This post isn’t going to be about how to attract a woman. I’m not going to talk about attraction triggers. I’m not going to talk about building your self-confidence. And, there won’t be any insights on getting inside her head. But in a roundabout way, this post inevitably will help your relationships with women. That’s because this post is about YOU. And, since “you” are the core basis of how you feel in your own world, how you perceive your world, and how you interact with your world – having a concrete sense of who you are and what’s important to you – just screams attractiveness to women, men, and basically everyone you encounter.

I recently read a post (which I can’t seem to find again but I will update this post when I do) which was on how to define the difference between what you “want” and what you “yearn” for. I’m sure you have asked yourself the question on many occasions – “What is it that I want?” In fact, you’ve probably answered this question so many times that your answers are automatic and in some ways emotionless. In essence, the post I read points out the difference between asking yourself, “What do I want?” and answering the question, “What do I really yearn for?” Even though it’s a simple substitute of a few words the impact is completely different.

So, how do you answer the question of, “What do I want”. The first answers that may spring to your head may be: I want a girlfriend, I want my ex-girlfriend back, I want a date, I want sex, I want that cool car, I want to be like that other guy, I want that job promotion, or I want a sundae.

But is that what you really want? Or, is what you are really yearning for is the feeling associated with “what you believe” that particular person or thing will give you?

Let me explain further. Let’s say that you answer that question with, “What I really want is a job promotion” but what you really yearn for is to be recognized for your efforts. What you may really yearn to make someone in your life proud. What you may really yearn is to feel like you have achieved something significant in your life. The same applies to wanting a girlfriend. Some of you want a girlfriend because you really yearn to feel complete. You yearn for a sense of companionship. You yearn to be happy.

Have you ever had a situation where you thought you really wanted something and then when you got it – were just disappointed because it didn’t give you the “feeling” that you were hoping or expecting? Many times the things we say we want and not in direct alignment with the things that we truly yearn for. Sometimes what we think we want is largely influenced by our peers, family, environment, and even our culture.

What you “want” is usually cultivated through the mind, but what your “yearn” for is something that is spoken from your heart, from your inner most desires, and from your gut.

I think our society is obsessed by this notion of, “to be happy you must first buy this or have that”. This kind of thinking means that happiness is based on something that is outside yourself. Your happiness is based on the conditions that are going on in your life. So, the question I have for you is: why wait?

Why wait for the girlfriend to feel complete? Why wait for the job promotion to feel successful? Instead of going in a roundabout way to your happiness why don’t you go straight to the source of what you really yearn for?

So, if you really yearn for a sense of completeness then what is something that you could do right now to make you feel complete right now (that’s what you really want anyways)? Is it meditation? Is it riding your negativity? Is it focusing on life on things that are actually true and important to you? Is it fully involving yourself into a hobby? Is it walking along a deserted beach? Does it involve travelling? Does it involve sitting alone yet feeling completely connected to yourself and your life? Is it listening to a wonderful piece of music? Is it spending time with your friends and family?

That feeling you are seeking – it exists inside of you. You don’t have to wait for something outside to change that. You can access it at any time you choose to – it’s just you haven’t put the conscious effort into it. It’s that you’ve had too many rules in your own mind that it’s been hard to win your own game. So, don’t make it so hard for yourself to win. Change and bend the rules.

Create consciously instead of living unconsciously.

And, ironically when you focus on this feeling of completeness you allow more wonderful things to flow into your life. Meaning your chances of getting that girlfriend are actually increased because you are now vibrating at a different energy level. You know who you are. You feel good about yourself. You aren’t looking to her to give you anything. You can walk in as an equal. You can talk to her with a clear mind. You can be authentic in your interactions. And, better yet you will attract women who match you on your level.

That sounds like a pretty good deal to me. So, why don’t you give it a try – you’ve got everything to gain and only unconscious living to lose. Seems like a pretty sweet deal to me.

So, here is my suggestion on how to do this:

Step One: Write down a list of things that you really want
Step Two: Then write down a list of things that you really yearn for
Step Three: Pick one thing from that second list and focus on fulfilling it by making small changes everyday

Now, it sounds simple. And, it is simple, but it may not be easy for some of you. Big changes don’t happen over night, but small positive habits that are built upon each other can lead to a truly fulfilling life. So, the most important thing is that you just get started.

I’ve had my say, now it’s your turn.

HAF

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