How to get that special girl interested in you …
“A pedestal is as much a prison as any small, confined space.”
~ Gloria Steinem
Now, if this was a “pick up” blog I would be saying, “Why have one girl when you can have 10?” And, then proceed to tell you all the benefits of what having 10 girlfriends would be. But for anyone who has actually had more than ONE girlfriend at a time, the reality is it creates more problems than it does benefits. But that is besides the point, because the point is that the majority of you are looking to get the interest of ONE particular woman.
So, here is the best way in which you can attract that one woman into your life. First, it’s your (good old) mindset. It’s your attitude and your inner game. Now, I know this is the boring answer and I know that some of you just wished for once I would say, “Here is this bright shiny blue pill and if you just take it, the girl of your dreams will be in your arms and you will live happily ever after”. But as you know, life let alone dating women is not like that – AT ALL.
So, yes, it’s all about your mindset baby! In fact, there are complete programs out there that ONLY focus on helping you develop the mindset to attract and keep a woman in your life. And, if it’s good enough for them, then it’s good enough for you. So let’s get to it!
You know what makes a fantasy so appealing? The fact that it’s a fantasy! And, usually the basis of any fantasy is intense focus on only ONE SIDE of the equation. And, as you know life is always working in balance. So, it’s not that the balance doesn’t exist, it’s just that the fantasy prevents you from seeing the other side. If you could see what you want from a balanced perspective, then you would take the fantasy off it’s pedestal and more than likely set a realistic plan to accomplish your goals which YOU BELIEVED was possible.
Which brings me to this idea:
Most of you guys say that you want to get that one special girl, but MOST of you don’t believe that you really can get her.
Some of you don’t believe you are worthy to get a girl like that. Some of you think that you are going to need to work extra hard and be super perfect to attract a girl like that into your life and to keep her there. What is that like?
It’s like having driving a car and having the brake and the accelerator jammed on at the same time. Something is happening, but there is a lot of resistance in getting where you want to go. In essence, some of you may be spinning your wheels. Wanting something that think you want, but not believing you can have it.
And, this is the golden rule in life. To get what you really want, you first have to believe that you can have it. If you want the woman then every fiber of your being has to believe that you can have her. This is different from a desiring of her and is to do more with believing you are worthy of her.
So, let’s get onto dissolving this fantasy shall we? So, here it is:
That fulfillment, happiness, satisfaction, or accomplishment you THINK a woman will give you – does not exist.
There, I said it.
I can guarantee you that although having a woman in your life may feel really good, having her does and WILL NOT EQUAL happiness. And, if she finds out she is the reason for your happiness, she might feel good, but she also might feel intense pressure of what it’s like to be 100% accountable for someone else’s happiness.
See, women like men who are happy because they have fulfilling lives that are independent of women.
Dissolving the fantasy about happiness …
So your first course of action is asking yourself the question: What things in my life make me completely happy and fulfilled that are independent of that special woman being in my life?
And, here is what you do next:
1. Have at least 3 activities you like to do that make you happy without women. This could be a TV show you like, a hobbies, and a career. OR maybe it is doing volunteer work, repairing your car, and caring for your garden. OR maybe it is exercising, watching a certain type of movies, and playing in a band. Whatever those things are, find 3 or more!
2. Remember that YOU create your happiness. It is nice to have a girlfriend, but ultimately your happiness and meaning for your life needs to be independent of women.
3. Create connections and deep friendships which give you that emotional support that you crave. Yes, it’s good to have a woman that you can share your most intimate feelings with, who is your own personal cheerleader – and having a good social network of friends or family who can provide that support for you as much as possible will also help fill that void.
You see when you feel like nothing is missing and that your life is complete – that is the time when you are most likely going to attract or maintain attraction with a woman in your life. A woman wants to be A PART of your life, not your sole existence for living it.
Dissolving a fantasy about her …
Now, here is how you can dissolve the possible fantasy you have of her.
Ask yourself the question: Do you really like her (for who she is), or the person that you just THINK she is?
Whether this is a girl you have a crush on at work/gym or a girl you have a crush on who you feel like you know and like … please, please, please, keep this in mind …
First, ask yourself what you REALLY know about her. Maybe you like her smile, but does that mean she smiles all the time? I can promise you every woman I know can be a handful sometimes. They can all be a pain in the A*S to deal with sometimes. That smile you see on her face, no matter how sincere it is, is NOT always there.
So, remember that she is a real person with insecurities, hang ups, problems, and flaws. And when she gets the flu, she probably has snot dripping out her nose and coughs like a horse.
Not really sexy to think of the reality, eh? But that is the reality and I am telling you this because she is a person rather than a goddess on a pedestal. Get those fantasies out of your head about how wonderful she is AND then you can act more attractive around her. The you can work on being your most authentic self instead of some perfect version of yourself that you think she will like.
Dissolving a fantasy about being in a relationship …
And, here is another thing to remember: the relationship is just the start.
Just because you end up dating her doesn’t mean it will be easy. I mean when you think about your fantasies about dating her, talking with her, sleeping with her – are you thinking about the fact that she probably does things that are irritating?
You know how much I talk about how difficult women can be at times. They have their emotional sh*t fits. And, guess what women are human, too. They have their insecurities, they have their moods, and yes some of them even fart in their sleep (totally sexy right?).
Why am I telling you this? Only to ensure that if you are putting her on a pedestal that you start to take her off that. Because in putting a woman on a pedestal you are potentially negating the great things you have to offer. And, if she is on a pedestal then a part of you may never feel like her equal and that can be devastating in the attraction game.
So, what’s my point?
Only that you need to get out of your daydreams and into grounded into your body and your life.
When you can come from a place of balanced perspective and true self worth you won’t have to chase women down, you will be able to draw them into your life by being an attractive man and having an attractive life.
I’ve had my say, what are your thoughts? Do you have a fantasy about happiness, relationships, or women?
Hot Alpha Female