The Difference Between Real and Fake Indifference
A big part of what I talk about revolves around this idea of indifference. Now, this can be quite tricky to apply if you don’t understand the basic premise behind it. I often see and observe men who have read a pick up book or have seen a cool 5 minute video on youtube and want to try out this whole “Act like I’m disinterested even though I really am”. And, usually it backfires in their face leaving the girl irritated, confused, and thinking “What is with that dude?” Heck, I’ve even seen my own brother try to do it with his current girlfriend, and I just shake my head and say to him, “She’ll see straight through it”. And, guess what? She usually does.
So, what is it about faking indifference that can go so terribly wrong?
The very fact that it’s blaring obvious when you are doing it. And, when a woman see’s that you are faking an emotion that you are not really feeling – she wonders about your intentions (especially if you are doing this as a first impression) and/or your approval seeking nature (as to why you think doing one thing will impress her instead of being real). And, if she isn’t that clued in, she will just get a weird vibe off you and not want to spend anymore time talking with you or being in your presence.
The only time indifference is attractive and reassuring to a woman is ONLY when it’s real.
Yes, I know that was the most obvious statement of the century. But it’s true! Being indifferent is one of those things where “fake it till you make it” just doesn’t apply. The only way to change is to get in touch with your truest feelings in that moment and let them pass through you, rather than reacting or believing everything that they are making you feel. The only way to change is to get as real as you can be. Plus, when your faking it all the time, eventually you will get found out. Eventually, things you hide in the closet spill out onto the floor (in the most inconvenient time and embarrassing way). So, if you want to be able to attract women in an authentic way, in the most natural way – you need to stop faking it.
Because when a woman experiences you faking it, it’s as devastating as finding out that a woman has been faking her orgasms with YOU. Totally crushing and completely unnecessary.
So, how do you learn to become indifferent? Well, first let’s talk about what it means to be indifferent. Does it mean that you just don’t care about what just happened? Maybe. Does it mean you hold in your real emotion and give a stone cold expression on the outside. Not exactly.
Indifference is linked very strongly with presence. When you are grounded in your body, you can viscerally feel your emotions, reactions, compulsions come through you.
All indifference consists of is the ability to let all those things pass through you rather than letting it control you.
It’s the difference from “letting something go” and “letting something be”. You see, letting something go implies that “you” are the bigger person for letting this person, issue, or situation go. But, there is an implied urgency that you need to get over it now. Because this is what you may not be feeling in the moment, it can create conflict and resistance. When you let the words “let it be” swish around in your mouth or float around in your mind, you will find that it has a much gentler and sweeter taste. It means you don’t have to let it go, and you don’t have to force yourself to do anything you don’t want to. Instead, you can simply just sit and accept what is currently in front of you. When you let things be, the decision to do so is in your hands. You have full control to accept what is in front of you and the power to choose what you will do next.
When you can come from a place of let it be – then that gives you the space to process. That gives you the room you need to breathe a little and get some perspective in the moment. Now, I’m not saying that you need to do this every time or that you will have the strength to every time – but anytime you can do this will be a dramatic improvement. When you can come from this place: indifference is infinitely easier.
When you experiment with this and begin to master this skill you will be able to access your personal internal powerhouse equip for challenging situations. Whether it be a rude comment that a woman makes to you while talking; a jealous feeling that begins to well inside you when your girlfriend/partner is telling you about a colleague or male friend she had lunch with; or when you are mustering up the courage to approach a woman.
It’s a subtle difference which could make all the difference in the world.
I’ve had my say, now it’s your turn.
Hot Alpha Female