Commitment: How To Get Her To Commit (Part 2)
Alright, so you have got this awesome chick and things seem to appear to be going well. Just one small problem. You can’t get her to the next stage – whatever that may be. Maybe you can’t get her to commit to the next date. Maybe you can’t get her to commit to be in an exclusive relationship with you. Maybe you can’t get her to marry you. Whatever stage it is – I understand it sucks. And, it can be incredibly frustrating. It’s for this reason this stage needs to be handled with a certain finesse. Why? Because now you have gotten to know her a little it; so if she rejects you it’s going to be feel personal. So, why won’t a woman commit in the different stages? And, what can you do about it?
Reason # 1: She’s not ready to commit.
Timing in any phase of dating is a big issue. Not only do you have to meet the right person, but you have to meet the right person at the right time. I can tell you right now majority of women in their early to mid 20′s are a bit more free spirited. They want to explore life, find out who they are, really get stuck into building their career, and experiment with life a little. They also have a lot more choice of available men who want to date them. So, trying to tie them down too soon, could send off alarm bells. Women in their late 20′s to their mid 30′s are more looking to settle down. They may have already established their career, feel more settled with their life, and therefore want marriage and to start a family. Women in their late 30′s to late 40′s may have gone through a first marriage or long term relationship and can be quite hesitant to jump back into a relationship. They want a real test of YOUR commitment and really need to feel (who you are as a man) before they are willing to open their hearts back up again. In short, the main challenges you will deal with younger women are certain insecurities they have about their abilities and sense of self. With older women the challenges involve being able to trust you and outbursts which may be tied to bad past experiences.
Action: Identify which stage your partner is at. The stages that women are going through are not always directly related to their age. You will find more mature younger women and more immature older women, too. So, it’s about making an individual assessment for your specific partner while using these stages as a guideline. Take a step back and see where your partner is at with her career. Ask questions about what she plans to do in the next 5 years. Find out what her immediate goals or objectives are in regards to her life. This will give you a good basis to figure out where she is at. From there also have an understanding of what stage of life you are at and what you want to accomplish in the next 5 years – and see if their is a match.
Reason # 2: She’s scared of commitment.
A lot of women who make a point to say how “great” single life is, with a little too much enthusiasm – can sometimes be a pointer towards the fact that at this point in time they believe they “don’t need a man”. Now, there have been many stages in my life where I have been single and it is a great time. But there is a difference between being single with a closed heart and being single with an open one. Usually the women who are really enthused about their status follow up their enthusiasm with trash talk about men and with phrases that can be summed up with “being with a man is pointless”. This is a woman who is trying to recover from a relationship or maybe has developed these views because of her childhood experience with men, or perhaps the way her mother related to men. You will also find women who will only want to commit up to a certain point. Meaning everything seemed to be going smoothly but now she just won’t budge when it comes to committing to be exclusive, or moving into you.
Action: Take an assessment of this women and determine if this is a woman that you want to be in a relationship with. If you decided she is then do the following. Help her work through her inability to commit. You don’t do this by telling her how awesome she is and how great it will be in you were together. You want to help guide her to this realisation herself. The best way is to actually ask her exactly what she is afraid about. Use the vague answers she will initially give you for more questions that will dig a little deeper. Usually a woman will be afraid to commit because of a fear of something. Find out what that fear is, bring it to light, and you can help dissipate the commitment issues, while building trust, and displaying leadership.
The last reason, is that a woman simply doesn’t want to commit to you. I left this one last because it can be a hard one to swallow. I speak from experience on this one, back when I was dating 3 or 4 different men at the same time. One of them really wanted me to commit but I kept dragging it out. Another one I liked but he didn’t want to commit to me. Then a 5th guy that I met while out one night took me by surprise and within 2 weeks I was in an exclusive relationship with him. So, it wasn’t that I was unwilling to commit – it was just that I wanted to commit to the right guy. I can tell you this – some relationships are a struggle to put together. And, others just seem effortless and natural. When you meet person who is good for you – you will have an instant connection with them. Whether that be a spiritual, mental, emotional, or physical one – I guarantee that one or more of those components will be there.
So, when you have a woman that simply does not want to commit to you – then it’s best to give her the gift of missing you. Permanently. You will save yourself an constant uphill battle and open yourself many more possibilities.
I’ve had my say, now it’s your turn. Ladies, what are some of the other reasons why you won’t commit? Men, what are your thoughts?
You can check out part 1: On how to get her to stop pushing for commitment here.
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