What Is Love To You?
I just so happen to stumble across this very interesting website which talks about the different meanings of love and what it means to couples and people all around the world.
Sometimes I hesitate to talk about love. Because, it’s one of these topics which is undervalued and over analyzed. In fact I would go as far to say that love is one of those things that is only really talked about when something is wrong with it.
In many ways, our society can’t handle true, romantic, happy, passionate love. To many, it’s simply unbearable. Because the people who experience such love is very limited. So, instead of; talking about love or expressing romantic love it is; suppressed, ignored or nullified. To talk about love seems boring, unnecessary and plain unrealistic.
With that in mind, let’s talk about love. Because, despite what the majority of society may believe I think love is; exciting, delightful, deep, eye opening, and incredibly fulfilling. I’m also sure that in saying so I could be accused of being naive, gullible and emotionally immature. But I stand by and continue to believe that love heals all wounds, creates a fulfilling experience like no other and should ALWAYS been given a chance.
On coming to this website in big capital letters reads “LOVE IS …..” Then in 11 characters or less you are to compress all the wonderful joys of love into a word. This itself seems like an impossible task. But I was determined to complete it. After much thought and deliberation, I placed my word in this box and smiled.
It read “love is … special”.
Yes, that is what love means to me. It is special because creating a relationship with someone is something private and intimate. You create a relationship with this person, which is like no other thing you have ever experienced.
There is this book which was given to me called the “Psychology of Romantic Love” by Nathanial Branden which has blown my mind away on what love is truly all about. It has integrated many of the things I felt I had learned from experience and also opened up an entirely new world. It is my belief that this book, if taught in school, would and could completely change the way people relate, love and develop relationships with eachother. It is the bible for relationships and love.
I mention this because Branden terms a phrase which develops my ideas on what love is about. And that is, of the “private universe” to which he explains as;
… an emotional support system, a sanctuary, a source of nourishment and energy, apart from the outside world.
Everyone who has been in love more than once knows that each love relationship has its own music, its own style – and its own world.
And it’s so true!
You are creating a “private” universe. One which only the two of you truly understand.
It’s special because you are sharing things with each other that you don’t share with anyone else. It’s special because any relationship you enter into, has it’s defining qualities. Each relationship has it’s memories. Each relationship has it’s challenges. Each relationship has it’s own language. Yes. That’s it. You are creating a language which only another person understands. Which only the two of you can truly celebrate.
Sometimes, I cringe a little when I read these relationship articles on “how to have a great relationship” or “common pitfalls you must avoid at all costs”. Yes, there are some things that every healthy fulfilling relationship is required to have like trust, intimacy, equal levels of self esteem and maturity. Some core components must be present in a healthy relationship. Equally there are other things that may appear quirky or improper to outsiders, which really make that particular relationship thrive and grow.
Additionally, there is too my emphasis on comparing the love that may be in front of you and the love being experience by another couple. It’s the case of keeping up with the Jones, except the ideals of a relationship are simply that. Ideals.
Happily ever after is a day by day, moment to moment experience. For women they seem to think that more commitment they receive from a man the more fulfilled they will be. But the emptiness they feel cannot be filled by a ring, a house, or a child. This emptiness must find nourishment first from the individual. It must then be coaxed out and shared with an intimate partner who encourages, supports and accepts all parts of what is before them.
So love is special. Love is private. Love is deep. Love adds the color in a black and white world. And yes, love should always been given a chance.
What is love to you?
Hey!
I have been watching your youtube videos since hours already and I love your stuff, it’s really neat to get a female perspective on love and dating questions. I was just wondering, you are using many terms from the pickup community and you are also referring to some guys from real social dynamics. I’m curious, in what way are you connected to them and what do you think how the community maybe somehow distorts dating dynamics? I totally get all the concepts of amongst others being cocky and funny (from David De Angelo), being in control and so on but I believe that to some extend those dudes that memorize openers and are not working on their inner game are not really progressing and are just puppets. What’s your stake on that one?
Cheers!
Adrian
@HAP: sigh i feel really sad when i found out that my gf who has dumped me have moved on. it sucks, especially when i put so much effort learning about game and all. it has been 2 weeks and i’ve tried to move on, but the scarring just got worst when i saw her twitter and her wanting to “sleep” with her idols, along with flirting with another guy online.
i should just let go of any hope and move on right? my first love; and if love is so fragile…
@ Jacksparrow: I can totally relate to what you are saying. Realize though that it is a process to recover from a breakup. It is a process that will end when you reach a level of indifference towards her. You should eventually be so level-headed that you truly want her to be happy and live a good life. You need to move on, it’s very hard but I am sure you will succeed. Keep in mind that each minute we spend worrying about the future and regretting the past is a minute we miss in our appointment with life.
haha thanks man…i keep telling myself its her “fuckin’ loss”. gotta move on. i realise watching RSD’s productions: the jeffy show, blueprint, transformations really help me get my shit together.
especially after learning about the theory of “relative deprivation”.
btw i feel that david D’s material is very outdated. it focusses a lot on techniques which a girl can see through after some time. and a lot of newbies tend to take it too far of a stretch, resulting in incongruence it will blow them out of potential relationships etc. it still requires calibration skills to know when you “may be over extending”. for instance, HAF mentioned that being overly C&F can do more harm than good (i’ve been there in my last r/s) etc.
would definitely look forward to more relationship management skills, eg ways to build rapport without coming off as being supplicating
@Adrian: In regards to your first comment. I think techniques and pick up have their time and place. But I think that the most important aspect is to address the underlying cause behinds a man’s thoughts about himself and women and how this affects his interaction with them. Then you can attract a woman with your presence, with your confidence etc and she gets to see the real deal. This also helps in cultivating an actual relationship with this woman.
@Jacksparrow: I believe the advice that Adrian shared with you is pretty dam spot on. I would suggest that you cut contact with her completely which involves avoiding her twitter, facebook etc. This only reopens old wounds and doesn’t give you the time and space to heal.
I think that David D’s material is still pretty good. I think what is deemed to be the “latest and the greatest” techniques are really just revamped old ideas anyways. Look, women and picking up women, isn’t really going to change in the space of 10, 15, or even 20 years. At the end of the day they still have the same needs.
When learning pickup there is definitely a need for calibration. It’s like learning anything new. Sometimes you overdo it. But it’s also all part of the process. I still believe that if a man can focus on developing his strengths, cultivating some new skills and really understanding what drives a woman he can attract and most importantly maintain attraction with her.
You are probably going to go on a journey jacksparrow. And when the time is right you will soon develop the skills to look back on this last relationship objectively and see some of the things that it taught you =)
So keep at it. Keep learning. And keep and open mind. Your on the right track.
Hot Alpha Female