A reader asks ….

“While your advice in attracting women is some of the best I’ve seen, the problem is that the problem doesn’t stop there. The real question is: How do you maintain that attraction and sex appeal when you enter a serious relationship where maybe the goal is to get married, have kids, buy a house, consolidate finances, and live the rest of the life like two responsible adults. What do men need to do to stay sexy to their committed women, while possibly working 10 hours a day and taking care of other daily responsibilities and duties. – D ”

#1 Knowing what’s really important …
Awesome question! Now, I’m going to highlight where I see the problem, “How do you maintain that attraction when you enter a serious relationship where maybe the goal is to get married, have kids, buy a house, consolidate finances and live the rest of the life like two responsible adults.” Since, when did the goal of any relationship lead to the marriage, the house, and the kids? Since, when does one need to “stop being in love” and get on with “being responsible”? Being in love and being responsible are not two separate things. I can just hear some of you rebutting what I just said. Maybe some of the things going through your mind are: “It’s not reasonable to just focus on the relationship”, or “I don’t have time”, or “There are more important things”, or “We have adult responsibilities!” So, allow me to let you in on a little secret: the key to a woman’s heart and the key to your own heart is that the TWO of you are continually putting each other first. That’s it. It’s that simple. It’s a minor detail which makes the biggest difference.

What I mean when I say “put each other first” is that each others happiness and fulfillment is the LIFEBLOOD of the relationship. This isn’t about being fair or equal. This isn’t about being 50-50 exchange. This is about both of you being 100% committed to each other and to the relationship you are building together. It’s about both of you “playing full out” or “not playing at all”. In fact, I would say that you owe it your marriage, and to your kids to be cultivating the best relationship possible with your partner. The truth is, it’s not the kids, the marriage, the house, or the career that gets in the way of an intimate relationship.

What it’s really about is the decision underpinning all that which screams, “All of these things are more important than you!” That is the decision which: harms, kills, and DESTROYS the growth, happiness, and passion in a relationship.

The False American Dream (The FAD)
I completely understand WHY a question like this is asked. It’s part of this False American Dream which includes the wife, the house, the kids, and the white picket fence – which supposedly will lead to a lifetime of happiness and bliss. But what happens when we look at the reality? Reality consists of two people together bound by marriage, in a house they can’t afford, and children they don’t understand. Many people are running around with the false idea that the happiness will increase when they get the house, the wife, and the kids. But the distinction is that ALL OF THESE are the extension of the happiness created and magnified in an intimate relationship.

The house, the marriage, and the kids are the fruits of labor from the great relationship. They are NOT what MAKES a great relationship.

The happiness is found in the ways you connect with your partner on a daily basis. The happiness comes from the laughter you share together. The happiness comes in the sharing of each other needs, wants and desires in a safe and intimate space. The happiness comes from contributing to each others lives daily. All of this comes first. The house, the marriage and the children ARE the extension of this happiness. But they are not the source. The real fulfillment comes from you truly connecting with your partner because you see and understand each other in a way that no-one else in the world can truly comprehend.

Relationships fail because one or both partners do not make TIME to appreciate one another. Relationships fail because “comfort” becomes a priority instead of growth, honest, and courage. Without romance, passion, excitement, and intensity are not a priority relationships lose their ZEST! If you want the passion and the romance then you need to bring a high standard to your relationship and you need to engage in that high standard while in the relationship. This is about MAKING the time and TAKING all the opportunities you can to draw closer and closer to your partner.

It may not always be easy. It may not always be convenient. But it is always, always, always WORTH it. Because NOTHING and I mean NOTHING can give you the juice to life like an intimate relationship.

#2: Personal responsibility ….
To have a great relationship you must continually develop and grow in character and as a person. In a relationship a person see’s all parts of you. The dark, the light. The good, the bad. The happy and the unhappy. The special and the not so special. There is nothing you can hold back. There is nothing you can hide. The only way you can maintain that attraction in a relationship is to continually take it deeper and deeper every single day. A great relationship between two people includes both of them equally contribute their OWN “greatness”. So, it takes a level of personal responsibility for each individual to cultivate their own happiness.

A relationship will always magnify the energies which are brought to it. If both of you are depressed, your relationship will also feel depressing to be in. If both of you are happy and excited about life, then your relationship will be a reflection of this, too.

A relationship grows through the magnification of the experiences you can share together.

It grows when you get to celebrate each others successes. It grows when you can be a pillar of strength for the other when they are going through a difficult time. It grows when you make time for each other DESPITE the fact that you have a million things to do.

A relationship grows because you are making the decision to be there with your partner. Everyday. Not because you HAVE to be there. Not because you NEED to be there. But simply because every single part of you WANTS to be there. And, you are there because you choose to be there.

#3 Being present …
You want to maintain that attraction. You need to continually develop your presence. Your masculine energy. And, your self esteem. I really wish I had something new and magical to say here (something that you haven’t heard before) but it really just comes back to all these things and especially presence.

Again, what I mean by presence – is your ability to identity, engage with your purpose, passions, and mission.

These are things that you consistently should be working on in CONJUNCTION with your relationship. But remember your relationship with your woman comes first and foremost. This also means doing whatever it takes to really BE in this relationship. When you are with her, be with her, in that moment in time. No random thoughts about other people, other projects, or other things. You need a clear head and an open heart. “Trying” to be there for a woman when you are really “somewhere else” can be more damaging than re-enforcing. You are better off being honest with her and letting her know that you need to clear your head first so that you can give her your full attention later.

#4 Remembering a woman’s needs for emotional workouts …
Also, remember that a woman needs to experience a whole range of different emotions. This is just part of her nature. A woman cannot be constantly happy all the time. Nor can she be constantly sad all the time. She needs to fluctuate between a whole range of emotions.

You can stay connected to her by making sure that you stand by her when she experiences these different emotions and also to do things that ENCOURAGE her to explore her emotions.

It’s like a pressure valve. If you are constantly releasing pressure on a daily basis, it rarely has time to build up. Therefore when you make time EVERYDAY to allow a woman to vent or express her emotions she will be much more happier and fulfilled with you. The happier and more fulfilled a woman the more she has to give to you in the form of: validation, acknowledgment, praise, admiration, and respect. And, most importantly when a woman feels emptied out of the negative and filled up on the positive, she can truly be: open, feminine, and receptive to you. All of this in return will make you feel like the strongest, most powerful man in the world.

I’ve had my say, now it’s your turn!

Hot Alpha Female
(because Cute Beta Female just didn’t do it for me)

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