Getting To The Next Level …
“Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.”
~ Theodore Roosevelt
You like this girl. Maybe she is a friend. Maybe she is someone you’ve already taken on a first date. Maybe she is someone who walked past you at college or at work and you already feel like you want her and you want her now. But here is the dilemma. You don’t know how to get her to the next stage. In the pick up community they call this escalating. Moving from one point to another in a forward direction. For example, from an approach to a number; from a conversation on the phone to a date; from a date to the bedroom; and so on. And, it’s during this process that can be really hard. Sometimes you don’t know where the next step is. Sometimes you don’t know if you can move forward (because some of you are scared of). Sometimes it’s because you are experiencing resistance and you don’t know what to do about it.
So here is an action plan for those of you that are in this position or have ever found yourself in this position in the past and exactly how to get out of it.
Evaluate what situation is in front of you.
Sometimes, when we are so focused on a goal and getting there you can lose sight of why you wanted it in the first place. For instance, maybe you had a goal of meeting this woman – because you think that having her in your life would make you are much happier person. Yet in the process of trying to get her into your life you are making yourself miserable. So, I ask you, “What is the point?” Part of evaluating the situation in front of you allows you to gain some perspective. It allows you to sit back and assess the situations. Sometimes having multiple opinions and perspectives can help with this process. Doing this will help you regain control over your emotions and consciously help you decide in which direction you would like to go.
Action: Instead of being caught up in a situation that you are unsure how to solve – stop, breathe (take a few deep breaths), get some perspective, think about what you really want, and take a break. Go and meditate. Go play your favorite sport. Sit down and read. Go for a drive. Get back to something that feels real to you and allow it to ground you and help you get back in touch with what is really important. Whatever you do. Don’t panic. Don’t freak out. Don’t do something stupid. Allow for a little time and space to process some things.
Decide what you want
When you are sitting on the fence about something it can be really hard to take action. Most of the emails that I get from guys are based on the fact that they want to get the girl but don’t want to take any risks on getting to that point. They want to ask her out on a date without possibly getting rejected. They want to kiss her without the possibility of her slapping them in the face and walking away. They want guarantees in their dating and relating lives. Well, the truth is that there are NO guarantees, especially when it comes to dating and love. That is what makes it special in so many ways. It can break your heart and it can make you feel ecstasy – sometimes all in one go.
The first and most important thing is to accept this truth and comes to terms with it. Because how boring would love be, if love was so easy? Like with anything that you want really badly in life there will be challenges that come along the way. It’s up to you to decide whether you are prepared to face them all. It takes courage. And, part of being a mature individual is knowing which challenges to take on board, and which ones you should stand down from and battle another day.
Action: Whatever your decision is – MAKE ONE. Don’t be sitting on the fence. If you want a woman, then make the decision that you will do everything in your power to get her. Understand what you are prepared to give and what you are not. Know what your boundaries are. The most important thing is that you know what you want and are prepared to do what it takes to get it. And, as part of this it may require you to be flexible, to think outside the square, to get back up again when you don’t feel like it. Whether it’s the pursue this woman, or to not pursue her – get out of limbo land and make that decision.
Get a game plan
This is my favorite part. For this purpose let’s assume that you do want to pursue this woman. There are a couple of things you could focus on:
First – Push her off the fence. Here is the thing, fence sitting never did anyone any favors. And, by letting her sit on the fence about you – you are letting her have her cake and eat it too. Say she has a guy she is dating on and off. And, you are her good friend who she comes running back to every time this other guy does something nasty to her, like stand her up or disrespects her. You don’t deserve to be the fall back guy. If you want to be her man, then you need to start acting like it. And, a big part of that comes with respecting yourself. So, when I say you need to push her off the fence I mean you need to show her exactly what you want and lead her to a decision.
You have to show her (notice I didn’t say tell her) that you will no longer be the fall back guy. If she wants love and attention from you then it’s not going to be on a friendship level. It’s going to be on an intimate one on one level. And, you get her off the fence to make a decision about you not by sitting down with her and having a conversation with her. Not by spilling all your guts about how much you care about her. But by showing her that you are the best suitable guy for her. You do this by imposing some boundaries on her (i.e. you are not at her beacon fall every 5 minutes), consciously creating the kind of interactions with her (i.e. start taking her on dates, creating more sexual tension, amping up the banter), consciously leading the interactions with her (i.e. by deciding what mood/tone you want the conversation to go in and guiding her gently back to this) and so on.
Second – Read her actions and not her words. I recently created a video about how you need to distinguish what a woman actually means through her actions rather than her words. Therefore, when a woman is sending conflicting messages like being flirty around you, kissing you, making herself available for time with you yet saying things like “I’m not ready to date right now”; “I don’t know what I want in a guy”; “I need to get all my life together before I can think about anything else” then you trust her actions as the truth and not her words.
I have heard numerous stories of women who said these very same things to men who are in relationships with the very same men they said these things to. Sometimes these lines are the last form of resistance before a woman surrenders to you. Also keep in mind that some women will just be plain out using you for attention whenever they feel like. I know it sounds horrible and it is. Some women NEED and CRAVE attention and they will do anything to get it. That includes stringing men along. A good test of this will be when you drawn stronger boundaries with her (limiting the time you spend with her or how often you are available to her) and seeing how she responds to that.
Third – Work on your guy instinct. Now everyone can have a guy feeling about something. Although women are usually associated as being more intuitive and following their feelings to get to a decision; a lot of wealthy and successful business men base a lot of their decisions on gut feelings. Donald trump and Richard Branson to name a few. And, if it’s good enough for them then it’s good enough for you. Now, I know as men a lot of you can be extremely logical. And, this can make it hard for you to get in touch with that. A good way in which you can get started with this is to take a step back from your current situation. You can get different perspectives by asking things like: How would I feel about this decision in 50 years time? Would it really matter? What would a friend say if they new my situation. It also helps to ask yourself the question: what do I really feel about this? And, writing down what comes to mind no matter how illogical it may seem at the time.
Fourth – Focus on positive outcomes rather than negative ones. Now, I know this one sounds simple. And, it used to irritate the heck out of me when I used to hear people rant on about being positive and so on. Here is the distinction I made which helped me really apply this in my life. The missing link that before you can feel positive about a situation you have to accept it. You have to accept the situation in front of you. You have to be aware of what your expectations were and how they differ from the situation in front of you. And, you have to be ok with that. Guess what? Life is challenging. Sometimes you don’t get what you want. But you always have a chance to try again. To try something new and different. So first, accept what situation is in front of you. The next step to getting more positive is to be grateful. What did this past, current, or possible future outcome teach you? What can you learn from it? How can you avoid the same mistake in the future? What can you do differently now? There is no point in beating yourself up for things you have done wrong in the past. This is a new day and you have an opportunity to create a different outcome today. This way instead of imagining on all the horrible things that went wrong or could go wrong you can focus on what outcome you would like to accomplish. You can practice feeling confident. You can practice being more proactive. And, most importantly you can be kinder to yourself and the people around you.
So this is my 4 step action plan. I truly believe that no matter where any of you are right now, you can have what you want and you can attract a good quality and beautiful woman into your life.
So, get to it! I’ve had my say, now it’s your turn!
Hot Alpha Female