Are you waiting for the right person to come along?
Love is flow and walls keep the flow out
~ Deepak Chopra
I recently wrote a newsletter for my exclusive readers about how to be the “complete package” (become an exclusive reader here). This was a little different from a lot of the articles, posts, and newsletters that I usually write about. The reason for this was that it was based on some of the more “superficial” things that help attract a woman. Things like your overall appearance, your competencies, and making your home more women friendly. Throughout this newsletter however I did emphasize first and foremost what is MOST important in attracting a woman. And, that being your confidence, presence, and charm. This is something that nice cologne or an interesting skill-set CANNOT compensate for.
And, on the topic of things that cannot be compensated for I wanted to talk about “finding love” or rather, “finding that special woman to love”. I know that a lot of you are in this place right now. Many of you are looking for ways you can attract that wondrous woman into your life that will somehow strip away the loneliness that none of you would outwardly like to admit exists.
And, while I talk about developing your presence, widening your skill set, building more self-esteem, and understanding women – all of these WILL NOT make much of a difference: until one thing happens.
It’s not a skill-set. It’s not a class you can take. It’s not something that you will have to conquer, accomplish, or win. It’s not something you have to do.
It’s something that you can only change within yourself. It’s something that you can only give to yourself. It’s something you have to feel in every part of your being.
What is it you ask?
It’s about surrender, vulnerability, opening up, and letting your walls down. It’s about treating yourself how you expect to be treated. It’s about finding what you want on the outside, within yourself.
As Above so Below as Within so Without
~ The Emerald Tablet, circa 3000 BC
So, in plain and simple English what does this mean?
1) You have to be open to love
2) The love you want to experience with another can and MUST be created within you first
And, the best part? This is good news! What’s most liberating about this is that the ONUS is back on us. It puts the responsibility back into our hands. You don’t have to wait around for a woman to come around that will fill the void of loneliness. You have the responsibility and obligation to fill that void yourself. You can stop sitting around and waiting for something or someone to happen to you. The onus, responsibility, and control are back in your hands.
If this blog is about anything – it’s about personal empowerment. Take responsibility for your actions without blame, judgement, or anger.
Often “singles advice” revolves around, “get on with your own life, and make it your best” or something to that effect. I would add to that and say – make it your best life AND let yourself in. Learn to be gentler on yourself. Laugh at that critical voice that comes into your head. Make fun of him or her. Don’t be constantly beating yourself up about the past. Get to the point where you like yourself and treat yourself well. And, once you are there, get to the point where you really love yourself. This is about truly knowing your worth and connecting with it.
Once you let yourself in … then it’s easier to let someone else in. That’s the gamble of love. Our underlying fear is that no one will love us for who we really are. So, we mask who we are. We do whatever it takes to cover up who we really are. Because it’s ok if someone rejects the false image you presented them. But it’s far more devastating when they reject the real you. So, we hide – secretly hoping that somehow someone will come along and will change that.
But it’s not up to that someone to come along. It’s up to you to start breaking down some of those walls. And, the first place that starts with the walls you have built against yourself.
So, find those things about yourself that make you feel uncomfortable. Find those things that you haven’t forgiven yourself for. Find those things that you are terrified to show other people. And, once you do find ways to be more accepting of them. And, once you have done that, find new ways to embrace and celebrate them.
I will leave you with a quote from, “The Path to Love” by Deepak Chopra:
You can never receive more love than you are prepared to receive
You cannot give more love than you have to give
The love reflected from another person has its source in your own heart
I’ve had my say, now it’s your turn.
P.S Click the “like” button if you enjoyed this post =)
[...] I recently wrote a newsletter for my exclusive readers about how to be the “complete package” (become an exclusive reader here). This was a little different from a lot of the articles, posts, and newsletters that I usually write about. The reason for this was that it was based on some of the more “superficial” things that help attract a woman. Things like your overall appearance, your competencies, and making your home more women friendly. Throughout this newsletter however I did emphasize first and foremost what is MOST important in attracting a woman. And, that being your confidence, presence, and charm. This is something that nice cologne or an interesting skill-set CANNOT compensate for. [...]
A very insightful article. the thing I like most about this advice is that it feels completely empowering. It is down to you and only you to do your ‘inner work’ and you can, everybody can do this.
I would back Hot Alpha Female 100% in saying that if you raise your awareness and start giving to yourself, not only will you find improvements with relationships, but in every aspect of your life…
Jack…
mrnmrsromance.com
http://feeds.feedburner.com/mrnmrsromance/dGTX
What am I doing with my life? I just wanna connect. Why can’t I connect with people?
Oh right. It’s because I’m dead.
“Warm Bodies” trailer. Genius really …
Hi great post Jen….I thought I’d give a scenario about this one girl I was interested in. Now I know how I screwd things up, but im curious what was going on in her head. Ok I met her back in highschool and well i kept chasing after her but she wasn’t interested so this went on for a few years then comes graduation and I never see her again or so I thought, but through blind luck we end up talking again. At this point were more on a “friends” basis. so over a year or so we get to know each other really well and I was really upfront with her (she probly knows me better then anyone), But one day I tell her something really personal and it totally creeped her out she wont even talk to me anymore however whenever I told her something personal before she was glad i told her, but why would she be glad I told her if she really wasn’t interested. so this kinda confused me and even now years later I still cant figure it out. The only reason I ask is because I’ve become fascinated with how a women’s mind works and yes Jen it its all your fault that im fascinated with how a women’s mind works ( just kidding). Well anyone have any insights they’d like to share.
@Rob: Thank you for asking =) I know even that takes courage. I would ask you if there was a difference in the personal stuff your shared with her before VS the last personal thing that you shared with her before she stopped talking to you? And, was the last personal thing that you shared with her ore specifically about the way that you felt about her?
Sometimes when there is a man in our lives that we consider a friend but that we don’t feel that sexual physical connection with – it freaks us out when they admit they have feelings for us. And the reason why it freaks us out is that we don’t like them back in a reciprocal fashion. And most of the time when women freak out – they have a knee jerk reaction of stopping communication altogether. The knee jerk reaction is a preemptive action to avoid possible future interactions that are awkward.
If she was your friend and you wanted to move it forward in more of a sexual/romantic way – telling her how you felt all those years ago would only have been the best move AFTER you had spent energy on building up that sexual/physical attraction.
Hope this helps,
HAF
This post truly resonated with me.
It feels like you’re taking that giant leap into the deep end HAF ( you may have been there all along but it’s wonderful that you’re now opening this path up to your readers).
For me the concept of ego and how it creates misery is easy to understand , it all makes perfect sense. The difficulty( for me) comes down to practice…. the ability to step back and witness my ego at work. It constantly requires attention, it creates unrealistic expectations of others and then gets pissed off when those expectations aren’t met. Ego can take the seed of a negative comment and look everywhere for verification and reinforcement… these are the seeds that grow into limiting beliefs. This is where “the void” takes root.
What I’m trying to say is… loving yourself is a process , first you need to understand the reasons you don’t , or can’t. Understang the role of ego is the first step.
Great post HAF !
Looking forward to more.
Wow! Powerful article Jennifer! Excellent writing! Kudos!
Thanks for the insight HAF and no there wasn’t much difference in what I was sharing. It was all pretty deep. I think things were just boiling up till they just exploded and at the time I was going through bad times so things were really crazy so that could have contributed to it. Well anyway thanks
Oops forgot to add I also had the dreaded oneitis for her.
@Jeff: I think the most important thing is improvement. We don’t have to be perfect all the time. It’s just about asking yourself, “Did I handle this better than I would have last week, or last month?”, and if I didn’t can I still “love and accept myself for being human?”. Growth is an evolution process and everyone is one their own little path going as slow or as fast as they need to.
And, you are right – loving yourself is a process. And, some people have to like themselves before they can even love themselves.
Thank you for sharing your insights and glad you are on board =)
HAF
In reality all men are sculptors, constantly chipping away the unwanted parts of their lives, trying to create their idea of the masterpiece.
Your blog is really awesome. I like the idea that you start every post with a quote related to the post subject or title. This post is also empowering.
I just want to add that if you want something then go get it, in other words, if you like someone then try to attract them and even if you failed you can replicate the same process till you manage to attract someone you are already attracted to… But setting and just waiting will get no one to no where.
Thanks for the nice topic and the well organized blog.