The power of sincerity …
Insincerity is always weakness; sincerity even in error is strength.
~ George Henry Lewes
Sincerity is like this lost form of connecting and communicating these days. We are constantly being lied to all the way from our politicians to our moms (who told you dating would be easy). And, most importantly we lie to ourselves. Telling ourselves that “It’s not really that bad” or “That’s not really what’s happening” or “That you gave it your best shot” when you know deep down you really gave it a half assed attempt.
But today, is not really going to be about you. I will say that part of becoming the best man you can be is going to require you to get really honest with yourself. When you can take honest assessments of where you are in your life and what you would like to improve (without the self-criticism or blame) then you can really start to move your life forward.
So, aside from that little note – this post is not about you. It is more about the importance of being sincere with the women that you interact with.
Most “gurus” who talk about attraction or picking up women will kind of dodge around this subject. This is however, something that I have come back to time and time again.
Sincerity helps develop trust with a woman. And, trust (as we all know) is the foundation of attraction. Because if she doesn’t feel safe around you, then you’ve got no more air time to demonstrate otherwise.
So, what does sincerity actually entail?
It means that you are honest and upfront about your intentions. Let me ask you this … Have you ever “beat around the bush” with a woman? You know like wanted to get her number, ask her out on that date, or move in for the kiss but did EVERYTHING ELSE except what you really wanted to do?
Part of following through on your intentions is reminding yourself of what you really want. When you get a woman’s number and are texting her it’s not because you wanted to talk about random sitcoms on TV or ask her about her day (every day). You got her number because you wanted to get her out on the date.
When you get a woman out on that date the main objective is to see if there is chemistry between you to and then get another chance to see her again. You didn’t go on the date to just hang, be her buddy, her bank, or her emotional cushion. So, keeping your FIRST intentions in mind is very important. Don’t lose focus of the goal.
Now, what happens if you are constantly beating around the bush with women? They will either be creeped out or lose interest. It’s that simple.
So, I know some of you may be thinking, “But what if I’m too forward and I blow her out of the water?” It’s also true if you “show all your cards” that a woman can also lose interest. So, what you have to find is a happy medium in between the two. It requires a bit of finesse.
Finding the Finesse …
So, here are some guidelines to help you through the process:
1.When a woman is clearly interested in you then being forward will actually be appreciated.
2. When you do show your intentions clearly, don’t let her reaction (good or bad) have a visible emotional response on your behalf. So, that means when she says yes – don’t start jumping around and acting like a kid in a candy store. And, when she says no – don’t look like someone just ran over your dog. Answer in a way that looks like you anticipated her response and knew what she was going to say.
3. Sometimes stating the obvious can help a woman relax. For example if you approach a woman at a bar you can say, “Ok, so I know you think that I’m trying to hit on you right now, but really it’s because I’m trying to protect you from all the other creepy men in the bar”.
Most likely she will give you a smile and say something along the lines of, “Oh is that so?”
To which you reply, “No not really, I just wanted to talk to you”.
A conversation like this has a playful flow to it, but it’s sincere and some of your cards (but not all) are showing on the table.
4. If you are more upfront about your intentions then it will lead the way for a woman to be more upfront about hers.
5. In tricky situations sincerity helps clear up the air. By tricky situations I mean: dating co-workers, your boss, teacher; or transiting from a friend to a guy she would date etc.
I often get emails from guys talking about different types of these situations. Most of you talk about the mixed and confusing signals you are getting from this woman. More than likely this occurs because the woman is a little freaked out by the change in behavior and doesn’t know what to do about it. So, in these situations it’s better to be forward and clear about your intentions. That way, when a woman is sitting on the fence she has to pick a side and knows what she is getting into.
As a side note: It can really creep a woman out when you hide her true intentions under a cover I.e she is your work colleague and you ask her out for a “work” lunch or meeting and then proceed to act like it’s a proper date …… Yeah, that’s not cool. Whip up the confidence to get her out on a proper date whilst making your intentions CRYSTAL clear.
And this leads me to my final point:
It’s OK to let a woman know that you are interested in her and that you are actively pursuing her!
This is a much better option that beating around the bush or trying to be more mysterious then you really are. State your intentions proudly. State them unapologetically. And, state them confidently. Most importantly if you are in limbo land – then push her off that fence.
I’ve had my say, now it’s your turn.