How do I get her to warm up to me?
“Men play the game; women know the score”
~ Roger Woddis
A lot of women today walk around with their guard up when it comes to men. And, this doesn’t help when you want to make a cold approach or get her out on the first date. So, how can you quickly and efficiently break down a woman’s barriers and move her from being icy cold to warm and receptive to you?
First, let’s define what a barrier is. A barrier is anything a woman uses to slow down or prevent you from getting to the next stage with her. That next stage could be: getting her to talk to you, getting her phone number, getting her on that first date, getting her to commit, and so on. They also come in many forms: acting cold and disinterested; engaging in flaky behavior; playing hot and cold; not picking up your calls; making excuses as to why she can’t see you; challenging you; telling you she has a boyfriend; etc.
Now, women don’t always engage with this kind of behavior because they are not interested. A lot of the time this preventative behavior is used as a filtering system for the various approaches they get on a daily basis.
Why do women put up barriers?
There are a number of reasons why women intentionally or unintentionally put up barriers. This includes:
Have a boyfriend and don’t want to give you the wrong impression
Want to see how you respond to it (testing to see what your skills are)
They are uncomfortable with being approached by men
They are scared that they will get hurt and have their running shoes on
Keep in mind that just because a woman puts up a barrier does not MEAN that she is not interested. It just means that it can take her a little time to warm up to you. And, in order for her to do this you have to gain her trust and kick start that attraction process.
When does this show up?
It can show up during ANYTIME that you are dating a woman from the initial stages to when you are already in a long term relationship with her (usually linked to commitment phobia). In this post, I’m going to cover how you can overcome these barriers in the initial dating stages which includes when you first meet a woman and you first start dating her. I will cover the later stages in another post.
Overcoming barriers when you first approach/meet a woman
Generally when women are randomly approach by a stranger, tend to have their guard up. It will be important during this time to gain her trust. This involves limiting any kind of needy, approval seeking, weird behavior that may send alarm bells off. Below are some examples of how you can handle individual situations:
She is a little cold towards you
For example, she may give you one word answers
Counter: “Come on, you know you want to say more than that” or “It’s just one of those days where words don’t come naturally to you, isn’t it?” or ”Look, I know you’re all shy around me but just say what you want to say.”
She has closed body language
For example, she is leaning away from you.
Counter: *smell yourself* and then say, “Was it something I said?” (cheeky tone)
For example, she puts an actual physical barrier between you.
Counter: Mirror her so she knows you are mocking her.
She challenges you
For example she says, “I don’t believe you!”
Counter: “Come on, I’m a random stranger you just met. Why shouldn’t you believe me?”
For example she says, “Oh, is that the best that you have got?”
Counter: “Do you think I would use my best material on you. We only just met!”
She says something that she thinks will put you off
For example she says, “I have a boyfriend.”
Counter: ”We’ve only just met and you are telling me about your problems?”
For example she says, “I’m not staying long”
Counter: “Don’t be thinking that you are going to get an invite back to my place.”
For example she says, “I’m not interested”
Counter: “Well of course not, I haven’t made my pitch yet!”
Things to remember
The most important thing to remember when a woman throws up any kind of barrier is to communicate to her that you KNOW what she is doing. So, you acknowledge and then you proceed regardless.
A woman may also throw up multiple barriers in a row. But each time that you steam roll over them and handle them correctly, the more points you will score.
The most important part during this process is to keep the ball rolling. Meaning each barrier she throws up you counter smoothly, effectively, and easily.
Remember that momentum helps build trust and ATTRACTION!! Eventually she will run out of barriers and be more open, relaxed, and receptive to you. And, then you can proceed with the pursuit from there.
Overcoming barriers when you first start dating a woman
She doesn’t pick up your phone calls
For example, she gave you her number and then doesn’t pick up when you call her.
Counter: Text her, “Cassie, did you forget how to use your phone again? You press the green button when you see me calling.”
She flakes out on date last minute
For example, you organize the date and then an hour before she comes up with a lame excuse as to why she can’t make it.
Counter: “Ok, you’ve used up your 1 tardy allowance, and you don’t get another one till next month. So you are going to need to ration them.”
She keeps delaying a date or meet up
For example, you realize that her grandma has died three times in the last month. (Meaning, she keeps coming up with an overused excuse as to why she can’t meet up with you.)
Counter: “Alright, hit me up with your latest excuse so we can get that out of the way and
get on with our date.”
She teases you
For example, she says that you look dorky.
Counter: “You dig it, right!?”
For example, she says something like, “You remind me of my brother”
Counter: “You flirt with your brother? I didn’t know you were into that kind of thing”
The great thing about being able to breakdown and counter a woman’s barriers is that in the process of doing so, you are “showing” her what your real intentions are. You are communicating that you like her in that sexual/romantic way. In doing so, you steer clear of the friendzone. The key thing to remember during this process is to expect some barriers from women. And, when you can do this, you can anticipate what they may say or do and have the frame of mind on how exactly how to move past it.
I’ve had my say, now it’s your turn.
Hot Alpha Female