Reasons Why Women Test Men …
Understanding can overcome any situation, however mysterious or insurmountable it may appear to be.
~Norman Vincent Peale
So let me give you a couple of examples. You get her number which she gives to you readily, yet she doesn’t return your calls nor pick them up when you call. Or she sets up a date with you and then, cancels last minute. Or she is always busy and can never make time to speak to you or spend more time with you.
Yes my friend, you have a woman who is blowing you off! If you are making all the moves on this chick and she is giving you absolutely nothing back, then I can tell you right now, that there is nothing you will accomplish by stalking her or calling her 5 times a day instead of once. I’m also here to tell you, she most likely is not interested in pursing anything further with you. Its a hint dude, so read the signs and move on. I know it sucks when they don’t like you the way that you do, but such is life. Not everyone that you like is going to like you back…. no matter what you do.
Don’t sweat it. You’ll live =)
Now there is a difference between a woman that is blowing you off and a woman that is being flakey. A woman blowing you off, will usually give you nothing back to work with. A woman that is being flakey means that sometimes she gives you what you want and other times she doesn’t. You can probably describe her actions as intermittent. When a woman is being flakey she is most likely interested in you, but is testing you. In other words they are seeing how much of her BullS***T you are prepared to take and how effective her little games and mannerisms will be with you. The more effectively she is able to manipulate you, the less interested she will be in you.
So when a woman is being flakey and testing you, this is great! Because it means there is actually something that you can do, to give you a fighting chance with her! To help you understand a little bit more though, first I’ll give you a list of reasons why women feel compelled to test you;
to gauge a man’s presence
to gauge a man’s strength
to see whether this man can match her on her level
to filter out which men are worth her time
to ensure that this man can protect himself and therefore protect her (emotionally and/or physically)
See the reasons why women are testing is because at the core of their being they have the urge to want to feel “safe and protected”. This also helps to trigger attraction in a woman. By being present, demonstrating strength and understanding her actions, behaviours, and her challenges/tests she feels like she is more able to surrender and let her guard down.
The safer a woman feels around you, the less she will test you, period.
You see if there is a woman that is testing you a lot, then its because of one of two things.
Reason # 1
She is getting to know you, so she is gauging you out – her testing will stop or minimize dramatically if you are able to assert who exactly is in charge and pass her tests.
Reason # 2
She feels insecure and like her safety is threatened (emotionally and/or physically)
Most of you guys when initiating the dating stages will come across a woman flaking out on you or testing you because she wants to find out where your boundaries and your limits are.
The most important thing you can remember is that you must never give a woman the reaction that she is expecting. As soon as you do that, that is when you fail the test.
See the number one thing that I want you guys to understand is that women speak in figurative terms rather than literal terms. Men, you are great, because usually when you say something, that is exactly what you mean. When women say something, it many times will have nothing to do with what she is actually feeling or what the real problem or underlying meaning is. The meaning will usually be hidden under layers of “diversions, excuses and fake smiles”.
In the meantime, you are thinking that when she is complaining about her job, that its about her job. When its really because she feels unappreciated, overworked and emotionally drained and feels like she just needs someone to listen and validate her feelings.
Alternatively when she tells you that she likes you as a friend, it can also be her subtle way of asking you, come-on, how interested in me are you really? How much of my crap are you going to take, before you just go after what you really want.
It can also be expressed in her brattiness, her sarcasm and her smart alec remarks. Underlying all of this she is screaming, come-on prove to me you are not like all the other guys who are just going to kiss my ass all night. Prove to me that you are different. Beat me at my own game.
I know a lot of you complain about why women play so many games.
I ask you to re-frame this and look at more like, women subconsciously are compelled to test men as a survival mechanism. As a self preservation technique. As a biological and somewhat autonomous part of their brain that draws them to strong, capable and confident men.
Just like you guys are visual creatures and automatically find women with hourglass figures and proportionate hip to waist ratios, women are geared to test and evaluate their potential mates to find the most suitable one for them. When you learn the rules, you can then use them to your advantage. So why not give yourself the upper hand? She will love it!
I’ve had my say, now it’s your turn!
Hot Alpha Female



I like the Norman Vincent Peale quote. She is completely blowing me off, giving me nothing so that tells me not interested. I’ve asked a couple of other women and they think the same. I read somewhere though about pursuing a woman being a good thing (true flexible persistance), but in my case I don’t know. Maybe I should give up on her. Fantasy woman. The funny thing is, though, I worked with her for awhile and she wasn’t a fantasy then. Not sure what changed. Possibly a too much too soon situation on my part. I don’t know. I just remember her saying I was spoiling her, I was making her crazy, which now I think was a bad thing, and on occasion, if someone encourages me to think about her, whether intentionally or not, I obsess. Call it a weakness. But maybe I’ll find someone else. Maybe it can be good.
“A man is given the choice between loving women and understanding them.”
Ninon de Lenclos
Yet another excellent and to the point article Jennifer.
Alan, you’ve got to give her up. Don’t chase. I mean Jennifer just laid it out for you. If she is flat out blowing you off, its done. Over with. Finished. You have to just shrug it off and next her. Don’t ‘maybe’ it, do it. Find someone else. There are lots of someone else’s. Billions of them.
So what are some examples of women testing a guy and the guy passing it? Like a scenario
I once dated a girl who tested me so much I literally started to fail her test just to make her stop.
She then said: “I’m just testing you” with a teasing voice…
I said: Do you know why I started to fail all your test?
She; no?
Me; Becouse I just don’t care anymore.
You can actually only fail if put a meaning to it. once you don’t give a shit about label things up. She won’t label it either.
@ Desean
Women rarely mean what they say.
Example:
Her statement: We’re not having sex tonight.
Translation: We’re having sex tonight as long as
you don’t act negatively about what I just
said.
When a woman utters the above statement, you are
almost 100% guaranteed to have sex, unless
you argue with her about her statement. She just
needs to say it out loud in order to
rationalize the opposite behavior that she wants
to display. It’s her disclaimer.
She is looking to place the blame (for her
decision) on you. It’s the only way she can live
with herself. Take the blame and all of the
responsibility off her shoulders. She’s
waiting for you to say the right thing because she
wants to feel good about her decision.
Ever had the experience of doing great with her
one minute and then end up leaving without
her?
You’re thinking:
What just happened? She was really into me. I
guess I’m just not a closer.
She’s waiting for you to say the right thing; and
you didn’t.
You need to take the competitiveness out of it and
remove the adversarial component from the
interaction.
Don’t argue with them, agree with them;tell them
you don’t care.
Example 1
Her statement: We’re not having sex tonight
Your possible responses:
You: Who said anything about sex?
You: You better believe we’re not
You: What makes you think you could talk me into
having sex with you?
You: Wow that takes a lot of pressure off. What
should we do now?
You: I don’t remember asking you to
You: You’re an adult, do what you want
You: I don’t have sex until I get to know a girl
better
You: I never thought we were
Being confrontational will get you nowhere.
Act as if it doesn’t matter and that you are just
having fun and you’re not worried about
what happens later. Let her know that it’s ok to
do anything she wants and that she won’t be
judged for it. Remember, she doesn’t want feel
like feel bad for showing interest.
Here’s how she might rationalize it (after it
happens):
He was just so funny
He talked me into it
He kept buying me drinks
He just said all the right things
I told him that we weren’t having sex; I
objected. I’m not responsible for what happened
after that.
He was indifferent and that made me want him
He rejected me and NO ONE rejects me; what’s wrong
with me?
He didn’t care so I guess there was nothing to
prove
No where in that conversation did she say,
I just wanted him.
Once they feel comfortable and you’ve removed all
of their objections and all of the
roadblocks society has out in front of them they
won’t be able to come up with any other
reason to say no.
Try it and let me know what happens!
@ Mach – good post . Thanks for the effort in writing it.
@ Alan – we have all been there. Read over Jen’s posts. All of them. Then strut your stuff out there with as many girls as possible to gain experience. You may fail a lot at first but you will soon find your own style and get there in the end. I would just add that Jen’s line about “being the best man you can” will attract girls as you develop your character. Attracting girls should not be an end in itself imho as this will soon show up as a superficial trait. Just enjoy their company and have fun. Good luck.
I’m not sure all of it is “testing” per se, but yeah. The basic pattern is that women prefer to be dragged into relationships with pretended scepticism because they experience rejection slightly differently than men. Men don’t really have “friendzones” as they are quite easy to persuade into sex with friends – but being the “friend girl” of a guy who considers her “second choice” is bad times for a girl. A guy might think of it as a bonus.
So a girl will avoid all situations where she risks rejection and she will try to make sure that if the interaction ends, it ends on her terms. She wants to be “the price” but she also wants to feel that she was fought over and “won”. Maybe it allows her to believe even stronger in the connection with the guy and his willingness to put himself on the line.
If she accidently opens up too much, she might then close off too much, in order to preempt a rejection. How “into me” is he really, she thinks. Am I risking more than him? Am I exposing myself too much? This is not really meant to “punish” the guy (unless she is interpreting something as a rejection), but rather making sure that he is taking equal emotional risks.
The vulgar versions of all this “we’re not having sex” or “size matters to me” and so on are not really the same thing as “flaking”. There is a hint of resentment towards the guy for being in that situation with her and not making her feel comfortable enough. She might also not know what she is doing and just repeating lines from some tv-show or her girlfriends taught her. Depends.
ok now i dont know how active this bored is and im sure Jen gets a ton of emails so ill just put my question here and see what u guys think……….alright Jens always saying be a man but what are us submissive guys supposed to do i mean i dont always say yes to a women, but its kinda hard to say no when ya like to give em what they want and just generally be good to whoever yer with
Hey Rob. Looks like you’re my good deed for the day. If I comment on this blog, I usually return a couple of times over a couple of days to read responses, if any, then only return when I see Jennifer has something new up. But today I had an urge to take a look and you had this question up, so I’ll do my best to point you in the right direction.
If you’re submissive, you simply make yourself dominant. That requires internal working, more commonly known as “inner game” and there are many methods for doing this.
For me, I did a lot of work with affirmations, installing them primarily using the Mirror Technique (if you don’t know what that is, just google it)
Again, there are many tools to make the inner changes to yourself and you can find a great deal of information online and youtube is an excellent source and there are many blogs on becoming an alpha male…or atleast more of a man. Just find the method(s) that resonate with you, then apply them religiously.
Basically you want to seek out knowledge and wisdom on being stronger and more assertive with women. And more importantly your want to APPLY what you learn. You have to take it and internalize it so that its who you are and not something that you do. Does that make sense?
I hope you find my response helpful.
The woman who simply plays with you will always find even more tactics to let off her. I personally had a girl who kept telling me I can’t here yet she could here everything. Sometimes she could give to some to pick and then be told she is not around. I thank you so much for these wonderful insights.
“I think there is very valuable information in the ebook, Stop! That’s Crazy-Making! How to Recognize, Respond to & Recover from Passive-Aggressive Behavior & People, which you can find in PDF format at http://www.forrelationshiphelp.com/products-page/ebooks
Almost every guy should read this post since most of them give up once they get tested and don’t want to put in the work. It’s so crazy how counterintuitive dating is once you get behind the steering wheel and take control.
-Hydro
http://whattomessagegirls.com
What women don’t realize is that in the process of testing men they are hurting their chances at being considered for long term relationships.
If a woman cancels on me last minute, starts drama for no reason, insults me to see how I react, that shows me she is disrespectful and selfish. She will be a little princess. Translation : great sex, bad wife. I will put up with her shit for a few weeks then move on to the next.
so when a chic cancels on you last minute what should your reaction be then? NOT: “Hey no worries some other time” OR: “That’s not cool my time is is important I could’ve made other plans. You should’ve told me earlier.” ???
Aaron, if a chick cancels on you last minute, just say OK, react cool as if no big deal (even though it is!). Continue making other plans with her. But, if she keeps cancelling last minute (max 3 times), then move on.