3 Tips For Dealing With Controlling Women
“Nothing is more terrible than activity without insight.”
~ Thomas Carlyle
Now, I’m sure that you don’t wake up and think, “I would just love to date a controlling woman! That would be so much fun!” Yet you continue to find yourself with a woman who at times is demanding, nagging, complaining, and just acting downright bossy. Despite this, controlling behavior is simply a natural extension to a woman’s personality, just like drinking a cold beer, zoning into a sports game, or playing a video game is to you after a hard day’s work.
Since we have established that controlling women are everywhere, let me help you identify this behavior and show you how to minimize it.
Recognize controlling behavior is simply a signal that a woman is feeling insecure. She may feel a threat to her sense of self, her emotional state, or your relationship with her. Therefore, the controlling behavior creates a sense of security in her world, which stems from her temporary inability to trust you or herself. In her mind, it’s easier to hone in on you rather than look at her own insecurities. Ultimately, she needs her emotional security restored. She needs to regain that certainty with her sense of self, emotional state, or relationship with you. So, what are specific things you can do to prevent and manage controlling behavior?
Set Your Own Boundaries
A woman will use controlling behavior to test the limits of your personal boundaries. This will allow her to gauge your level of self-respect thereby equally matching it. Therefore, high levels of respect for yourself will be matched with high levels of respect from her. Your self-respect represents and re-enforces a boundary for her. So, by maintaining and increasing your self-respect, you prevent and decrease her attempts at controlling behavior.
A woman can also continue to push your limits until other boundaries are imposed on her. Most often, women who do this are testing to discover if you are willing to enforce such boundaries. Think of a small child who sees how much they can “act up” or “get away with something” before there are consequences. And, depending on a woman’s maturity level (because some women still act like children and some are more mature) it’s very important you set and enforce boundaries on her. For example, when she barks an order at you, decide if and when you would consider doing it. Don’t automatically assume that you HAVE to do it because she told you to. Her views and opinions are only supplements to your final decision. You are your own man. And especially in the beginning (attraction phases) no matter what happens, you stand by your decision. In this way, you are teaching her how to treat you. You are creating and maintaining boundaries that inspire and perpetuate her respect for you.
Call Her Out On Her Controlling Behavior
The truth is some women are consistently getting away with their bad behavior. Some know it and others don’t. So, when you come into her life, you can distinguish yourself from all the other men she is surrounded with by being one of the few men to ever call her out. Even though she may whine, rebel, scowl, complain, or pout when you call her out, she will internally experience your assertiveness as exciting, refreshing, and attractive. So, the next time she has a temper tantrum, starts ordering you around, or takes the lead, use that as an opportunity to call her out on her games. Use that as an opportunity to regain the leadership position. Use that as an opportunity to tease and connect with her. This will make you unique in her world. Trust me, if she doesn’t appreciate you for it in the moment, she will appreciate you for it later!
Give Her What She Really Needs
As I mentioned previously, when a woman is acting controlling, it’s usually because there an underlying need that is currently unmet. About 90% of the time, this will be an insecurity she feels about something, which she is displacing onto you. What she really needs to feel is your grounding presence: that you are a real man who understands her and her games. She by no means wants you to bend because of her controlling behavior. In fact, giving in to her is how you lose.
The only real way you can truly win is to not give in to her controlling behavior and to directly address the unstated need. Most of the time when a woman acts controlling, there is something else on her mind. She will most likely just need to express, vent, and release any negative energy that has built up in her. Once she has done this, she will no longer have the urge to act controlling with you. All you have to do is listen and be present for her. This will be enough for her to alleviate any stress, tension, or anxiety that she may be experiencing. You don’t have to give her solutions. You don’t have to take everything she says personally. By doing so, all of it will reveal your ability to look past her games, address her unspoken need for security, and resolve the true problem: her insecurity.
So, remember that she is not crazy, she is a woman. She experiences the world differently than you. She handles stress differently from you. She processes her emotions differently. Additionally, there are times where she may be more controlling and demanding than others. Just remember, sometimes she wants to be the little girl she hardly ever gets to be. She will need to talk with you, hug you, or lean on you. By understanding the real reason why she is acting controlling, you can take your ego out of the equation and really know how to give her what she needs. What she needs is a real man who can see through all her games, appreciate her for who she truly is, and be her true pillar of strength. And that my friend, can be you!
I’ve had my say, now it’s your turn!
P.S Click the “like” button if you enjoyed this post =)