What You Need To Know Before You Date Younger Women
There is no doubt that the appeal of dating younger women is clearly obvious. Whether it be their incredible physical form; vibrant and spontaneous nature; or hope and enthusiasm they hold for dating, love, and life. However, there are some things to keep in mind about younger women and what they are going through this time period in their lives. Knowing what these are can help you develop and maintain attraction; anticipate their needs; and minimize drama and shit testing.
Shaping their identity and finding their place in the world
Women in the 18-24 age range are fresh out of home or college and ready to hit the big bad world until they realize that they have absolutely no idea about what goes on it in.
Finally, the veil of protection given by their parents and various educational institutions starts to lift, and they are left to their own devices to craft a life that they feel suits them and that they can gladly call their own.
As part of this transitional identity forming stage of their lives comes a highly idealistic perception backed with high expectations of what they think and feel life should be about. Ironically, some of these expectations about dating, love, and life are crafted from unreliable sources like: romantic comedies, travel brochures, or sitcoms aimed at selling them a dream that few can actually accomplish, or that many will eventually find unfulfiling. This is a time for experimentation, exploration, searching, and hope. For many young women, this is a time to: feel free, party, embrace the world full tilt, and spend time finding out what it is they actually like or feel is important in their lives. What a wonderful time it is to be with a woman in this period of her life. She can act spontaneous; eagerly try new things; and feel truly optimistic about the happiness and joy that love can bring her. Whether her goals are to settle down with the right man, charge ahead with her career, or travel the world – her enthusiasm for these things will be captivating to any man.
But like with everything, there are always two sides of the story. Along with her fantasy of fulfilling the image of her ideal life and shaping her identity, there will be times of great uncertainty for her. What if she doesn’t like her new identity? What if she starts to miss the comfort and security that she found from her parents or from being at school? What if her new identity conflicts with some old beliefs? There may be times when she feels torn between what she really wants and what she thinks she wants (or has been brought up to believe she wants). This to and fro can cause a flux in her emotional state.
She could be happy and excited one minute about her dreams, and then scared and confused the next. She could also feel this fickleness when it comes to how she feels about you or the relationship.
This is why sometimes younger women can be very hot and cold. One minute it seems they are really into you and the next time it seems like she flipped a switch. Realize that when she does this it’s not a personal attack. And, all she may need during this time is a kind word, a steady hand to hold, and a place of comfort – so that in time she can regain her foot holding (and she will).
One perfectly funny and enlightening example of how this conflict can play out in shaping a young woman’s identity was in a scene in the movie “Tangled” which is a modern tale of Rapunzel. It is just after Rapunzel has escaped her tower and is out with the prince to pursue her one and only dream of seeing the floating lanterns – which are kind of … well, far far away. One minute she is ecstatic, happy, joyous, and excited, running around the place and enjoying her freedom – and then the next she is face down on the grass crying her eyes out. She was conflicted. On one hand, she wanted make her one and only dream happen. And, on the other hand, she knew she was directly defying her mother. The prince witnessing all of this chaos finally says to her in a casual tone, “You know, I can’t help but notice you seem to have a little at war with yourself”. You can watch the scene for yourself below.
The attention deficit/surplus disorder
Younger women have been known for two contradictory things when it comes to wanting attention. The first is that “you must make it obvious that you are interested in them” to get her attention and the other is that “you must make HER work really hard for yours” – meaning you leave her crumbs and she will follow the trail to you. So which one really works? Funnily enough, both of these elements are true.
The best way to counter this is to be flexibly persistence in your approach, while making it very clear what your intentions are. It’s also important to not let her fickleness sway you. Her doubts should not lead you to become more doubtful.
She does not need another fickle person in her life. She already has enough of them. What she needs and craves is someone who can act consistent, feel emotionally steady, and provide a little bit of guidance along this journey. Sure, she would like to have fun with you, but if she is ready, more than likely she would like to develop something a little deeper, too.
During the initial stages of meeting her, it’s important to have non sexual interactions, which help build her trust and curiosity. This way, if you are an older man, she will not get the “seedy old man” feeling around you, but feel an innate sense of trust and safety around you, which will be the building block for attraction. Once this is established, it is important to also communicate sexual interest before she categorizes you into the friend zone.
An important thing to note about women is that they like to be able to categorize the relationships they have with men.
They like to know whether you are a friend, a friend with benefits, a potential boyfriend, a boyfriend, husband material, or husband. These categories help them feel more secure about the relationship dynamic. It’s comforting to a woman when she can speak to other parties, and confidently and clearly say, “this is my xyz”. This provides her with a sense of security and social validation that can be especially important to her at this time in her life.
Now, once you are in an exclusive relationship with this younger woman, you may find that the fickle attention she appeared to be happy with at the beginning is now unsatisfying to her. Instead, she now demands attention on a regular basis. This is often where men can go wrong.
They think, “To get her attention I had to apply flexible persistence and be on my game just so she would reply my text message! And, now she complains that I don’t give her enough attention!”
This is often what I refer to the game change that needs to take place when you move from “dating women” to “dating a woman” and beyond. What you may have done to get her attention in the first place may not be what you need to get her attention in the future. When a woman is first getting to know you, she may appear to be a little fickle in the way she feels about you. That is because she doesn’t know if she trusts you yet, it may be because she is a little guarded and unsure if you are a good man to open her heart up to. Once you have established trust and she has taken on board your leadership, she will want to open up more to you without too many games or minimal “hard to get” behavior. And as part of that, she expects you to open up more and to show more attention and love.
Most men think that by showing a woman how they feel, it will somehow ruin everything. What ruins this is actually hesitancy on the man’s part.
If you are unsure, she will be unsure. She will look to you for leadership. So, if you are uncertain in expressing your emotions, she most likely will follow suit. Therefore, remember once you are past those initial dating stages with younger women, be a little ballsy in showing how much you really care.
As always I would love to hear your thoughts. What have your experiences been with younger women? Are there some things that still confuse you about dating them? Let me know!
Hot Alpha Female