Why You DON’T Need A Girlfriend …
“The whole point of being alive is to evolve into
the complete person you were intended to be.”
~ Oprah Winfrey
Some of you might be thinking, “Ummmmm, that’s the only reason why I’m here” (hey, I had to use something to grab your attention didn’t I?) Before, I go on to explain why you don’t need a girlfriend, let me share some research I was reading the other day.
Apparently, a researcher concluded that when a wife dies, the husband is likely to follow soon there after. Yet if the husband dies, the wife is likely to live on.
Talk about being completely unfair! So, why does this happen? Well, another research project concluded that men and women tend to have different quality of relationships.
Meaning, women tend to have multiple emotionally intimate relationships – so, they will confide in their husband, their friend, their cousin, the guy next door etc. Whereas men tend to emotionally rely on their wife for emotional intimacy – and only confide in their wife for the most part.
Talk about emotional fidelity.
So in lay man’s terms what does this mean? Your girlfriend, partner, wife has more emotional outlets which she can express her feelings and share her thoughts, whereas men usually rely on their intimate partner to confide in.
Alright, so getting back to why you don’t need a girlfriend. I get a lot of emails from you guys telling me all the reasons why you NEED a girlfriend. While there is a lot that you share with me, essentially it comes back down to “wanting someone to share your happiness with” or “thinking that a woman is what will finally make you feel happy, and not so alone”.
From my understanding of psychology and human needs this is very normal. Each of us wants to feel like there is at least a person or a group of close friends who we feel understand us and accept us for who we are and not who we are pretending to be.
Most of you assume that a girlfriend is the only way to experience that intimate visible connection with someone. So what am I suggesting? That you might want a girlfriend because of a pressure to have a woman to confide in and lean on and talk with.
And, while yes this important and a good thing to have, the more you “think” that it will fill a “hole” or a “void” that is in your life – the further you will end up pushing it away!
This is the classic topic that I talk about with my girlfriends. The ones that are still single are the ones that feel like they are missing something in their lives (that only a man/partner/boyfriend/husband could provide) Yet, the girls that are just out there enjoying their single life, doing the things that they love, fully engaging it are either actively dating or getting into long term relationships.
Now, I’m not saying that you all need to get out there and get a life (or maybe I am). But it’s my assumption that a lot of you DO have a life going on and most of your ARE busy. So, what is the missing component then?
I would suggest in the lag time when you are waiting to attract the right woman into your life that you also help cultivate, enrich, and build more intimate relationships with friends around you. Male or female.
Do you have a brother or sister you can talk with? What about a parent? Cousin? Friend? See, if you have other people you can confide in – that might help you come across as more self-assured, less needy, and more independent.
Now I know men don’t sit around and talk about their feelings usually. What I am suggesting is that you consider slowly talking about more and more personal things with your other friends. I need to caution you. You might notice some men you open up to gradually might think you are acting weird. You might even lose some friends. But if you are committed to increasing the strength of your relationships, then the friends who don’t want that will fall away.
What is likely to happen is that new friendships will likely come in to fill the place of others. Friends who are more likely to be open to your new process. What I’m talking about here is building REAL solid friendships and connections with people. You will KNOW when you have a real connection with someone. A lot of the times we have people in our lives who we “call friends” but really use up our time, energy, money, and don’t really give much back. It’s important to reduce the time with these people and increase the time with people who you feel you can be more of yourself with; people who inspire you; people who hold you to a higher standard; people who will not be jealous of your success or happiness; people who you can show yourself to and that accept and encourage that.
I know guys like to get together and do things rather than talk. Ok, guys talk, but I don’t know how much they truly open up to each other. Women do it among themselves when they get together. They talk about their personal problem, relationship problems, health problems, etc. Men, if they do talk about such things, it is often short and solution focused. Whereas women will be less solution focused and more focused on how things felt or in what way the relationships changed from the problems.
Now I am not suggesting that you get together with all your guy friends and go on monologues about how you feel about things. But gradually open up, like this, “Hey, I was having a problem with a woman I was dating. She started an argument when we were out last night about eating veal. I don’t know what that was about because there wasn’t even veal on the menu. I felt kind of stupid because I didn’t know what to say. What do you think about this?”
That might be a type of topic you could bring up to a friend. You could perhaps then ask your friend if he ever had something like this to happen to them, what they did, how they handled it, etc. In other words, you are getting more personal with them. This build emotional intimacy and closeness.
Like I said, some people may not feel comfortable with these more personable conversations because it is not what men usually do. But if you want more substantial friendships, you might want to consider this approach to build more emotionally close friendships with the men and women in your life.
So, by doing this, you can gain emotional strength by receiving emotional support from multiple people in your life. By doing so, you can begin to feel stronger and less needy of a woman to confide in. And, this my friend, is the reason why don’t need a girlfriend. Because in “not needing” a girlfriend (and having a full life with rich intimate relationships) you will be more able to attract the right woman into your life and fully appreciate her.
I’ve had my say, now it’s your turn!
Hot Alpha Female