How do I get her to warm up to me?
“Men play the game; women know the score”
~ Roger Woddis
A lot of women today walk around with their guard up when it comes to men. And, this doesn’t help when you want to make a cold approach or get her out on the first date. So, how can you quickly and efficiently break down a woman’s barriers and move her from being icy cold to warm and receptive to you?
First, let’s define what a barrier is. A barrier is anything a woman uses to slow down or prevent you from getting to the next stage with her. That next stage could be: getting her to talk to you, getting her phone number, getting her on that first date, getting her to commit, and so on. They also come in many forms: acting cold and disinterested; engaging in flaky behavior; playing hot and cold; not picking up your calls; making excuses as to why she can’t see you; challenging you; telling you she has a boyfriend; etc.
Now, women don’t always engage with this kind of behavior because they are not interested. A lot of the time this preventative behavior is used as a filtering system for the various approaches they get on a daily basis.
Why do women put up barriers?
There are a number of reasons why women intentionally or unintentionally put up barriers. This includes:
Have a boyfriend and don’t want to give you the wrong impression
Want to see how you respond to it (testing to see what your skills are)
They are uncomfortable with being approached by men
They are scared that they will get hurt and have their running shoes on
Keep in mind that just because a woman puts up a barrier does not MEAN that she is not interested. It just means that it can take her a little time to warm up to you. And, in order for her to do this you have to gain her trust and kick start that attraction process.
When does this show up?
It can show up during ANYTIME that you are dating a woman from the initial stages to when you are already in a long term relationship with her (usually linked to commitment phobia). In this post, I’m going to cover how you can overcome these barriers in the initial dating stages which includes when you first meet a woman and you first start dating her. I will cover the later stages in another post.
Overcoming barriers when you first approach/meet a woman
Generally when women are randomly approach by a stranger, tend to have their guard up. It will be important during this time to gain her trust. This involves limiting any kind of needy, approval seeking, weird behavior that may send alarm bells off. Below are some examples of how you can handle individual situations:
She is a little cold towards you
For example, she may give you one word answers
Counter: “Come on, you know you want to say more than that” or “It’s just one of those days where words don’t come naturally to you, isn’t it?” or ”Look, I know you’re all shy around me but just say what you want to say.”
She has closed body language
For example, she is leaning away from you.
Counter: *smell yourself* and then say, “Was it something I said?” (cheeky tone)
For example, she puts an actual physical barrier between you.
Counter: Mirror her so she knows you are mocking her.
She challenges you
For example she says, “I don’t believe you!”
Counter: “Come on, I’m a random stranger you just met. Why shouldn’t you believe me?”
For example she says, “Oh, is that the best that you have got?”
Counter: “Do you think I would use my best material on you. We only just met!”
She says something that she thinks will put you off
For example she says, “I have a boyfriend.”
Counter: ”We’ve only just met and you are telling me about your problems?”
For example she says, “I’m not staying long”
Counter: “Don’t be thinking that you are going to get an invite back to my place.”
For example she says, “I’m not interested”
Counter: “Well of course not, I haven’t made my pitch yet!”
Things to remember
The most important thing to remember when a woman throws up any kind of barrier is to communicate to her that you KNOW what she is doing. So, you acknowledge and then you proceed regardless.
A woman may also throw up multiple barriers in a row. But each time that you steam roll over them and handle them correctly, the more points you will score.
The most important part during this process is to keep the ball rolling. Meaning each barrier she throws up you counter smoothly, effectively, and easily.
Remember that momentum helps build trust and ATTRACTION!! Eventually she will run out of barriers and be more open, relaxed, and receptive to you. And, then you can proceed with the pursuit from there.
Overcoming barriers when you first start dating a woman
She doesn’t pick up your phone calls
For example, she gave you her number and then doesn’t pick up when you call her.
Counter: Text her, “Cassie, did you forget how to use your phone again? You press the green button when you see me calling.”
She flakes out on date last minute
For example, you organize the date and then an hour before she comes up with a lame excuse as to why she can’t make it.
Counter: “Ok, you’ve used up your 1 tardy allowance, and you don’t get another one till next month. So you are going to need to ration them.”
She keeps delaying a date or meet up
For example, you realize that her grandma has died three times in the last month. (Meaning, she keeps coming up with an overused excuse as to why she can’t meet up with you.)
Counter: “Alright, hit me up with your latest excuse so we can get that out of the way and
get on with our date.”
She teases you
For example, she says that you look dorky.
Counter: “You dig it, right!?”
For example, she says something like, “You remind me of my brother”
Counter: “You flirt with your brother? I didn’t know you were into that kind of thing”
The great thing about being able to breakdown and counter a woman’s barriers is that in the process of doing so, you are “showing” her what your real intentions are. You are communicating that you like her in that sexual/romantic way. In doing so, you steer clear of the friendzone. The key thing to remember during this process is to expect some barriers from women. And, when you can do this, you can anticipate what they may say or do and have the frame of mind on how exactly how to move past it.
I’ve had my say, now it’s your turn.
Hot Alpha Female
You are an inspiring women.
Thank you
First off, I want to address the line to use when she says the classic “I have a boyfriend.”
The line Jennifer put out is a good one. I myself use one of two; When a woman tells me she has a boyfriend, I go with either “I’m not looking for a job” or ‘He couldn’t find a real job?” Both work great.
Next, I want to touch on the bit where Jennifer discusses overcoming barriers when you first start dating a woman.
Now her methods are okay, all solid, classic lines. But here is the problem with that: What’s next? You see, if a female is not picking up your phone calls, is flaking on you, finding ways out of meeting up with you, or teasing you, it can be a signal that you bore her spitless.
Listen, a lot of pua’s will tell you its all just a shit test and you have to pass the shit test. But sometimes, hell, a lot of times she is telling you in her passive aggressive, and utterly disrespectful way, that you just don’t measure and and your punk ass needs to move on.
What I’m saying here is that you have to be man enough and mack enough to spit the kind of game that puts a woman in a state of mesmerism. You have to be able to keep her spellbound. You have to make it so that every thought of you makes her heart race. You have to make it so that when you say, “Call me at 7, sharp, your cell blows up at 6:50 because she is terrified of being a minute late calling.
You have to be able to set her on fire so that when you have a date planned she runs, not walks but runs so you can put out the flames. But if you game is lame, she has already moved on and all the cool little canned lines on Earth won’t save you or get you out of the friend zone. That’s gospel truth.
Plus, like I said, after the canned, prepared line…then what? You gotta follow that shit up but if you’re using canned lines, the magic fades quick, because a female, once you get her excited, immediately wants more and wants to know what’s next. And you’re standing there, baffled, dazed and confused and blaming Jennifer because, you thought she said that line was the magic bullet you were looking for.
Well, that’s not what she said and that’s not what she meant but I can already hear you chumps writing the game she gave you to spit down on the palms of your hands, ready to use it without having done the necessary work to follow it up. And you WILL have to follow up.
I know this because I started out with that pua shit myself and I would use some cool line and when she went from thinking of nawing off a limb to escape me to leaning into me, giggling and excited and wanting more, you know what happened? I. Had. Nothing. Because didn’t nobody tell me that you gotta have real mack skills and be able to follow through with more sweet alpha goodness. And I crashed flat on my face.
But I lived and learned and now my game is a tight as the bark on a tree. I’m not saying that I don’t fall off now and again, but I am saying I don’t ever get punked off anymore.
So while you want to use what Jennifer shared above, recognize it as a little something to get your started and not a magical spell that will get you laid at will. Its not and it won’t.
Jason are you retarded?
She’s not saying to USE those lines like a PUA, she’s using examples on how to diffuse tests.
If you passed first grade, you would’be understood that what she is trying to say is, make the situation light humored WHILE keeping the indication of your interest in her.
@wtf Am I retarded? Hmmm….I don’t think so. Hold on, let me wake your mother up and ask her.
I am well aware of what Jennifer was saying. If you had bothered to read my entire post, you’d have seen me mention that it wasn’t what she said or meant. I did manage to pass first grade, but its pretty clear you got held back.
And while she wasn’t saying use it in a pua like manner, canned lines are a pua….”technique” I suppose you can say. And I know how the type of afc’s and rafc’s Jennifer is catering to because I was there myself once. And there is this habit, when you first enter the game, to look for a “magic bullet” something that will solve all your problems with a word or a glance.
Now my point was that those READING the blog post, would think she meant these lines were magic bullets that would get them all the blowjobs a guy could want. They are not. Because I am telling you now, two thirds of the guys who read this article ran out to give it a shot and 99% of them got owned. I gaurantee you that.
And WTF? Two bits of advice: One, next time you want to disagree, make sure you actually read what was written by the person you want to argue with. And two, when you bring it, do so in a civilized manner. Calling me a retard was completley unnecessary. Now you and the rest of the world know how your mother learned to swallow bananas whole.
I agree with the sending mixed signals. It doesn’t work and shows that you really don’t have a definite goal or plan. Before I approach I make sure I am grounded. I know why I am there and what I am doing. Why am I there? Because I’m the prize. I might joke around, but I’m not here the play games. If she is seeing how much shit I will put up with I just excuse myself. I’m not looking for that type of girl. I set time constraints and say it was nice to meet her, then I move on. Women will pick up on a strong man. They are intuitive. I know what I looking for an if I feel she is closed off or shut down I may try to open her up but there are way too many friendly targets to waste time on one that is not. I’m cocky funny naturally and this works for me. But have have no problem being open, strong and vulnerable with a women. I’ll ask deep heart centered questions that bring about an emotional response. I want to connect with her heart not her head. I will walk away from it all and not blink twice. Turn it around on them. Start disqualifying them and they will think that you are different and sometimes different is attractive.
The best way to get through to a woman surrounded by walls of barriers is to break it down with the strength of sensitivity. Remember, women are emotional and sensitive. A little consideration, kindness and patience will break down any woman’s barrier no matter how hard barrier is or how longs it has been there.
I totally agree with you. Great post! Women are 10 times brighter than men, if a woman really loves you it will just take minutes when she is just into you. Those that create barriers they are either trying to clear their image somewhere or they simply don’t like you.
“I think there is very valuable information in the ebook, Stop! That’s Crazy-Making! How to Recognize, Respond to & Recover from Passive-Aggressive Behavior & People, which you can find in PDF format at http://www.forrelationshiphelp.com/products-page/ebooks
first off i literally laughed my ass off at all the couter responses so thanks jen and i just thought i’d throw this question around……is there a middle ground when it comes to shit tests? every now an then i feel like i didnt pass a shit test or fail it i just got stuck in the middle if that makes any sense
oh and forgot way to go jason i didnt think there was anyone on the planet that could rip into someone as good as i can damn dude that was cold