woman like “that” was interested in you – with that current mindset either you wouldn’t see it, or you would sabotage the process so a girl like “that” would eventually lose interest in you.

Now, I’m not going to go on another rant about how important mindset and self esteem is when attracting and dating good quality women (or maybe I am). I would suggest that if you can’t relate to any of what I’m saying – it’s probably because you have grown beyond this point. Congratulations. For everyone else .. keep reading. Click here to read more »

Screening out women who can be REALLY big trouble!

“An emotionally immature woman has no sense of awareness of what she is doing. She is on autopilot. She is in constant reaction to her emotions to her needs and wants.”
~Hot Alpha Female

Alright, I really do need to talk to you about something. There seems to be a huge fixation getting the likes and attention of a particular woman or that hot chick. If you have read my other posts <here>, <here> and <here> you will know the warnings I have about many hot chicks. I’d say I was sorry about bursting your bubble, but I’m really not. I don’t want you guys to make the same mistakes most other guys make.

There are reasons why guys are attracted to women who look hot. Some of the reasons have to do with symmetry being a possible indicator of fewer genetic problems. Other reasons may have to do with youthful qualities about the face or body appearing to be associated with fertility. Whatever the reasons, I would strongly encourage you to think about your decisions with your BIG head, not your little head.

Most of you will come to conclusion of: “I like this chick and I want her now!” And, don’t give it much more thought than that.

There are women who are average looking who can be wonderful partners or dates. But, let’s get real. Even average looking women can cause problems. So, let’s talk about screening out women who might fuck up your life. Hot or not.

Click here to read more »

Make Yourself SCARCE!

“Time is your most precious gift because you only have a set amount of it. You can make more money, but you can’t make more time. When you give someone your time, you are giving them a portion of your life that you’ll never get back. Your time is your life.”
~Rick Warren

Let me set the scenario. You meet a girl and you are in the process of getting to know her. Maybe you have had a couple of conversations. Maybe you have been on a couple of dates already. Maybe she is your friend that you would really prefer to get out of the friend zone with. And, the kicker is: You don’t know how to take attraction with her to the next level. You don’t know from how you can go from being the friend or the guy is going on dates with to girlfriend. You don’t even know on how to get going in that direction.

So, here is a tip that I want all of you to remember. Sometimes the reason it’s so hard for you to see how to move the relationship forward is because you are so scared of screwing it up. You want to do the right thing. You want to do the thing that is going to work. You want to push her off the fence, without having to do any work.

I can understand that. Of course you want to do what works. Of course you don’t want to rock the boat. But it’s that very psychology which will trap you in dating (limbo) and the friend zone time and time again.

Guys that get the girl are fence pushers. They escalate. They move forward. They face the risk of things not always going their way. They do what they want and NOT what they think she wants.

So, now I’m going to share with you a way that you get off that fence. Where you can put the control back in your hands and end the insanity. It’s simple, it’s proven, and it works. Click here to read more »

Where to draw the line …

“Men acquire a particular quality by constantly acting in a particular way.”
~ Aristotle

So, for those of you that have been following me for a while, you would understand that I put particular emphasis on developing skills like: presence, assertiveness, and strength. What I often get asked is HOW to display this on a daily basis, particularly during interactions with women.

First,  let me say that by displaying such skills comes from working on something “inside” rather than focusing on something the “outside”.  It also doesn’t necessarily come from just doing a whole bunch of random things differently. It comes from selecting specific and particular areas of yourself and your life and masterfully putting the right pieces together.

So, what I’m saying is that developing these qualities is like art. It takes a level of skill, finesse, and experience to bring all different components of your life together. So, for those of you that are coming from a quick fix mindset of “developing presence” overnight – then you have come to the wrong place because something this great takes a little time, a lot of courage, and some serious application.

With that little disclaimer in mind,  let’s continue on with one way you can start developing your presence. I’m sure you have heard a lot about the term self-discipline and all the fancy definitions of it. What I believe to be the true definition of self discipline is holding yourself accountable. In  a sense, it’s making and keeping certain promises to yourself. When you can do this, you have more integrity with yourself and therefore, create a space where other people are more likely to hold you to it as well. Click here to read more »