The Irrelevance of Sexual Compatibility! …
Some of you may be reading the heading right now and be thinking, “What do you mean it’s not relevant? It’s all that really matters!” Yes, well don’t worry, I’m still on your side. I’m not saying that you are committing yourself to a lifetime of dull, boring, and completely unexciting sexual experiences.
In fact, what I will be showing you is how you can have amazing, passionate, exciting, mind blowing sexual experiences with a woman that you care about. When posed with the idea of how important is sexual compatibility is I had to laugh. I believe it’s a great misconception that sexual compatibility is actually relevant at all. Having a sexual experience with your partner is an extension to the solid foundation you have built with them. It’s taking those same communication skills you have in everyday life and applying them to the bedroom. They are not two separate spaces. They are both part of the same whole. Sex is not some added bonus or icing on the cake. It makes up the cake.
Where compatibility really matters …
The core things that are required to create the solid foundation of a relationship are shared values, open lines of communication, unconditional acceptance, honesty, courage, emotional maturity, and the need and desire for both people to put their relationship first. The magic happens in the combination of all these factors working together. The magic happens when there is compatibility here on all levels!
In part of my research for this article, I looked up sexual incompatibility in marriages. I read and analyzed many of the different concerns partners had. There was one common theme I could see weaved throughout all the stories that I read.
Here it is – sexual incompatibility was the symptom of a greater cause: a breakdown of the relationship in some form.
These breakdowns were represented in a number of forms but could be boiled down to poor lines of: communication, understanding, acceptance, and vitality in the relationship. They all boiled down to emotional incompatibility issues happening with the relationship. It sounds so simple. Despite this, it’s why I believe that a healthy relationship will have a healthy sex life. And an unhealthy relationship will have an unhealthy sex life. Again, yet another deceivingly simple but profound concept.
What do I believe is the number relationship breakdown cause? It is this: the woman withholding the true expression of her femininity – and the absence of a strong masculine energy to draw it out.
Women don’t like sex?
Now, let me dispel another treacherous and damaging myth about women. There is the common belief out there that men are more interested in sex than women or that women simply are not interested in sex. Wow. Really?
Well let me tell you the truth: the majority of women actively enjoy regular, exciting, and fabulous sex with their man WHEN she feels completely safe to unleash all her femininity.
And, this is the kind of sex which can last a lifetime. This is about a woman having a sexual desire for you throughout the entirety of your relationship. When a woman’s emotional needs are met at high levels – she may as well hold up a sign that reads, “Come in …. whenever you want, however you want, and as many times as you want.”
Meeting a woman’s emotional needs doesn’t necessarily involve treating her nice all the time. It doesn’t mean keeping quiet when you really want to say something. It doesn’t mean complying with what she asks you to do. In fact, meeting her emotional needs could mean doing the opposite of all of that. It does mean being able to: call to her playful side; easily handle her moodiness; and at times – anticipate her needs. It does mean truly valuing and caring about her: feelings, wants, needs, and desires. It does mean reading between the lines to see THINGS she may not be able to directly communicate to you. Your competency in being able to do all of this will help a woman feel more: secure, safe, protected, and trustful of you as her man. She will be able to more fully embrace her femininity on all levels.
Understanding a woman 101
Let me give you a little correlation lesson. The more feminine a woman feels. The more sexual attraction she will feel for you. The more she is going to want to jump your bones, again and again and again. How do I know that this is true? Only from first hand experience of the different sexual attraction different men can draw out on me. I also see this in the way my girlfriends respond to particular guys.
There were some guys they dated where their sexual attraction was mild at the best. And, other guys they dated who turned them into this horny little devils.
Women are always responding to a man’s energy. You project. She absorbs. Just think about how that works in the bedroom, too. Meaning you project energy (in all forms) and she absorbs and responds to this energy (in all forms). When a woman is: excited, interested, attracted, and completely happy with a man she turns into a little sex kitten. He unleashes her. And, then they get to unleash each other. If you are not getting the response you are looking for then you need to become aware of energy you are projecting and if this woman is emotionally, mentally and intellectually compatible with you.
What makes a woman want to jump you …
Think about it. This is the reason why it is so hard for a woman to be intimate with you when she is upset about something specifically to do with you or the relationship. When a woman feels upset about something, usually it’s because she feels threatened in some way. As a biological response it is NOT NATURAL to want to be more open and receptive and vulnerable when you are feeling threatened.
If you can continually re-establish, nourish, and protect her safety on all levels she will have no reason to withhold.
She will become more open, receptive, girly, expressive, and feminine with you. She will be able to appreciate, validate, and give many different emotional and physical gifts to you. She will show a keen sexual interest, desire, and passion for you.
When a woman feels comfort, safety, protection, excitement, and happiness about herself in relation to a man and the relationship she will DO ANYTHING to keep that man happy.
Her preferences of what she likes and does not like will go out the window. She will be so willing to serve and please you – to the point it will even surprise you. When a woman is completely open she will DO ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING to make her man happy. Keep in mind that women are naturally geared to give. This is the very essence of feminine energy. It’s about giving and developing rapport with others. They want to open to a man. They want to explore things with a man that really excites them. You have to give them the biggest opportunity to do that. And, when you do – she will crave you, hunger for you, desire you in more ways that you could known or have every experienced. She will give herself completely to you. And, when she does there is nothing else in the world that will make you feel like more of a man. It will make you feel strong, powerful, acknowledged, and completely accepted for embracing your own masculinity. It will open up so many new “first time” doors. And, the sexual intimacy you experience will only be a door way to experience intimacy in new and unimaginable ways. Your expectations will be exceeded time and time again.
I want you to remember that the bedroom will be a snapshot of what is really happening in the relationship. And, if a woman truly enjoys your company, truly enjoys being in the relationship with you: she will do anything with you and for you. You can make the decision as to whether you want to meet her emotional needs. And, once you do meet these emotional needs at very high levels you would have created your own little horny devil. Can you see now how sexual compatibility will become an issue of the past?
I’ve had my say, now it’s your turn!
Hot Alpha Female



Rock on ; ) I like how eloquent you are becoming, on the hidden truth that females are mere reflections of how much a Man, a Male is. The more Woman (receptive, expressive, open, warm) she is, the more Man (purposeful, present, passionate, on path to share etc) is present.
This took me some heart felt pain staking time to understand & appreciate;
that not her, but I set the tone of the relationship; When there is a Happy Man (with himself on path), there is always Happy Woman, how interesting is that?
Hey on another note on your great article I am wondering how open are you to this hidden perspective? as i heard you say
“…and desire for both people to put their relationship first.”
To what i am aware of for a great evolving relationship to thrive; wouldn’t it be ‘best the relationship come second to him, his purpose’ ; as its his purpose that gives him passion presence which strengthens, forwardly contains and passionately fuels the relationship from his end ain’t it? (as she manages the other responsibilities of the relationship, which she surpasses us men in)
(note: this is all coming from the context that the man chose a relationship that best represents what he stands for and wants to share with the world)
your thoughts HAF?.;)
Great Article.
Rock n roll;)
“Well let me tell you the truth: the majority of women actively enjoy regular, exciting, and fabulous sex with their man WHEN she feels completely safe to unleash all her femininity.”
See, there’s the difference. If what you say is true, then women want lots of sex according to some condition. Men want sex always. Therefore the idea that men are more interested in sex is no myth.
Still, it’s nice to know there is a condition.
Zach, I have to disagree with you. Men and women have at least the same level of sexual desire, and I’d argue that women have MORE (especially true of older women). Women, generally speaking, need more comfort and rapport in order to unleash their true sexual nature, whereas a man’s sexual nature is that of an outward aggressor and ravisher. Thus, the dudes will more outwardly express their desires…although, if you’ve ever heard a gaggle of chicks gossiping, I’d argue that the ladies don’t have a problem verbalizing their desires either!
Anyways, everyone has conditions for engaging in sex. Me personally, I will only have sex with a woman IF I’m sexually compatible with her. As a younger man, I was less selective, but still selective nonetheless.
Lance, fair enough. After a while I realized my response was more about bad memories involving an ex. In the future I’ll be more careful not to post while angry.
So true. I always found it funny when guys say girls aren’t into sex! I would always think who are these girls that aren’t into it??? Cause I’ve never met them. In fact the closer they get to 30 the more they want it and don’t be surprised if their desire exceeds yours! They just want to feel safe and know that what they do won’t get blabbed to yer friends in the locker room. Whether it does or doesn’t is another story but the want to feel that safety either way.
Good article!
Interesting topic. As a somewhat older women, I have to agree that a woman wants to feel safe. Not to say we’re worried about being hurt, but we are generally not interested in the one night stand. So we want to make sure we’re not that. Once we establish a level of trust with a man, know he’s sticking around, we’ll let down the walls and reveal an even hotter side. We don’t want to scare men away by showing them all our tricks at once… don’t want them to think we’re slutty… and also want to make sure he deserves that added effort. It’s kind of a dance, and we prefer the man leads.
Hmm. I was watching Back to the Future, and there is a scene where Lorraine squeezes Marty’s thigh while asserting “He can stay in my room.” Oops, I think I got the wrong idea and wasted my teens and twenties waiting for a female to take the initiative. Haha. Play me off, keyboard cat: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G-S0mFaPh-A&t=01m51s
I agree with you, sexual compatibility is irrelevant. It is only incompatible when egos clash onto each others. When you drop your ego, you can be compatible with anyone and everyone
@Etienne,
You do not know how profound that statement really is, “Dropping the ego” the source of the truly great relationship.hint: Vipassana
Jens doing a great job stirring the pot of male awareness.
Like a watrmelon…you slaked my thirst to know what a woman really thinks about in sexual/relationship fulfillment…you fed my hope that I can actually achieve and inspire an awesome relationship…and lastly, those lil’ black seeds that people spit out–you’re spittin’ out some stuff that can truly nourish the human landscape if it falls on “good ground”.Ohhh yes . I am grateful for your sharing. Eva heard of The Pyramids? The Pyramids because your insight into this hot topic borders on the mysterious=).
And Thats Wonderful!
sometimes there is nothing to understand.
Women love hearing advice where they are absolved from having to have an active part of the solution. Completely ignoring the fact that there are two people in the relationship and a man may be doing everything perfectly and STILL be in a sexless or sexually unsatisfying relationship. Sexual Compatibility IS important and I could be the old spice guy, but if your girlfriend isn’t in the mood (for weeks, months, years), she isn’t in the mood.
Men and women’s sexuality is different and not the same. Men are interested in VARIETY, not the same women every night no matter how hot or sexually skilled she is. A man stays in a relationship because he is unable to get a different women every night. Ofcourse, the best situation is to be in a relationship and a stable of endless new hoes on the side. That is the best of both worlds. This is the way we are programmed. Our interest in females is mainly sexual, we do not care for her conversation, her skills, her talents, her popularity, basically nothing but her looks and her ability to sexually please us. Everything else including the relationship is done for the purpose of sex. ofcourse not the pussy whipped chumps who adore women, what fools. But ofcourse, we have to pretend we adore them, but one that truly adores them is insane.
A woman wants one man to fulfill her every need. A man wants every woman to fulfill his one need.
“The price of sex is the company of a woman”
“Men and Women can atleast agree on one thing. They both enjoy the company of men better”
Read this essay if you really want to understand women, not the PC stuff promoted everywhere else.
On Women, Arthur Schopenhauer
http://ebooks.adelaide.edu.au/s/schopenhauer/arthur/essays/chapter5.html
Hello Hot Alpha Female,
I came upon your post and gave it a considerable amount of thought. I have written a full response that I do hope you’d give the time to read, if for no other reason than to defend your argument… or simply to expound and explain. If I am lost on this, surely there must be others.
http://birdsandbeesdomorethanbuzzandhum.blogspot.com/2011/07/birds-sexual-compatibility-is-essential.html
[...] Hot Alpha Female: The Irrelevance of Sexual Compatibility [...]
[...] things online and came across Hot Alpha Female’s (HAF) blog. Particularly, her post titled “The Irrelevance of Sexual Compatibility.” Let me state plainly, I [...]
@hotalphafemale I’m wondering if The Radical’s posts are completely satirical. LOL. I think he misunderstoods, It reminds me when I was younger of being too concrete in words, theories & seeing things in black & white. You can’t be too fatalistic on terms or arguments. Just thinking.
@TheRadical it’s a paradox, in as much as there is relevance in sexual compatibility there is also the irrelevance of sexual compatibility. They are both essential. Even if i’m having good sex with a girl whom i’m very sexually compatible with, the sexual satisfaction can be lost if the relationship isn’t healthy even from the moment it starts or you’ve just met. Even with a smoking hot woman — I have already been in a position where I can’t even feel a boner for her. I have buddies who would even tell me that they are now faking it while having sex and have become not so good at it like with a particular girl ends up crying in bed. Sexual satisfaction is somehow linked to your relationship with yourself & with the other person and something that can’t be overlooked. The form always follows the substance, remember that.
@hotalphamale: Perhaps the comment in satirical, I’m not sure either. But everyone is free to take whatever stance or opinion on the post. It all adds to an interesting conversation.
You say,
“They are both essential. Even if i’m having good sex with a girl whom i’m very sexually compatible with, the sexual satisfaction can be lost if the relationship isn’t healthy even from the moment it starts or you’ve just met. Even with a smoking hot woman — I have already been in a position where I can’t even feel a boner for her.”
I understand what you are saying here and in conversations with men who are perhaps older, more emotionally mature – intellectual and emotional stimulation becomes just as important as the physical – to have a complete experience.
Hot Alpha Female
so diplomatic of you jenny, i like that. well like i said, the form follows the substance. I completely agree with you I believe too it’s a great misconception that sexual compatibility is actually relevant at all. For me, sex it’s really like a great extension. Just putting a paradox for the radical to see, that in as much he thinks sexual compatibility is important, i think the real foundation is the connection.
This article makes me laugh. Stupid, and so
Obviously created by someone who knows nothing about the topic.
What happens when the couple are sexually incompatible and the female is either unwilling or unable to talk about sex at all despite any attempt by the male?