Keep your promise. Keep her interest.
Keep every promise you make and only make promises you can keep.
~ Anthony Hitt
In other words, if you can’t make a promise then just don’t make it at all. Often guys think that in order to keep a woman happy they have to promise her “the world”. But in actual fact, you are more likely to make a woman happy by the promises that you deliver on.
For any of the women reading this post (I know you are out there) what would you prefer? A man who sets the expectation that he will not call you for two weeks and then doesn’t. Or a man that promises to call you for two weeks but doesn’t. Which one would bother you the most?
In either case, the same thing happened. He didn’t call for two weeks. BUT the expectation that you (the man) sets – MAKES ALL the difference. I can tell you right now that most women would prefer the first scenario than the second one. The reason is because in the first instance her expectation is that she will not get a call for two weeks. And, in the second instance she is expecting calls during this time and has two weeks to be continually disappointed that she is not getting one. By making a promise you are creating an expectation within a woman. So, you have to be careful about the promises that you make. If unsure – then do not make the promise.
Men think that they have to make excuses to get them out of trouble. But if they ONLY made promises that they could keep it would keep then out of a lot MORE. Empty promises do more damage than not making any promises at all. Why? Because when you make a promise you SET the expectation of what will happen next.
So, only promise her “the world” if you know that you can deliver on it. If you can’t then keep your mouth shut.
I often say that you can tell a lot about how a woman really feels through her actions. Women use the same thing to truly gauge a man’s interest in her.(Actually what really happens is that a man’s actions reflect that he may not be that into her for whatever reason and the woman will try to rationalize her way into thinking that he still is).
So essentially, you can tell both where a man and a woman’s interest lies through their actions.
Keeping your word and making promises that you can truly deliver on, is a key relationship skill that will be beneficial during the courting stage and beyond. It’s not a “pick up technique”. It’s a way of conducting yourself when it comes to interacting with the opposite sex and conducting yourself when it comes to your own life.
It comes down to being an honorable man. A man of your word. A man of integrity. A man who follows through on his actions. And, in this day and age (women will greatly appreciate this).
Creating a habit out of this actually proves to be more beneficial to you on many different levels. First, you don’t have to lie. You don’t have to formulate excuses in your head and practice them so they come across as sincere. Second, you can set real limits on what you ARE willing to do and not to do. Third, you create trust within a woman that will make her more secure and respectively less demanding. Fourth, you know that you can stay true to your word.
How much better do you feel when you know you DO follow through on your actions? You are not just fluffing around – when you say you are going to do something then you know that you are going to do it.
That’s not to say that certain things CAN happen that you did not foresee and so you have to break on a promise. Every man is given a certain lee way. But if this becomes a consistent process of breaking promises then it can lead to a woman becoming insecure, needy, and demanding. Why? Because you are teaching her that she cannot trust you. And, this can trigger other insecurities within her.
The art of keeping promises …
Now, I’m also aware that there are certain areas in your life where you are definitely proactive and it’s easy to keep your promises AND there are other areas in your life when you just find it hard to keep those promises.
Maybe you find it easy to stick to deadlines at work, but find it hard to get yourself to the gym. Maybe you find it easy to get to the gym but hard to commit to that girl.
So here is the little insight: You will find it easier to keep promises in those areas where you experience equal amounts of pleasure and pain. This is a double motivator because you have a reason that moves you toward keeping that promise and you also have a reason that would result in pain if you don’t keep your promise.
When you have a situation like this – then you will keep your promise FOR SURE.
For example, let’s say you find it easy to keep the promise of going to the gym.
The pleasure motivator is that you feel a new sense of overall confidence because you feel great and look great. And, the pain motivator may be that you have a 20 year high school reunion coming up (and you used to be overweight) as a kid and would really like to show off your new body and better yet you cannot stand the thought of going to that reunion feeling “bad” about yourself or overweight.
So, for those of you that find it hard to keep your promises on one particular area of your life what you need to do is balance the pain and pleasure motivators.
If there is not enough pleasure motivators that exist then create a list of reasons (that you believe to be very true) to increase it. And, vice versa.
When you can keep your promises in the most key and important areas of your life – you will feel like a much more confident and integral man (consider it just one step in the “better man plan”)
I’ve had my say, now it’s your turn.
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A really powerful post Jennifer. And as always the truth. Us men do have a habit of unthinkingly making a promise then not following through. Not necessarily because we lied, but because we didn’t THINK when we made the promise and when time comes to deliver w find out that there is no way we can fulfill the promise (at least that has happened to me a lot).
So a good practice for any man reading this article would be to take a moment and THINK before making a promise.
Do you mean it when you say it? Or do you just want her off your back?
Can you actually deliver it? Or will it require a miracle to pull off?
Is it something you can do with integrity? Or will you be committing a major crime?
Think first, THEN promise. That’s what I suggest.
Excellent article Jennifer.
I’m from the school of thought that a guy should somewhat disappoint at times opposed to delivering every single time which will lead to a sense of ingratitude on the girl’s part.
But I get your overall point though.
True what you say that you can tell where a man’s and woman’s interest lie through their actions, but also the same can be said of their reactions to the others actions. When the interest factor starts to drop, the relationship is heading towards troubled waters.
It is true that it is better to over deliver than under deliver – if you can’t keep your promise, don’t make it. But I think it also equally applies socially to friends & family, though the ‘pain factor’ is always more when related to matters of the heart.
I just know that when it comes to the ladies, you HAVE to keep the promises. So don’t do anything or say anything you can’t fulfill.
Besides, when you actually go above and beyond, you end up really impressing her.
Can we say “winning!?”
But keeping women interested is just about as challenging as keeping the ladies interested… trust me.
Just keep an open and honest conversation and everything will fall into place. Trust!
-JC
My thinking is that you cannot expect to receive from another what you’re not willing to give. So, if you want the person you’re dating to keep their promises to you, then you should keep the ones you make to them.