What we don’t understand we can make mean anything.
~ Chuck Palahniuk

Have you ever had a woman give you the cold shoulder in a MASSIVE way? Like, you guys were flirting, dating, relationshipping (yes I just made that word up) each other and then things went downhill and she wanted absolutely nothing to do with you? If you haven’t been in a situation like this: then I’m sure you know someone who has.

What I want to let you in on today is the reason WHY she does this. Because when you figure out the WHY then the “HOW to” deal with it becomes very easy. It becomes easier for you to come to terms with her behaviour (and move on if that’s what you want). And, it becomes easier for you move from “her not wanting anything to do with you” to at least getting back onto talking, interacting, and eventually “picking up where we left” terms.

Now, if I were to ask you the reasons you think a woman does this – what would your answer be?

Some of your answers may revolve around: “She’s just a cold hearted B*tch!”; or “She was just playing me the whole time”; or “She never had real feelings for me in the first place”; etc.

I know that when a woman gives you the cold shoulder it can be a very hurtful thing. The most extreme case of this would be in a relationship breakup. You guys have spent all this time together, you feel like you know each other inside and out, and you have some really good memories together. How can you go from a relationship so close, to no contact at all?

Well, I’m going to answer that question right now. It’s really quite simple. And, here is the answer. A woman gives you the cold shoulder for one reason and one reason only: “Self Preservation”.

Let me explain … Click here to read more »

Love is flow and walls keep the flow out
~ Deepak Chopra

I recently wrote a newsletter for my exclusive readers about how to be the “complete package” (become an exclusive reader here). This was a little different from a lot of the articles, posts, and newsletters that I usually write about. The reason for this was that it was based on some of the more “superficial” things that help attract a woman. Things like your overall appearance, your competencies, and making your home more women friendly. Throughout this newsletter however I did emphasize first and foremost what is MOST important in attracting a woman. And, that being your confidence, presence, and charm. This is something that nice cologne or an interesting skill-set CANNOT compensate for.

And, on the topic of things that cannot be compensated for I wanted to talk about “finding love” or rather, “finding that special woman to love”. I know that a lot of you are in this place right now. Many of you are looking for ways you can attract that wondrous woman into your life that will somehow strip away the loneliness that none of you would outwardly like to admit exists.

And, while I talk about developing your presence, widening your skill set, building more self-esteem, and understanding women – all of these WILL NOT make much of a difference: until one thing happens. Click here to read more »

Insincerity is always weakness; sincerity even in error is strength.
~ George Henry Lewes

Sincerity is like this lost form of connecting and communicating these days. We are constantly being lied to all the way from our politicians to our moms (who told you dating would be easy). And, most importantly we lie to ourselves. Telling ourselves that “It’s not really that bad” or “That’s not really what’s happening” or “That you gave it your best shot” when you know deep down you really gave it a half assed attempt.

But today, is not really going to be about you. I will say that part of becoming the best man you can be is going to require you to get really honest with yourself. When you can take honest assessments of where you are in your life and what you would like to improve (without the self-criticism or blame) then you can really start to move your life forward.

So, aside from that little note – this post is not about you. It is more about the importance of being sincere with the women that you interact with.

Most “gurus” who talk about attraction or picking up women will kind of dodge around this subject. This is however, something that I have come back to time and time again.

Sincerity helps develop trust with a woman. And, trust (as we all know) is the foundation of attraction. Because if she doesn’t feel safe around you, then you’ve got no more air time to demonstrate otherwise.

So, what does sincerity actually entail? Click here to read more »

“Do what today others won’t, so tomorrow, you can do what others can’t.”
~ Brian Rogers Loop

I’m sure you have heard of the various different triggers there are to attract and impress a woman. In most of my posts, I talk about the importance of becoming the best man that you can be. Now, I know that this is a very broad statement. So, today we are going to hone in on ONE character trait that is CRUCIAL in attracting and impressing a woman.

So, here it is:

“Be proactive”.

And, I mean “be proactive” rather than “being reactive”.I mean, face your life head on rather than darting around the edges.

Doing this leads to a sense of confidence that is unshakable. Unshakable confidence is impressive to women.

Being proactive is a byproduct of confidence. And, confidence is a byproduct of being proactive. Being proactive creates LIFE FORCE. It causes you to make decisions, do the difficult tasks, think ahead, and to be flexible. Being proactive means that you are the leader of your own life. You are out there taking charge rather than waiting for things to happen. More often than not, when you are proactive you feel more momentum in your life. You feel better about yourself. And, you feel more confident. And, so this upwards spiral continues.

Men often believe that women are attracted to the superficial things like looks, money, status, and so on. And, while I admit that some of these things can be helpful – they are more like the icing on the cake rather than what makes the actual cake. Because what makes the actual cake is “Character”. And, a man of GOOD CHARACTER is what women are looking for. Usually, when a man has a subset of character traits it’s easier for him to create a good career, have good relationships with his friends and family, and also take care of himself. Most men think that all women want is a guy who has all the superficial things going on in his life.

But, what they are really looking for is the “person” who had the ability to create and attract all those things into his life.

Click here to read more »

Understanding can overcome any situation, however mysterious or insurmountable it may appear to be.
~Norman Vincent Peale

So let me give you a couple of examples. You get her number which she gives to you readily, yet she doesn’t return your calls nor pick them up when you call. Or she sets up a date with you and then, cancels last minute. Or she is always busy and can never make time to speak to you or spend more time with you.

Yes my friend, you have a woman who is blowing you off! If you are making all the moves on this chick and she is giving you absolutely nothing back, then I can tell you right now, that there is nothing you will accomplish by stalking her or calling her 5 times a day instead of once. I’m also here to tell you, she most likely is not interested in pursing anything further with you. Its a hint dude, so read the signs and move on. I know it sucks when they don’t like you the way that you do, but such is life. Not everyone that you like is going to like you back…. no matter what you do.

Don’t sweat it. You’ll live =)

Now there is a difference between a woman that is blowing you off and a woman that is being flakey. A woman blowing you off, will usually give you nothing back to work with. A woman that is being flakey means that sometimes she gives you what you want and other times she doesn’t. You can probably describe her actions as intermittent. When a woman is being flakey she is most likely interested in you, but is testing you. In other words they are seeing how much of her BullS***T you are prepared to take and how effective her little games and mannerisms will be with you. The more effectively she is able to manipulate you, the less interested she will be in you. Click here to read more »

“Men play the game; women know the score”
~ Roger Woddis

A lot of women today walk around with their guard up when it comes to men. And, this doesn’t help when you want to make a cold approach or get her out on the first date. So, how can you quickly and efficiently break down a woman’s barriers and move her from being icy cold to warm and receptive to you?

First, let’s define what a barrier is. A barrier is anything a woman uses to slow down or prevent you from getting to the next stage with her. That next stage could be: getting her to talk to you, getting her phone number, getting her on that first date, getting her to commit, and so on. They also come in many forms: acting cold and disinterested; engaging in flaky behavior; playing hot and cold; not picking up your calls; making excuses as to why she can’t see you; challenging you; telling you she has a boyfriend; etc.

Now, women don’t always engage with this kind of behavior because they are not interested. A lot of the time this preventative behavior is used as a filtering system for the various approaches they get on a daily basis.

Why do women put up barriers?

There are a number of reasons why women intentionally or unintentionally put up barriers. This includes:

Have a boyfriend and don’t want to give you the wrong impression
Want to see how you respond to it (testing to see what your skills are)
They are uncomfortable with being approached by men
They are scared that they will get hurt and have their running shoes on

Keep in mind that just because a woman puts up a barrier does not MEAN that she is not interested. It just means that it can take her a little time to warm up to you. And, in order for her to do this you have to gain her trust and kick start that attraction process. Click here to read more »

Happiness always sneaks in a door you did not think was open
~ Anonymous

Besides the minority of women who are looking for: a one night stand, friends with benefits, or casual dating – the majority of women are looking for something that will result in a happy long-term relationship. If that’s what you are looking for too, then here is a heads up on what women ultimately look for to determine if you are boyfriend, long-term, marriageable material.

1) She must feel safe and protected around you

There are many levels of safety and protection that a woman can feel and that she needs to feel. On the most basic, level a woman must feel like it is safe to communicate with you and to be in your presence. For example if you meet her walking in the street, at a club, or at a work function, she will want to know whether she is physically safe with you by being in your presence. The key to this is to know what your intentions are and for them to be congruent with what you are projecting in your interactions. For example, if you see an incredibly attractive woman in the street, it’s better to approach her and say something along the lines of, “Excuse me, I was trying to think of an excuse to say hello, but I just couldn’t find one – so hello” rather than walking up to a woman and asking her for the time and then talking about the weather (all in the mean-time being preoccupied of thoughts of how you would really like to sleep with her).

Here is the key thing to understand: when you really get congruent with who you are – you will be able to talk to a woman about anything and say whatever it is that you want, and she can feel attraction for you. This works because women are able to vibe out or sense really quickly what your “presence” is. I can’t tell you how many times my women friends have met a stranger or a colleague and said, “I don’t know what it is about that guy – but he just gives me the creeps”.

The secret is: it wasn’t anything that this guy said; it was EVERYTHING else he was communicating that didn’t involve his words. His presence, his appearance, his behavior, and/or his demeanor.

Women are intuitive, more than they even understand. And, they will intuitively be able to pick up whether it feels safe to be around you, or whether they should get away from you as fast as they can.

Once you are dating a woman, then security and protection can be demonstrated by helping her not only feel physically safe but mentally, emotionally, and spiritually safe as well. Click here to read more »

There is no doubt that the appeal of dating younger women is clearly obvious. Whether it be their incredible physical form; vibrant and spontaneous nature; or hope and enthusiasm they hold for dating, love, and life. However, there are some things to keep in mind about younger women and what they are going through this time period in their lives. Knowing what these are can help you develop and maintain attraction; anticipate their needs; and minimize drama and shit testing.

Shaping their identity and finding their place in the world
Women in the 18-24 age range are fresh out of home or college and ready to hit the big bad world until they realize that they have absolutely no idea about what goes on it in.

Finally, the veil of protection given by their parents and various educational institutions starts to lift, and they are left to their own devices to craft a life that they feel suits them and that they can gladly call their own.

As part of this transitional identity forming stage of their lives comes a highly idealistic perception backed with high expectations of what they think and feel life should be about. Ironically, some of these expectations about dating, love, and life are crafted from unreliable sources like: romantic comedies, travel brochures, or sitcoms aimed at selling them a dream that few can actually accomplish, or that many will eventually find unfulfiling. This is a time for experimentation, exploration, searching, and hope. For many young women, this is a time to: feel free, party, embrace the world full tilt, and spend time finding out what it is they actually like or feel is important in their lives. What a wonderful time it is to be with a woman in this period of her life. She can act spontaneous; eagerly try new things; and feel truly optimistic about the happiness and joy that love can bring her. Whether her goals are to settle down with the right man, charge ahead with her career, or travel the world – her enthusiasm for these things will be captivating to any man. Click here to read more »

“A pedestal is as much a prison as any small, confined space.”
~ Gloria Steinem

Now, if this was a “pick up” blog I would be saying, “Why have one girl when you can have 10?” And, then proceed to tell you all the benefits of what having 10 girlfriends would be. But for anyone who has actually had more than ONE girlfriend at a time, the reality is it creates more problems than it does benefits. But that is besides the point, because the point is that the majority of you are looking to get the interest of ONE particular woman.

So, here is the best way in which you can attract that one woman into your life. First, it’s your (good old) mindset. It’s your attitude and your inner game. Now, I know this is the boring answer and I know that some of you just wished for once I would say, “Here is this bright shiny blue pill and if you just take it, the girl of your dreams will be in your arms and you will live happily ever after”. But as you know, life let alone dating women is not like that – AT ALL.

So, yes, it’s all about your mindset baby! In fact, there are complete programs out there that ONLY focus on helping you develop the mindset to attract and keep a woman in your life. And, if it’s good enough for them, then it’s good enough for you. So let’s get to it!

You know what makes a fantasy so appealing? The fact that it’s a fantasy! And, usually the basis of any fantasy is intense focus on only ONE SIDE of the equation. And, as you know life is always working in balance. So, it’s not that the balance doesn’t exist, it’s just that the fantasy prevents you from seeing the other side. If you could see what you want from a balanced perspective, then you would take the fantasy off it’s pedestal and more than likely set a realistic plan to accomplish your goals which YOU BELIEVED was possible.

Which brings me to this idea:

Most of you guys say that you want to get that one special girl, but MOST of you don’t believe that you really can get her.

Some of you don’t believe you are worthy to get a girl like that. Some of you think that you are going to need to work extra hard and be super perfect to attract a girl like that into your life and to keep her there. Click here to read more »

You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love & affection.
~Buddha

I know “that” woman you are talking about. Ok, maybe not personally, but I know that you think she is the one woman or the one kind of woman that would really make all your dreams come true. Maybe she is uber hot. Maybe she is seriously sexy. Maybe you think you would have a killer connection with her. Fill in the blanks however you please.

Whether it’s a celebrity fantasy like Kim Kardashian, Angeline Jolie, Megan Fox or Jessica Alba; or it’s the girl next door; the girl at work; the best friend who you want to get to know in the “other way” – the same question keeps coming up.

“How do I get a girl like “that” to date a guy like me?”

Which is usually followed by a whole bunch of reasons your “mind” makes up which disqualifies you from dating a woman like this. In fact, the mind is a very powerful thing. And, even if a woman like “that” was interested in you – with that current mindset either you wouldn’t see it, or you would sabotage the process so a girl like “that” would eventually lose interest in you.

Now, I’m not going to go on another rant about how important mindset and self esteem is when attracting and dating good quality women (or maybe I am). I would suggest that if you can’t relate to any of what I’m saying – it’s probably because you have grown beyond this point. Congratulations. For everyone else .. keep reading. Click here to read more »