What She REALLY Means vs. What She Says
I know it can be confusing and frustrating when a girl says one thing and means another. One important thing to note about women is that most of the time – you cannot take their words literally. Women are incredibly equipped to be able to read between the lines and pick up on things that are not being “said”. This is one of the primary ways in which they create and maintain relationships with other women and the people around them. If you actually watch two women interact with one another you and pay attention to this – you will see that they are always reading behind the lines to identify the true meaning of what is being said. The majority of men are very literal. You take things at face value. Thus, the difference in communication styles creates discrepancies. Please feel free to use this post as a translation guide. And, if there is a common phrase that I missed which you would like a translation for please leave it in the comments below and I will explain it!
She says: “I’m fine”
What she means: There IS something wrong. And, you should know that when I say I’m fine – I’m really not.
Why she does this: She wants you to care enough to first notice that something is wrong and then second ask her questions to determine what’s really on her mind.
What you should do: When a woman tells you she is fine – realise that it’s a red flag that something is up. You get one point for noticing. And, one point for doing something about it. More often than not she will either be feeling vulnerable or angry about something. If she is feeling vulnerable focus more on reassurance. If she is feeling angry focus on getting her to lighten up, laugh, and relax a little more.
She says: “Just forget about it”
What she means is: just forget about it … for now because I’m frustrated I’m not getting my point across to you. And, if I argue with you anymore I’m probably going to cry or be really upset. But I’m too angry right now to be upset.
Why she does this: To end the conversation before she gets too upset or to alert you that she is actually annoyed about something.
What you should do: Find out where the misunderstanding lies. Most of the time she will say this because she feels like you don’t understand something that she is trying to communicate with you. Tell her you won’t forget about it until she tells you what’s really going on. Don’t interpret it literally!
She says: “I’ll be 5 minutes”
What she means: Whatever a woman says she needs time wise. It’s best to at least double that. So, if she says 5 minutes – then expect at least 10 minutes. This is important for shorter time frames but it decreases as the time frame expands. So if she says three hours then estimate about 4.5 to 5 hours … not 6.
Why she does this: Women genuinely believe that they can get things done within that time frame. But reality doesn’t usually match the expectation.
What you should do: Use the time formula to expect what time she really needs. Don’t hold it against her – if she exceeds her time. Just accommodate it into your plans.
She says: “Isn’t that girl hot?”
What she means: Reassure me that I’m prettier.
Why she does this: She wants to know if you will be easily swayed by the next hot girl to test how faithful you are to her.
What you should do: Be playful about it and then highlight something that you like better about her.
She says: “Let’s just be friends”
What she means: I don’t feel enough attraction for you to be more than that.
Why she does this: She feels that it will be a softer way of letting you down.
What you should do: If you value her as friend – then work on being her friend. If you are only really interested in her in that romantic way then focus on changing the chemistry of the relationship – which may involve going away for a short bit and coming back with a different game plan.
She says: “I’m not interesting in dating anyone at the moment”
What she means: I’m not interested in dating you.
Why she does this: She doesn’t want to bluntly say the above.
What you should do: It depends on the context in which she has said this. If it’s just a random comment while mid conversation – it could be a hint that she doesn’t feel attraction for you yet. In this case you want to focus on building that attraction, connection, and spark. If she says this while you are planning to take her on a date or move in for a kiss – then it’s a definite that she isn’t at the point where she feels that physical attraction for you.
She says: “A guy the other day totally hit on me …”
What she means: Are you going to be jealous that a guy hit on me?
Why she does this: She wants to know if you care enough to be a little protective over her. She wants reassurance that you appreciate her.
What you should do: Don’t act in the extreme. So, don’t react with intense jealousy or with complete apathy. Rather take it on board respond calmly and add a subtle suggestion that you are glad she is your girl and not someone else’s.
She says: “It’s not you – I’ve just been busy”
What she means: It’s you. Something is up. But I’m not ready to tell you what it is.
Why she does this: Maybe she has been feeling off about you. Or maybe she is upset at you for something. But she doesn’t want to admit that directly to you.
What you should do: Don’t take it personally. Probe a little to see what the underlying issue is. If she is consistently using that excuse on you – it’s probably her way of saying that she is NOT making herself available to you and you should probably start looking elsewhere.
She says: “You should go …”
What she means: I dare you to go but you don’t have my permission. I won’t stop you from going but you will pay for it later.
Why she does this: She is upset that you going for whatever reason and expects you to take her feelings into consideration before you make that decision.
What you should do: Don’t automatically give in. Most of the time acknowledge her feelings, reassure her – and then make the best decision for you. She may not like it initially – but she will learn to respect it.
She asks: “What was your last girlfriend like?”
What she means: How do I compare to her?
Why she does this: She is looking for reasons why she would be a better match for you. She also wants to gauge how much of a grip the past has on you – to see your longer term viability and emotional availability.
What you should do: Talk from a neutral state about your ex and then highlight certain things that you really like about your current girl.
Obviously, each situation is a little different. But these translations serve as a general guideline as to what a woman usually means when she says something. Your course of action is always up to you. My advice is to experiment with by responding in ways you usually would and then trying some of these suggestions out and gauging if you get a different response. If, there was a phrase that you would really like translated then let me know what it is in the comments below.