Happiness always sneaks in a door you did not think was open
~ Anonymous

Besides the minority of women who are looking for: a one night stand, friends with benefits, or casual dating – the majority of women are looking for something that will result in a happy long-term relationship. If that’s what you are looking for too, then here is a heads up on what women ultimately look for to determine if you are boyfriend, long-term, marriageable material.

1) She must feel safe and protected around you

There are many levels of safety and protection that a woman can feel and that she needs to feel. On the most basic, level a woman must feel like it is safe to communicate with you and to be in your presence. For example if you meet her walking in the street, at a club, or at a work function, she will want to know whether she is physically safe with you by being in your presence. The key to this is to know what your intentions are and for them to be congruent with what you are projecting in your interactions. For example, if you see an incredibly attractive woman in the street, it’s better to approach her and say something along the lines of, “Excuse me, I was trying to think of an excuse to say hello, but I just couldn’t find one – so hello” rather than walking up to a woman and asking her for the time and then talking about the weather (all in the mean-time being preoccupied of thoughts of how you would really like to sleep with her).

Here is the key thing to understand: when you really get congruent with who you are – you will be able to talk to a woman about anything and say whatever it is that you want, and she can feel attraction for you. This works because women are able to vibe out or sense really quickly what your “presence” is. I can’t tell you how many times my women friends have met a stranger or a colleague and said, “I don’t know what it is about that guy – but he just gives me the creeps”.

The secret is: it wasn’t anything that this guy said; it was EVERYTHING else he was communicating that didn’t involve his words. His presence, his appearance, his behavior, and/or his demeanor.

Women are intuitive, more than they even understand. And, they will intuitively be able to pick up whether it feels safe to be around you, or whether they should get away from you as fast as they can.

Once you are dating a woman, then security and protection can be demonstrated by helping her not only feel physically safe but mentally, emotionally, and spiritually safe as well.

2) She must feel attraction for you and excitement while with you

Yes, I’m talking about physical and sexual attraction for you. They want to feel a physical connection with you. They want to feel like it’s natural to be with you. When they first meet you, they want to feel butterflies in their stomach because they feel an almost tangible chemistry with you. They want to experience excitement while thinking of you, and they want to experience more of that while they are actually spending time with you. What they want is a level of emotional intensity that they just don’t experience with a male friend or with a guy that they are only half interested in. This level of attraction will keep them coming back for more and allow you the time to develop connections that are much deeper. This excitement also keeps the relationship passionate and fun. If they don’t feel that with you, it will be very hard for them to want to spend more time with you or give a relationship shot with you.

3) She must feel like she can be authentic around you

What does this mean? Essentially, a woman wants to feel like YOU are the man that makes her feel the most understood, accepted, special, and loved. Each and every woman has her own unique character, quirks, talents, ways of behaving, and values. Therefore, she wants to be with a man that does the best job of appreciating those things. When describing a partner that they are excited about women say, “I feel like I can be myself around him” and that’s what she wants to experience. She doesn’t want to feel like she always has to be on good behavior around you. She wants to feel like she can show you all the sides to her and that it will be ok to do so. It’s also important that she feels a degree of support from you for some of the things that are really important to her. Just like you want to be liked and appreciated for who you are good or bad. Women also want to experience that with their partner.

4) She must feel that you share some core values and are headed in a similar direction

Now, I’m not saying that every single one of YOUR values has to match hers or vice versa. I’m sure that there will be “some” things that you have different opinions and perspectives on. That adds to the spice of life and the relationship. What I am saying is that there are a few core values that a woman feels must be really aligned for her. What these core values are will be dependent on the actual woman you are dating because different women will value different things. Here are a few common ones in NO particular order that the majority of woman tend to value:

Family: If she wants one, when she wants it, how big or small she wants it to be. How well you get along with her family and how well she gets along with yours. What your views on family life and culture are.

Security: Whether security translates to her into how financially stable you are, how certain she can be that you won’t one day pack up and leave, or that there is a future for the both of you.

Independence: How can she retain her sense of independence while still being part of a relationship? Things like controlling and possessive behavior can become an issue if a woman really values her independence and freedom. Some women do want to find a man that they can also be fully dependent on, as well.

Career: This can often tie in with independence. How important is it to her? How driven is she? What does she want to accomplish out of it? Significance? Security? Freedom? How much time does she want to dedicate to it? How high on her list of priorities is it?

Social: How often does she like to socialize? Is her social life not that important to her, moderately important to her, or really important to her? Do you feel the same? Can you support her regardless? Are you on the same or different levels as her? Conflict can arise if a woman loves her social life and has no intention of slowing down and finds herself with a partner who loves spending downtime at home or vice versa.

Religious View: Are you guys following the same religion? Do you come from conflicting religions? Can you both agree and communicate on how to work this out if you want to be together.

Lifestyle habits: This is the general way that one chooses to go about their daily life. Neat vs. messy. Healthy organic lifestyle vs. city fast-paced lifestyle. Eating habits. Exercise habits. Hobbies, interests, etc.

Realize that just as you value different things, each individual woman will have an internal setting of what her values are and in what priority they are in. You find out what a woman’s values are by noticing not only by what she talks about and says that she is interested in – but how she says them and what she spends her time and attention on. Knowing what a woman’s most important values are is key to building a great and long lasting relationship.

So, how do you navigate through all of this? Make a list of all the things that are important to you. And, when you have a list of these values then put them in order of most important to least important. Also, write 3-5 values of things that are currently NOT on your values list but that you would like to include in the future. Then when you are dating a new woman and also assessing whether this is something that you want you do more long term, then self-assess or ask her what her values are to see how well they match up. Soon enough, it will become obvious if there are going to be some major roadblocks or conflicts in values. Then depending on the results, it’s up to you to decide whether you want to give it a shot or not.

From my own personal experience, if you early on you know that there are certain things that don’t match up but don’t want to look at them and proceed ahead – eventually they come to the surface anyways and you have to deal with them head on. Remember, people will ALWAYS live according to their highest values. It’s nothing personal.

What are your thoughts? Do you agree? Do you have things to add or subtract? What have been some of your experiences with finding long term partners/girlfriends?

I’ve had my say, now it’s your turn.

If some of you are looking for a step-by-step system on how to attract a girlfriend then I highly recommend looking into the “Girlfriend Activation System“. It’s comprehensive and most importantly it works. You can check out a cool video about it <right here>

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