How To Tell She Is Emotionally Immature …
Have you ever dated a woman who just seemed a little off? Like she was too much effort? Like she was involved in WAY too much drama? Like she was always changing the way she felt about you? Like she was giving you mixed messages? I can see how dating and relating experiences like this can really confuse you. Not only that, I can see how it could really put you off women in general because of how easy it is to assume that all women are the same.
Some of you have just resigned yourself to the fact that woman are a species which does not WANT to be understood.
Or maybe you have at least thought about this at one point or another. Well, I’m here to shed some light on this (at times) mysterious issue. And it’s pretty easy to overcome once you have identified what the problem is. In most cases, women who are experiencing consistently high and low mood swings, denial and only slight degrees of self responsibility are more than likely to be emotionally immature.
This means a woman who is actually 35 years old can have the emotional maturity level of a 15 year old. I will also note that emotionally maturity is not entirely dependent on age. There are some younger women out there who are incredibly mature for their age and vice versa. There are a number of reasons why maturity does or does not develop but more on that later. First I want to help you guys really identify: what an emotionally immature woman looks like, what she does, and then why she is the way she is.
The Emotionally Immature Woman
What would be one defining factor of an emotionally immature woman? Despite the fact that there are numerous factors if I had to sum it up in a sentence of two it would go something like this: “An emotionally immature woman doesn’t have the skills or experience to cope with reality. An emotionally immature woman doesn’t understand what boundaries are. An emotionally immature woman doesn’t know where things start and where they should end.” She has no coping skills. She has no sense of personal responsibility. For an emotionally immature woman the world simply exists to serve her purposes. Like a child who: screams, cries, and yells to get what they want, so too, do emotionally immature women. Except they may use their femininity and sexuality as the bargaining chip. Sexual looks, flirtatious smiles, sexual favors, and sex are all tools to get what they want, when they want it. And, you know what? It proves to be an effective about 99% of the time. So why would they need to learn anything else?
In need of awareness …
An emotionally immature woman has no sense of awareness of what she is doing. She is on autopilot. She is in constant reaction to her emotions to her needs and wants. She is happy if she gets what she wants. She has tantrum if she doesn’t get what she wants immediately. She has no sense of herself in her own world. She has limited ability or want to reflect or analyze her actions. She has no insight into herself. She does not really know what she is doing. And, in some respects you can’t blame her. She simply doesn’t know anything else.
In need of personal autonomy …
Emotionally immature women don’t understand the idea of personal autonomy. It’s for this reason they are more likely to flake on dates and appointments with you. It’s for this reason they may seem so disorganized with their life. It’s for this reason they may feel like a victim rather than the leader and creator of their own life. It’s for this reason why they are likely to blame something outside themselves instead of owning a mistake and then taking positive action to change it. It’s for this reason they may not be able to follow through on their word.
In need of boundaries …
Emotionally immature women need boundaries. Just like a little child who is spoilt, the thing you can really do is: change the expectations of the child, impose boundaries, and use a reward based system for the desired behavior. The same is for an emotionally immature woman. She doesn’t know that she needs boundaries, but this is something that she so desperately needs to experience.
What An Emotionally Mature Woman Looks Like
See, when a woman is emotionally mature she can do all these things and more. She has a sense of self control. She can accept and control her urges. She has wisdom and the ability to look at her life reflectively and learn from her mistakes. She understands the concept of personal responsibility and has accountability for all of her actions. She has a sense of independence to make her own decisions and to observe the consequences in a rational manner. Because she has all of these, she is more likely to engage in: altruism, anticipation, humor, flexibility, and adaptability.
An emotionally mature woman can role with the punches. She can take things in her stride. She can communicate what she wants.
She can: listen, learn, validate, appreciate, and respond to you. She is more innately optimistic because she understands that at any given point she has the skills to deal with life. Because she has done it in the past and she can do it again. It means she can speak up for what she wants, without having an emotional tantrum. So instead of acting upset, she simply states what she wants. If her partner is not listening to her or she feels she is not being heard, she will say something. She will do the best to communicate by: listening, validating, accepting, and then speaking. She will process a lot of her thoughts before blurting them out. She will think about things first before sharing with you. She will truly listen to what you have to say and using her own independent mind, come to her own conclusions and then communicate this with you.
Why Is She Emotionally Immature?
A woman can be emotionally immature for a number of reasons. This could be dependent on the way she was raised. Maybe she didn’t have a strong female role model in her life to learn from. Maybe she was nurtured up until a later age in her growing up period and didn’t need to develop these skills. Because there is an inability to process her emotions – there has been no need to process her emotions and therefore there has been no real desire to emotionally mature. Women who also get into relationships with men from an early age can also be prone to this as well. Part of emotional maturity is a sense of independence and a sense of self. If they are having relationships with men from a very early age, their sense of self is tied to a man. If this man is no longer in their life or the men in their life are consistently churning, her sense of identity is always unstable and consistently churning, too.
She has no foot holding in her world.
Women who are incredibly attractive may also experience this. Since they have been able to get what they want 99% of the time based on their looks, they have very little in terms of strategies and ways of getting what they want, when their looks don’t work. This is why they go back to brattiness and whining since this was the last conscious memory they recall which also helped them get what they wanted. Unfortunately this is technique that worked better when they were younger.
Again, if 99% of the time their looks are getting them what they want, then there is very little desire or need for them to look at positive alternatives.
All of this should be taken into account when dating and relating with a woman. Observing how she acts over time will also be very important – so that you can start to see a pattern. Once you start spending more time with a woman you will see how clearly her emotional maturity level will shine through. Once you can identify and know exactly what you are dealing with, then you have the power again to decide where you want to take it.
With that said, when you truly understand what creates attraction and what drives a woman it is a lot easier to attract them. The more women that you attract the greater choice you have. The more choice you have the more selective you can really be. I know how tempting it can be to want to hang onto a woman even though you have identified her as emotionally immature (simply because you don’t think you can do better).
I urge you to understand that if you can focus on identifying what an emotionally mature woman wants in a man and cultivate and develop those qualities in yourself you will be in much more control.
And, you will be much more fulfilled in the process. That would be better than settling. That would be better than just giving up. See, when you do either of those you lose a tiny part of that spark. You dim that fire that is burning inside of you. This fire, this spark inside you, should be viciously guarded. It should be protected, because it is the greatest gift any one of us could ever possess. So don’t destroy it by settling.
Word of caution
Don’t assume that if a woman is giving you mixed messages that she is emotionally immature. She may not be into you. She may not be sure about you and processing. You need to take an overall snapshot of how she is overall responding to you. After a woman experiences something really intense she may need a couple of days to recover. Other times she could be battling things in her head, along with the attraction she feels for you. This is a common reason why woman will say one thing and then do another. Because they don’t have the awareness to understand what it is that they truly want. Or to admit to themselves that they are in fact attracted to this man.
Also note that a woman will always be doing her best to reflect back what you are giving her. Put a woman in front of 10 different men and she may behave in 10 different ways.
This is because women are responders of men. They absorb and reflect back what is being given to them.
A man with presence is more than likely going to make a woman feel more calm, feminine and relaxed. All these naturally help her process her emotions. When a woman can process her emotions she is more able to react in more predictable ways. So, when you are not assertive in placing boundaries at the beginning she will learn that “it is okay” to overstep them. So, when you start re-enforcing more boundaries she will be taken aback and will probably even have a little more resistance. Is that her fault? Or is she simply treating you the way that you taught her to? In my own personal experience there were men who drew out different maturity levels within me. With the men that had a presence which made me feel safe, secure and validated I would be able to reflect and behave in ways that were very emotionally mature. Where this security was threatened whilst I wouldn’t turn into a complete emotional mess, I found it harder to communicate and process more of my emotions. So, again, it’s also very important that you do certain things early on with a woman she will bring out her greatest version of emotional maturity.
How To Deal With Emotionally Immature Women … Should You Choose To.
I say should you choose to because I want you to remember that you are always the one that has a choice. If you are looking for is an emotionally mature woman and you have identified she is emotionally immature (more than you can or want to handle) – then don’t continue seeing her. It’s really that simple. You don’t owe it to anyone to continue dating her. In fact by cutting your contact with her you may give her to opportunity to grow up a little. She may be able to take that situation as an opportunity to wake up and truly see how HER actions are driving certain men away.
The best ways to deal with emotionally immature women is to assertively place boundaries very early on in your relationship with them. It also involves paying enough attention to pick up on her manipulative techniques and call her out on her games.
If you find a woman who is emotionally immature but want to learn how she can learn in this area, then you can choose to really guide her along this process too. This means that you can hold her to a higher standard, treat her like you would an emotionally mature woman and encourage her when she acts like a mature woman. But the best thing about this process is the awareness puts you back into control. So, at the end of the day, it’s up to you to decide what you are willing and not willing to tolerate. This is a very good thing.
I’ve had my say, now it’s your turn!
Want more on this topic? Then make sure to check out:
Crazy and Emotionally Immature Women Part 1
Crazy and Emotionally Immature Women Part 2
Hot Alpha Female
Yeah–I also think that the lack of emotional maturity observed in women may be largely due to their environmental upbringing and of course, possibly other reasons as well (like you said). If I had to quantify it, the levels of emotional maturity in women follows a Gaussian curve (or maybe even a slightly left-skewed distribution curve). Most women fall in the middle and then we have the two extremes, where one of them represents the very immature type and the other is the mature. Based on my experiences, a lot of girls I meet and even some of my female friends, they’re not completely emotionally mature–I’d say they’re in between or leaning towards the less mature extreme. But with time, I do hope they develop into the mature type. I think emotionally mature women are difficult to find–do you think so?
P.S. I’ve always wondered what your ethnicity is. You seem to have Asian-esque features. What’s your ethnicity?
Best,
Will
An emotionally mature woman is naturally fricking hot imo, that’s sort of the female equivalent of what you and Marni were talking about in that other video. I’ve almost followed around girls that were only a lowly 6.1562319 who displayed those characteristics
Yeah women are beautiful reflections of our character.
To what I am aware of, I noticed I attract women that compliment my character at the time…i.e (what I need to learn about myself at the time;). as you evolve so does your quality of woman. Their quality to observe themselves, set loving boundaries & assert their warm feminine ways; all over you ;1
.
Yeah “I get what I reflect”, bless them, women rock.
Rock n roll
Yeah i had got into a “friend zone” with a girl who was emotionally immature. I still have trouble getting over her. But the problem is not that she doesn’t like me. Its more of that she is the one who is lost and out of control and it makes me feel so bad to see her like that. Its been 6 months since i have seen her. But i stopped talking to her to show her what her problems are and i know she knows them by now but she doesn’t care at all about fixing. Whatever, i just have to move on.
Look up Histrionic Personality Disorder. Easy fix…. RUN
@Will: I would say that the proportion of women that are emotionally immature are greater than the proportion that are mature. It really leaves only two options. Knowing how to handle an emotionally immature woman or being able to attract a woman who is emotionally mature.
I’m Chinese/Indonesian =)
@fathamburger: Also fricking hot women can be at the risk of being incredibly emotionally Immature simply because they use their looks to get what they want and have very limited coping skills when they don’t.
@Romyl: “As you evolve so does your quality of women” – this is incredibly profound and insightful and I could not agree more!
@mike: Thanks for sharing mike. Yes, women and men both need to learn their own lessons in their own time. Maybe she will come around soon and maybe it will take her a longer time. Regardless just take what you could have learned from that experience and apply to further develop your own life. That is really the only thing you have control over.
@lyndon: LOL.
Hot Alpha Female
Is there a reason why I don’t really attract either? Would I just be one extreme or the other or some wierdo?
I know this was published a few months back but it all makes sense, thank you
@ducky: I don’t really understand what you are asking in your question. Rephrase it and I’ll help you out =)
Hot Alpha Female
Hello Hot Alpha female. I am going through quite alot at the moment and ive watched your videos. My girlfriend of 5 years seems to have all of these characteristics and right now we are going through a rough patch. We are both 23 and met senior year in high school. We were always very close and had purchased a home together in march of 2009. That was a mistake, we started growing apart and something serious happened so we split for 8 months. That was the hardest time of my life during those 8 months i missed her so much. We reconciled hoping to go through counseling but a year and a half after getting back together, last saturday she threw a huge tantrum at the restaurant which we just bought 6 months ago “second mistake” and she hit me. It was a mess, she would not calm down at all and I said some things about the past that I shouldn’t have I know.
A few emails have been shared back and forth ranging of how sorry she was for how she acted and she wishes for things to be good again between us. I was hurt but I was also trying to show her a lesson by ignoring her a bit. Yesterday she told me that since I changed my cellphone number that she had given hope on us and that all of the crying had made her sick. We are due to start this next semester back at the university to finish our last two years but last night she told me she registered for another school and knows what degree she wants to study. Her career path has always been on her mind she is so undecided about what she wants to do and now that we have this restaurant I am stuck here taking care of it. Theres also family pressures that have been hard to deal with.
She did not grow up with her dad in her life and I think this has a profound psychological effect on her. She has a great heart but she is sometimes lost and doesn’t know what she wants. When we spit a while back her excuse was the pretty common one “i need space to find myself”. So many relationships are ending because of this “need to find oneself”. Anyway I don’t know if to stay with her and go to counseling like she says but then again I have no trust and its hard. I am so terribly scared to let her go because I can’t picture her out of my life. She is my first love but recently there is no trust and I don’t feel appreciated. She has accepted her faults and is willing to move on but I want full commitment of change and I want her actions to change to be a mature woman. I wish she could find a friend like you to guide her because that is what she needs in her life and even her mother could use one as well. Any advice please let me know. Thank You so much
Wow..how true your article reads.
I have been in a relationship with a lovely lady in her late 20′s for almost a year now. I am a professional male who works hard and loves to treat my partner with nice dinners and romantic weekends away.
After a few months dating, she moved into my unit which is closer to her work and uni. I was happy for her to stay rent free until she paid her overseas trip debts off. I then had chat and explained to her that lets share the rent and the shopping bills. She moved out within a month saying that the unit was ‘haunted’ and that its was cheaper to move back to her mum’s. She now travels 2 hours each way to work daily on public transport.
The reason for the move eventually came out…was because I refused to be her cash cow.
I still love her but her immaturity is destroying the relationship. She got involved in a serious relationship whilst still in school to a much older man who is well off and showered her with gifts and money. But she walked out of their marriage less then a year later and getting more then half of the sale of their unit in the settlement. She balmed his partying and recreational drug taking for the failure but I have found out recently that she is in daily contact with him.
When I brough up the ex’s contact, she went off the handle and said that he was her soul mate. Its appears that through out her life, her parents have always been there to pamper and rescue her from her own mistakes. Even now, poor uni results caused by lack of self disciplined is blamed on the whole world and her parents are there to agree with her.
Its sad that an intelligent person finds it easier to run home and behave like a princess rather then stand up and be accountable for her actions.
As for our relationship, only time is going to tell…..it appears that as long as I am a cash cow and dont question her behaviour, then I am her partner.
Thanks for the great article.
I’ve been with an emotional immature woman for 12 years and I’ve constantly wondered what was wrong with her until one day I realized how immature and emotional she was towards pretty much everything in life and put those two words together in Google and got the shock of my life. My partner has many medical issues, her life revolves around her medical problems and medications, talks about it all day all night, never listens to what i have to say or goes negative on everything I say. I feel if she could realize she suffers from this emotional immaturity, and was able to stop taking the medications for her recently diagnosed adhd, paxil and clonazipam for her depression and nerves, she could possibly learn something. She is 48 years old and I am 44 years old, I’ve watched her daughter who is now 25 immature beyond her mom, my two boys grow up and move on as well. I’m stuck with a woman who I feel has the maturity level of a 16-17 year old that is at the point of breaking into that mature woman but never made it there. She was sexually abused by her uncle at a young age and she brings these up a lot to me, something she has not told anyone else. Her dad left her mom when she was 11 years old, I believe these two items really had affected her.
Since reading about emotional immaturity, I have began to second doubt myself and my 12 year relationship. I’ve been waiting so long for her to well, I guess grow up that I have put myself in a non social surrounding with her. We never do anything together anymore. she has no adult friends at all, and over the years I’ve seen to lose all mine. I feel as though I may have become more lost than her.
Needs his life back.
Russ
PS.
Oops, I forgot to thank you for the great article.
Russ
Very informative, thank you very much! I’m going through a rough period in a relationship of over 5 years that cannot handle any more disagreeing. By this article’s definition, my relationship involves me as emotionally immature and that makes me cringe to process. I feel like I have been lacking control for a while now. Some of my needs are not getting met and I cannot communicate them effectively to my partner. With that, I feel the immaturity that has developed involves the exchange between both of us. It’s been a degrading cycle in which we are both guilty. I love the person I’ve been with, but time apart is the only chance for salvation. I’d like to tell him that he’s emotionally immature as well…. hopefully he’ll figure it out during this time….
@David: You’ve been going through a tough break. Have you considered that, it may be a good thing that this girl is out of your life right now? It’s easy to think about all the “good” things that happened when you were in a relationship with her as opposed to all the things that used to drive you up the wall. What you are experiencing is normal. Grief and a sense of loss are all part of the breakup process. But the hardest part is coming to terms with the fact that it is over. I would say that this girl has been sensible in taking some time to “find herself”. Sometimes, it’s the best way anyone can describe what they need right now. And, maybe her leaving is a sign that she would like to be more emotionally mature in the future. I have a few articles I wrote on this process that may help …
3 top secrets to get you healing and happy after a breakup
http://hotalphafemale.com/2010/11/3-top-secrets-to-get-you-healing-and-happy-after-a-breakup.html
The good breakup
http://hotalphafemale.com/2008/08/all-bad-things-are-so-gooooood.html
Getting over the breakup
http://hotalphafemale.com/2008/01/get-over-it-already-breaking-up.html
These articles will help you shed some light on how to deal with your current situation
HAF
@Ferno88: Wow, she sounds like a great catch =P What I find is that most men are involved with emotionally immature women. There are more emotionally immature women than there are emotionally mature women. In saying that, dating emotionally immature women always comes at a price. Yes, you could probably still be with her. But at what price?
-Still contacting her ex
-No self discipline
-Lots of cash and holidays
-A shit fit tantrum now and then (if not more often)
-The fear she will always walk out on you etc
So, I ask you this. What is she contributing to the relationship? It’s my guess that along with all those other prices you have to pay – you are also going to need to be very strong and firm with her. IF she relies on her parents a lot, she may also be looking for a father figure in her relationship. So, I encourage you to think about it. Or better yet focus your energies on a woman who doesn’t have as bad a rap sheet.
HAF
@Russ: This is a difficult situation to be in. It appears that she has some very valid reasons for her insecurities and may need to deal with these first before she can even contemplate growing up. When she can process her past, when she can reflect and cope with it, then she will be able to move on from there. If you so choose to you can try to help her with this process. It requires firm boundaries and strength – showing her that it’s safe and that you will not leave her. If you have doubts and uncertainty, she will sense it and not fully open up to you. Alternatively, if you think you have outgrown each other it could be possible that you need to plan a future without her. It will require a lot to think about from your head and your heart.
HAF
@glitchyy: Thanks for stopping by =) I know it can be very hard to process when you relate to some of the symptoms but awareness of the first step. I can understand when you say to me, “your needs are not getting met” and when they are not the first reaction is “how can I make my partner fulfill more of my needs”. And, usually more drama occurs afterwards in trying to control and steer something in a particular direction.
The question I ask you is “how much am I fulfilling my partners needs?, Where can I give him more? What needs does HE have that are being unfulfilled?”. Now, it’s possible that your partner just isn’t the right person to fulfill your needs. It’s also possible that he has the capability to when he feels a desire to, rather than being “forced to”. I would say to have an honest, open conversation with him. About how you can help him fulfill his needs, and what they even are. You will both need to lay your swords down at the door and just have an honest conversation. No blaming. No little snide remarks to each other. You do this because you love each other and you both owe each other the gift of open lines of communication. Then after that conversation you will have more clarity on what to do next.
HAF
It’s all about the mothers. If a woman has a mother with low intelligence she will be immature. Don’t fall too deep. Just keep your head up and accept that it will end bad. don’t become financially entangled. Plan to date ahead. there may be some brief loneliness, count on that so it won’t be an issue when you break up. And when the shit does hit the fan make sure you let her know how fucked up she is and then just move on. it’s easy… just don’t respect a brat. get yours and then go about life. but it’s ok to put in effort and to have feelings. just don’t get too sappy.
In a two year relationship with a younger woman,everything great for 16months,then a goodnight from a older female best friend of 14yrs causes her to have a tantrum while on vacation,ended relationship right there,she calls her mother and wants her to drive 2hrs to pick her up cant believe man she told she will marry is ruining everything..Drive home dont speak,she says arent you going to talk to me,reiiterated this is over at your house get your stuff,get out..Family disgusted i didnt call for a day and half as she contiuely reached out,why hurt our daughter..3weeks alot of soul searching take her back dont know she has been going out with someone from work,(just a friend lol).couple of arguments get rid of the friend of 14yrs or introduce her immediately,change phone service and number,more PDA,or else..Man at work txt nonstop about doing her, mother and girlfriend well this is okay there just friends,spends time with him with friends covering,just friends, big november blowup after my change of plans finds my car in front of my female friends house,Im a liar,must be cheating,breaks up, flips out,wants me back,doesnt want me back,all my fault i didnt do everything she wants,worse thing anyone has ever done to her tells facebook,12hours later with special someone from work dating..And i was all wrong..So why do i miss her..
Tanx ur article is really an eye-opener. Keep it up
@hotalphafemale: Here is my issue and I admit right of the hop I cannot tell if she is emotionally immature, suffering from severe insecurities and low self-esteem, or of there is maybe a more severe issue at hand. My girlfriend constantly avoids getting in to relationships, even with someone she loves deeply. Everytime we get close she makes excuses and pushes away. She says things like she is afraid to settle that she is afraid that there may always be some one better out there, but she has also admitted to being afraid, of being hurt amongst other things. One minute she’ll call me her man and tell me she loves me, next minute she’ll say we’re merely “friends with beneifts” and that “she doesn’t see it going anywhere”. She’ll say she’s interested to see where it goes; where each step is going to take us, then turn around and claim she doesn’t remember saying that. Sometimes she’ll hug me very deeply and won’t let go burying her head into my chest, other times she’ll do what I call the “one armed hug”. I have noticed that when we are together she has one tone of voice and we get along great and have very lucid calm discussions, but she is around her family, her voice litteraly goes up an octave or 2 and she reverts into some sort of childlike state. She also claims she has uds(ugly suckling syndrome) and depsite other advice I have been given, she actually cannot handle being told she is beautiful, or she can handle it but not every day, and does not want to hear every day that I love her, like her disbelief fosters some sort of annoyance. I know she loves, but she has also told me she is not entirely certain what being in love feels like. Of all her past relationships, the 2nd longest one lasted only 8 months – most of them only a month or 2. her longest 3 years and 8 months, but that one was also her worst relationship too and her last serious lover. I really love this girl alot and I am a patient man – to a degree and I guess I am just wondering like I said at the beginning is this a woman who is. is emotionally immature, suffering from severe insecurities and low self-esteem, or of there is maybe a more severe issue at hand, something that may require medication and what should I do during the low points when she gets all depressive and pulling away and quiet?
Thank you
*I know she loves me
I also forgot to mention, she also constantly goes on dates even though she claims she isn’t interested in being in a relationship.
I am a 21 year old woman and I believe myself to be quite emotionally mature for my age (focused on school, on a career, moving out of my parents’ house, etc.). However, rather than being appreciated for my maturity, almost every guy I have met tells me that I need to be more “feminine” and flirty and that I “need to use my looks more to get what I want”. When I tell them that I am disgusted by women who are not mature enough to use their brains over their bodies, I am met with the response that “you can’t blame them for using something that works”. This gives me the impression that men prefer this type of woman who is not accountable for her actions and just uses them to get what she wants instead of actually caring about others. I am shocked that I am actually being ENCOURAGED to act similarly because “guys like it”. I have also been called too uptight because of my beliefs. It leaves me with the feeling that I am just socially inept because I do not behave similarly to other women, and that I do not conform to the pressure being put on me to act as such. Your article makes me feel more at ease, but there are so many people who encourage this type of female behavior and call it “being a woman” that I am not really sure who is right anymore: me or the people pressuring me? My gut tells me I’m right, but there is always a lurking doubt. Any thoughts?
@Ashe. I think you have just identified with emotionally, unenlightened, immature guys. Perhaps we need a his and hers article.
You’ve got it right, dont doubt it. You are in the minority. Just nod with a knowing smile, and look elsewhere. We are out there!
Yea my ex is the same way. God now that I’m out of it…feels like heaven. I never realized how much of abuse and trauma she was putting me thru. I was not allowed to talk to anyone about our relationship…so i was kind of unaware as to how bad she treated me.
Everything was somehow my fault and if she ever screwed up…”I must have done something to deserve it.” Constantly lying to herself. In fact she has a completely different take on things that has happened….idk how.
She in her mid 20′s right now…and saying she needs to go gain her life experience…but she’s doing it by dating other men and being a bar girl. She wont listen to me or take my advice on what to do…she has to go about it her way…but at this age…
I wonder if it even probable for her to change..
@ Matt: Oh don’t get me wrong, I haven’t “identified with emotionally, unenlightened, immature guys” if by that you mean I have been trying to date them. God no. I mean I just happen to have been around these “guys” for an extended period of time—for a variety of reasons (school, gaming, friends of friends, life in general)—and it appears that they try to press their beliefs onto me in an attempt to bring me down to their level until they feel they are, so to speak, “good enough for me”. I am only concerned because it seems that these sentiments that I expressed in my previous post are so rampantly abundant. I suppose it is just another case of the majority having the wrong ideas. How sad to think that we could live in such a world.
Sorry, I meant @ Jamie. I read the wrong post while I was typing.
hot alpha female ,I just happened to brush up on your articles on the web and found I just connected with everything you have said in your articles! I was in a relationship with my ex girlfriend for over 10 years! when I met her I was 37 she was 41 ,time is going by quickly slowly at times ! since I met her way back in 2002 she has had insecurity and jealousy issues! I confronted her and told her to knock it off! We lasted till 2003! I did not see her again for another year! she came across to me the second time is being confident no jealousy issues, no immaturity issues and no insecurity! I thought fantastic! We were just starting as friends again! Then over the following months we fell in love again! We moved together in 2006! Everything was great…till she lost her job in 2009! She has not worked si.ce! Lot of time spent at home, then the old demons started to appear again, last year! Accusing me of being unfaithful, paranoia, that I was looking at other women while went for our nightly strolls together! I warned her to stop these thoughts and tell me what was bothering her, if there was something that i could do! I understood her history! The oldest of nine children , abused physically and mentally by him, and his infidelities against her mother! Believe me I got it! This was never about me, and I told her so! That she needed at 50years of age to let it go, the anger towards her father , her childhood!! And accept who she was and that i loved only her unconditionally no matter what! That was April 8, 2011! We were happy, being spontaneous with one another, and looking forward to growing old together! August 2, 2011 her demons showed up out of nowhere, woke me up at midnight, accusing me again of being unfaithful! I was so disappointed! Then she did not get the answers she wanted then she went I.to an irrational uncontrollable rage! All the while her 7 year old niece is sleeping on our couch! She did not care! Then she started to physically to attack me, scratch, punch, hit me with a potted plant! And all the while I am reminding her that there is a little girl who is in our charge, about to be woken up! But she would not stop!!! Then she tried to bite my ear off!! And i knew that her niece was going to be exposed to this! You can bite me, hit me, throw things at me! You can’t hurt me! But she crossed the line with mested when she did this in front of her niece with no regard!! She gave me no choice!! I called the police , to calm her down , but when they saw my injuries, they arrested her and charged her with spousal abuse!! Needless to say, endless court appearances, charges being dropped, an 2 year restraining order placed against her by the district attorney, and I am at a loss, for all of this!! And I feel so guilty! We both lost out! I tried so hard, believe that, her family knows this, her grown daughters, everyone! I had no choice! It could have ended worse! 9 months later I still love her immensely, I miss her, as strange as that may sound to all of you out there, but you have not walked in my boots! I was in the United States Marine Corps for 12 years, but I never thought the biggest battle I would have was with her! And to tell you quite honestly it isn’t my war to fight! I will always love her! I just hope she realizes what I saw in her.as nd what she has yet to see within her! May God bless her! Thank you for your time and comment!
The comments above are pretty much how girls of the sort sound
They are also lacking structure
And prob had useless femnist girls growing around them
They were told with whipping back then man
Hey hot alpha female, i am from india and i am 21 years old. Looking at ur article i can say that u r a very psychological person. Recently 1 year before i met a girl whom i could not understand, as i am myself also a very psychological person but then also she was very difficult to understand for me. Then after reading ur blog i came to know that she is very immature emotionally. I am studying engineering and she also wanted to study engineering so she took advantage of me and told me that she loved me as i will be able to help her pursue her dream. Which i most definitely did and she is studying engineering now in a reputed college. She is 19 years now and is doing 1st year of her college. All these 12 months she would act strange towards me like a child and showed almost all the symptoms which you stated above. She is a heartless girl with no emotional or sexual feelings at all. And she would never get hurt or never cry because of emotional problems because she DID NOT HAVE EMOTIONAL FEELINGS AT ALL. During her childhood days till class 11 when she was about 18 years old her parents did not allow her to talk or meet any of her friends especially male ones. She was also not allowed to get out of her house. Also her parents used to beat and scold her often and she is scared of her parents till now. Whenever i wanted to talk her about love or sex as because i am her boyfriend (but i am not as because she was using me to get her work done) she would refused to talk and would hang up the phone immediately and i would get frustrated almost all the time. But i am the most trusted and liked person in her life (but she doesn’t love me BECAUSE SHE DOESN’T KNOW HOW TO LOVE YET BECAUSE SHE HAS NO EMOTIONAL OR SEXUAL FEELINGS YET) because i am the only person who understands her really well, what she needs, her feelings and can really bear tantrums and nuisance while others already gave up. Later she told me after getting into college that she lied to me about loving me and she never loved me and knew that i was the only good person who could have helped her and she eventually she would fell in love with me which she tried to do so as she herself told me this thing but she was never successful. Now she want me in her life as her best friend because she trusts me the most and likes me more than anybody else but she just simply can’t cultivate the feeling of love towards me inspite of her trying hard. And i know that she doesn’t have anybody else in her life whom she loves as she tells me everything about her and doesn’t hide anything from me. I don’t want to leave her and want her to grow up both sexually and emotionally because as a boyfriend i would really need her these kind of feelings towards me. Also it is worth notifying that she hasn’t watched a single porn till date as she didn’t get chance maybe because she was living with her parents till now or she wasn’t interested in it at all. I am not a bad guy and don’t to be one. She trusts me the most and also likes me more than anybody else but just doesn’t love me. Also she expects me to help her when time comes. She is very good girl and has a pure heart. So i don’t want to leave her and want to spend my entire life with her. I want her to emotionally and sexually grow up and want her to fall in love with me. Hot alpha female i really like your sincere effort to help others. I would be also very grateful if you will help me. I would also like to mention that she is pure vegetarian. Should ask her to eat meat or is it fine that way. I want her to grow emotionally and sexually quickly because leaving it only to a matter of time will take a long time, if she will ever be mature. I also try to make her grow up by conversating intelligently with her. I would like to know if ever will she become mature, if yes then I would like you to guide me so that i will be able to make her mature as soon as possible with your help. Looking forward for your help hot alpha female…… Yours faithfully…. Spido……
@ hot alpha female…… I would to like add 1 thing to my prior problem that when i asked my girlfriend that what is the most extreme sexual thing that you have ever felt, done or fanatised about. And she replied that sometimes i fanatise about kissing or hugging you but not more than that also she has never actually hugged or kissed me and she says she fanatises like this because of infatuation towards me and not because she loves me. She has no love like feeling towards me and definitely not towards anybody and she only trusts me and likes me the most, more than anybody else she knows. I hope that hot alpha female will be able to identify my problem really well and will be able to help me well. Thanking you once again….. Spido…….
Hey there Spido,
She sounds a lot like me, and her story sounds like a lot of what I’ve been through growing up. As someone who can somewhat relate to her, I’m going to try to give you my view of what she’s probably feeling.
You say she is in engineering. So am I. You say she was in an oppressive family atmosphere, which I can also relate to. That doesn’t make her immature. In my case, ignoring others and only talking to them for a reason like schoolwork isn’t intended to be malicious. I ignore friends and family when I need to get work done. During the school year, that’s all the time. It’s all about focusing on that distant career goal that makes it all worthwhile in my mind. As for only talking if she needs help with schoolwork: the oppressive family atmosphere may have taught her that talking without reason was bad, and she may have been discouraged from expressing her thoughts, feelings, and opinions while growing up. Such an atmosphere stunts emotional growth, and if it’s all she’s ever known, it’s unlikely she’ll grow out of it without some sort of huge wake-up call (and that wake-up call will not be induced by something as small as you just talking to her).
Her being in engineering shows she is a dedicated person, who understands the value of hard work—a gem of a person, so rare to find this day in age. That being said, engineering is also a career that is difficult to get established in. The thing that female engineers face is this: the most productive time in a career like engineering is between your 20s and 30s. However, that’s also the time when people get married. So, in order for women to be engineers, they have to sacrifice the peak dating/marriage point in their lives if they want to advance their career. This is something men don’t ever have to worry about, because they can be established in their career by 30 or 40 and have no problem searching the sea of 20 to 30 year old non-engineering women for wives. I have already made the choice to sacrifice my dating years in favor of establishing myself in a prosperous engineering career. It is a decision that someone must make early. This girl you care about may have already made the same decision, and it may have been for the same reason as mine: she already can’t relate to people emotionally, so she has the ability to concentrate on work better than most. It seems she has made a choice to focus more on her career, which leaves her with less energy to focus on much else. You shouldn’t blame her for being dedicated. You also shouldn’t push her when it’s clear she is unwilling right now to focus on anything romantic. You must be content to let her figure her life out on her own, without being rushed. She is still young, as are you. If you truly care about her, keep being patient. Deep down, she probably appreciates the patience you have shown her already where other people have not.
When my boyfriend (first and last) pushed me to make a choice between focusing 100% on my schoolwork or dividing my attention between it and him, I chose my work. I do not regret it. Do not make the same mistake he did, or you will lose her just the same.
This article was a fantastic find. Thankyou for your insight – especially how you respond differently to different men.
I’ve been searching for some answers to some problems my girlfriend and I have been having and this article really struck a chord with me. I will highlight my story for others to take note on:
I already knew she was immature in certain ways when I first met her, but it was well hidden. She was fun/friendly, outgoing and loved life, our personalities were well matched and I had a great feeling.
In short, her recent past (before I came along) was nothing short of a complete mess. Decisions she had made had massively affected her current life without her being even aware of the consequences and the desctructive potential she had built up. Friends, workplace, and family had all been affected by choices she had made. She says that I have changed her and that she wants something completely different ever since she met me (my instinct was to initially run) – and I never truly understood why or how a person could change another person so much until now.
I knew at the start of our relationship she was very impulsive and made some strange choices coupled with a communication style that was very mixed – signs of maturity and on the other hand not. On occassion she would make up little lies – when there wasn’t any need to. Then she showed a lack of self-awareness, unhealthy attachments, low self-esteem and on occassion unfiltered raw emotion. Simply put, she was still a teenager (she’s 30). It took a lot of strong talks, setting boundaries and definition (with men especially), questioning and arguing with her to make her realise certain things – boundaries, care for herself, impulse control and honesty.
I will re-enforce a point that has been mentioned before by others – she has a poor relationship with her mother in the sense that I can now see (through this article and knowing her mother) that she was/is a very poor role-model: constantly undermines her self-esteem through bad feelings; arguments with poor communication; emotional manipulation and attempting to control. Coupled with this, I can see how she never really matured – being around the wrong men and developed an unhealthy method to feel validated/accepted.
Don’t get me wrong – the situation made me insecure and for a period of time doubting myself and it has been a learning curve for me too. The solution for me was to keep believing in myself and to continue to question and make her explain her feelings.
In a way I am very lucky – she has openly admitted to acting a certain way, understands why, and is equally open in changing herself to be with me and has been very honest. So, there is hope for other people too. It’s taken 7 months to fully understand everything (as I said, it was a complete mess) and for everything to come to the surface. But I now trust her choices.
Why did I keep going and not give up? From the start I thought she was worth it (even if I didn’t understand everything) and had a “great potential” feeling. I am head over heals for her and can see a beautiful thing developing between us.
Great article.
I have always disdained and detested misbehaving women. I’m turning 30 soon so I have been at a juncture in my life which has drove me to mature immensely with my own volition and effort. This girl I thought could be dating material however still hasn’t renounced her college fun days and it’s been 3 years since she graduated. Cigs, night clubs with shady people etc. Moreover she consistently blows me off in texting. I have an iron clad rule about responses. 1 text after getting ignored. After that it’s game over.
She seemed to have a negative and cynical opinion of men too. I find that hypocritical since she voluntarily spends time with losers and decides to slap a label on the rest of us.
I think at this point in my life, I know how much choice I have. I don’t wish to be so cut throat but there is no way I’m handing over the power to an unworthy woman.
Very Good Article,
My fiancee and I love blogs like this. My experience as a Psychologist and mature man has taught me some interesting things about maturity. Just for fun, take a look below:
1- Tolerating immaturity in in others is often a function of our own immaturity,
2- Maturity is often relative to what we expect of others. So, the higher your expectation, the higher you should aim in your friend selection.
3- No matter how mature we think we are, someone in the relational universe can see some degree of our immaturity, namely older and more mature people.
4- We don’t see the world the way it actually is, we see the world the way WE ARE. So, if you find that you are really really good at spotting immaturity in others, then, the immaturity may actually be within.
5- Mature people attract mature people, and set standards for immature people. In this phenomenon, immature people will actually change their behaviors, ways of thinking, and choices when they are around mature people.
6. Last, H.A.F. was absolutely right in one of her articles when she pointed out that women (namely those who exhibit immature behavior) typically change how they behave when they are around a mature man with presence.
Enjoy life
are all chinese women like this, totally immature? i read this and when i did i was like OMG this is my wife… finally after a year and a half of hell living with here up and down up and down, she does things at a 100 miles an hour, i constalty tell her to slow down and be careful, she breaks things all the time cos she is just not carefull and blames everyrthing she does wrong on anything …. every day goes like this. i get up in the morning she is already up, i goto the toilet she goes into the room and shuts the door and lays in bed with her laptop talking to people and posting on forums…. all day… she comes out for food, toliet and drinks. i am sitting in the lounge room the main room of the house on the tv or computer, she never says hello, never starts a conversation never talks to me UNLESS she is asking for something….. and sex… what a joke, no matter how hard i try she manages to push me away and have me thinking omg this has been going on for days… weeeks…. its always something….. she does not say goodnight when goiign to bed. i see her out of the corner of my eye just sneak into the bedroom. anything to avoid me and have sex…i am so sick and tired of her crap and thats not even the start… initially i was looking after her 18 month old geting up at night and every morning, even some mornings i wwould get up and take her to child care cos my wife was just lazy staying up all nighy on her pc … i really have no idea whats going on . for 2 months now i ask where is your wedding ring, she says i dont ware it cos i ahve to do so much etc etc….. what the hell? im sick of her lies….. i have dated many chinese women and all of them are crazy immature nutcases and when i met my wife she was soooooo nice…. now she is the bitch from hell. ….. if i try and talk to her about anything it ends up with her raising her voice talking to me in a tone of voice i really dont like and looks at me like she is going to kill me….. then walks off slamming doors when i try to talk to her. once she just stood there slamming the door over and over again. she has punched a hole in the wall, she has thrown her laptop on the floor then sad you are making me angry look at what you made me do.
this is what i live with every day…. please can someone help me i am beggin you.
I found the artical interesting. I was dealing with alot of unwanted emotions and feelings and found it really difficult to stay in a commited relatiosnhip. When i found out from my therapist that some of my emotions weren’t fully developed I could work on them. for me i think it was phyical abuse as a child and emotional negelect.
Remember the woman with these emotions are usually suffering, and it’s generally not there fault. You can date a woman like this, she just has to realise what is wrong and work on it
Sounds like you are an insecure little boy
WOW! let me tell you this is so dead on! I too use my dating experiences to grow and learn. That is what life is all about. I have been immature and still have a lot of work to do as well, but I have gone a far far far way in that I am very happy and content in life.
In walks an Italian Stalin imported directly from south Italy. I had to have her. At first she seemed smart and funny and intelligent. But it ended in jealous, hanging the phone up in my face on many occasions, saying “watch your back” – which is never a good thing coming from a woman from south Italy, cursing at me when in anger, disregarding my feelings, refusal to “make things better together since its always my fault”, never telling me she loved me or at the least missed me, never said my name unless necessary, never remembered by birthday, and more.
Back tracking I saw some of the signs mentioned in this article and comments as well. She was unbelievable attractive. No matter where we went heads would turn. Digging deeper I found out that men would always cater to her even at a younger age. Her family knew this as well. Men would treat her (in the past) like a trophy. Her wrapper was sweeter than the candy itself. She was used to the money, fast cars, travel, etc…
And from what she told me they either left or straight cheated on her. She always went for the bad boys. I used to be one – but again matured a lot so I would treat her with respect and would never supplicate to her based on “duty”.
She was a classic narcissist in ways and would never meet in the middle. In arguments or when things didn’t go her way she would say its my “fault”. “you should know without me telling you”, or “you should know how to fix this”. Any attempts to reason were futile. It was only met with dirty looks, as if I were speaking a foreign language from the planet Snicker-doodle.
This is not a character assassination in no way. I am only pointing out the little things that added up. Be aware and recognize these things! This article is right. Know thyself. Do not settle. I have no problem getting “international model” types. But you get the thorns with the rose if you know what I mean. If you are looking for fun, go for it. If you want more substance then do like me and look for the best balance possible. No one is 100% perfect. But it boils down to a desire and willingness for both people to be “a better person”.
Breaking up hurts, but pain is temporary. I’ve always heard (wise) women say, “You are always going to find someone [better]“. And this is true. One door closes and another opens. The trick is to take those lessons with you in the next relationship. You wouldn’t sail your boat without a sail would you? So why would you do that in a relationship.
I loved this one, despite the flaws. But there was only so much I could take before being pushed away. Shes now living back and forth with her daughter, ex husband and men “who just want to be friends” types. Shes has no means to support herself at the moment. I was in my early 30s and she was in her early 40s (10 yr gap). I wish her well. The behavior has made her so physically unattractive to me to the point of nausea. I would not take her back unless she got some serious counseling. This proves that true attraction is not dependent on his/her looks.
And I am glad I dodged a bullet and waited to move in with her.
So fellas out there going through tough times, just remember – Knowledge is power. Use the Power to find healthy, positive, fulfilling relationships. If it’s draining you – TALK! If it’s useless – WALK! Don’t be stuck on or in stupid. Know your SELF WORTH (and if you don’t, work on it TODAY! otherwise you’ll be doing the same things over and over again). Then finally, find someone who values you for who you are, not what you do for them (whether monetary, emotional, etc…because no matter what you do it will NEVER be enough. I mean NEVER! EVER! EVER!)
Hi I’m Rick ,,, I been with a emotionally immature woman for over a year now and I just recently broke up with her cause I caught her in a lie about cheating on me ,,,with a co worker ,,, also her x and I have caught her on her cell phone and asked her to see who she was texting and she almost fought me for her phone ,,,,n refused to give it to me ,,, she also lies about small stuff ,,,she also tried to call me insecure and it was a turn off cause i needed to check her phone ,, even tho she got caught ,,, and gave me reason to think she was doin something ,, she does not bring anything to the table but I loved her and never did her wrong ,,,like her ex boyfriends did in the past ,,, I made her my woman instead of a play toy ,,, we have a age difference ,, she is 23 I’m 31,,, ,,, I see something different in her and thought she deserved better than them ,,, and was trying to give her a real relationship because her ex s never gave her a shot ,,, I was wondering if I she can ever change ??? I feel that I have to Leave her for good to change her ,,, cause it seems when we break up n get back she goes back to same thing ,, n now she says I can c her phone now and she will change after 3 weeks lol she has email too that she does not think I kno about ,,,, is she just not for me ,, am I waisting time ,,, or if I leave her will she stay lost or keep dealing with dirt bags ,,,
John- This really hit home with me.. I just went through a break up with a woman who I had deep feelings for, but the same exact behavior you experienced with your Italian beauty, I saw in my ex. Its emotionally draining, its as bad, if not wore, than physical abuse. These types of women have no insight on their actions or behavior and honestly can only get better without years of therapy. I did care about her a whole lot, but there is really only so much a guy can take before being pushed away. Also, trying to explain how her behavior is affecting you is like trying to teach a dog to talk; it will never register to her. So, I made what I believe is the best decision for me and have cut all contact with her. Do I still think about her? Yeah. But deep down I know that I could not tolerate her childish behavior.
Its always good to hear similar stories from other people out there. Thanks for the comments.
Nick
I am married to one and have 4 and 5 year old. I have become a father to her instead of a husband cause she is completely helpless in understanding anything. Took me 3rd year in relationship that she is smart, intelligent but she does not comprehend anything that a mature male or female would.
And I am understanding of that. Its a great thing that I have never been a guy that needs a woman or sexuality. But I would never devorce her cause the only men she will end up with or have her would be ones that want her very HOT looks. I could easly devorce and take kids from her if was not for fact she and them have the mother and child bond. Just she has no reasoning on how raise them. I have assumed that role. Both are excelling in school and sociayl now and I don’t concider my wife at all. She been seduced and banged many times by men of low integerty but great looks and money. As for me. I not much on being with others in this 9 year marriage due to fact I have way to much integrety and coach my kids to have same so when there of age they will be emotional mature and know losers by there integerty not by there words, looks or money. Which is easy to spot if you have it.
Wow I’m very impressed; this whole page fits my wife to a capital T. I unfortunately didn’t know nor understand this about my wife until we had our first son. We have had unspeakable turbulence in our marriage to say the least and I feel I am at a complete loss as to what to say to make things blossom and grow between us. She’s 6 and half years older than me (I’m 25) and I have word for word said “I get so sick of arguing with you! You’re like a 16 year old in a 30 year old’s body!” I’m completely stunned as to how dead-on this page is. My wife and I have been together for about 6 years and we’ve been married for about 4 and a half years. In my frustration I’ve felt like I’m dealing with a teenager. Mind you when I met my wife before we were married she seemed very independent. She worked a full time job, she paid her own rent she seemed very self-disciplined and organized. Then there were certain things like her walking in on me in the bathroom on PURPOSE and I was just shocked. She would constantly bring up her first boyfriend or her last boyfriend. She has even compared me to a guy she dated in her late teenage years and I thought nothing of it. Not to mention she was 26 when I first met her and she was still getting help from her parents who seemed very irritated and angry with her but then again her mother didn’t show herself to be very mature either. I really thought these were things that would pass with time but I feel like it’s draining so much out of me that I feel like I’m rearing a wife instead of growing with one. I thought with the age gap of her being older that an immaturity problem on her part would be virtually non-existent (please mind you I was only 20 when we met!); boy was I wrong. Thank you for this article I found it very, very helpful!
You forgot to mention that they crave hot, ivory load squirting man-root!
This was a very helpful article.
I can totally relate to it.
I am a 32 year old quite attractive female, or at least have been told so.
I have acknowledged that I am not emotionally as mature as I thought I was and it creates problems in my relationships with men.
At the same time, it is hard to grow and change yourself when men around you aren’t very mature either.
So that is my problem and question – even if I work on myself to becoming more mature, then where to get the strength and patience to wait and hope for the men to become mature also?
It is extremely hard and frustrating when the other side is not responding the way you would hope for and you feel hurt and just want to pull back or throw a tantrum which I know will only make things worse again?
It seems that men want to provoke women to become over-emotional, so that they can point the finger to us and blame us for being a bitch!!!
I guess I am not there yet.
I understand that my happiness should not depend on other people, specially men, but I still think that every person desires to feel loved and understood and accepted as they are.
So many times when you try to talk to a guy about something that bothers you, even if you approach it very carefully, the guys will act like they are not interested and pull back which then hurts even more.
Is it too much to ask for some support at least and understanding – I am sry you feel this way, what can I do to change that?
So many times people just want to be heard and to know that their feelings count and are taken under consideration.
I guess men and women have different needs.
Maybe men don’t have the need to be heard, or they don’t realize it and it’s easier for them to pretend like everything is ok.
Men may not go nuts on you and get all emotional, but I don’t think that pulling away and ignoring other people and not talking about things that bother you, is very mature and healthy either.
Just like we women justify our crazy behaviour with being females and on PMS, men justify their emotional unavailability with being males
How to break through that cycle?
It would seem very likely that these men who enter relationships with emotionally immature women were measuring the worth of these women on more superficial things like beauty, profession or educational background, which is an immature thing to do in the first place. They did not notice that they are diving head first in a pool full of acid because they are so numb to the reality of how the individual behaves. The signs were there in the beginning, but they chose to overlook it. Then they blame her for being herself. Go figure.
I would also like to add that while some people may see me in general as ‘immature’, there are others who think I am very mature. It really depends on the person. Perceptions of who is emotionally ‘mature’ vary from person to person and what fits into their frame of reference. One girl I knew was upset that someone had called her out for acting immature. Just because she is a working professional with her own mortgage and a masters degree doesn’t mean she should stalk her ex and treat the people she loves like a punching bag when she cannot get something she wants. But when I explained this to her, she tells me that being a professional or having certain status is the claim to maturity; that you would have to be a mature person to achieve these goals. However, the single 32 year old woman that still lives with her parents and chooses takes the bus to work may be more ‘mature’ than her because she can cope with reality more than the professional ‘woman-child’.
From my perspective, I think people who have immature traits but acknowledge them and try to fix them are probably more mature than people who use the subject of maturity or lack of to project their problems in their relationship on someone else. Also, emotional ‘maturity’ doesn’t guarantee that there won’t be any other problems. You could end up with someone who is ‘mature’, but still cannot satisfy your emotional or intellectual needs. Then there are those who simply thrive in these kind of relationships. Lord only knows why. But they are out there, coddling the most infantile attributes of the ‘woman-child.’
As for myself, I have dated men who were emotionally ‘mature’ and emotional roller coasters and while I am glad for the experience, I still long for the excitement of a heated argument and the hot make-up sex that comes with the more hard to understand, difficult men.
Wow. Dead on truth. Question is…will my emotionally immature girlfriend respond well if I send her this link?
First, I want to say that I have never posted on an online blog before in my life. The reason why I am posting now is because I am going through this in my present relationship. This information is right on time and well articulated.
Although I wouldn’t make any hasty decisions based off what I read it has helped tremendously put my current situation into perspective.
Thanks.
I am diagnosed with Borderline Personality Order/ and Histrionic Personality Disorder. I was diagnosed in 1st grade with emotional immaturity.
However, my mother doesn’t exhibit low intelligence at all. My mother does suffer from Bi-Polar disorder, and is an accountant. My father is emotionally unavailable, and always has been. He is the C.E.O of a Fortune 500 company.
I was touched inappropriately as a child, and raped at 17. I still feel stuck in my teenage years. I recognize this. I am currently on medication, and in therapy.
I may be 29, listen to Justin Bieber and be completely emotionally immature and ridiculously spoiled.
I most definitely do not suffer from any form of low intelligence. I’m actually am a member of MENSA.. Pretty sure this dates back to traumatic incidents I’ve gone through in my life. Nature vs. Nurture people.
I’m engaged to to a patient, loving, understand man.
Also, to anyone telling people to run from someone like me……Just remember
“I’m selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.”
? Marilyn Monroe
Wow I am so happy I found this, my “ex” who I was with on and off for 5 years (BTW we are both early 20s) is exactly like this very dramatic, unpredictable, selfish, ungrateful, doesn’t really care about sex, one minute she loves me next minute she doesn’t, always lying about tiny things that don’t even matter etc. The only reason why I have put up with it for so long is because she was my first love and she’s extremely hot, but I can no longer accept this for myself. She always breaks up with me making up any excuse and comes back to me, and like the fool I was, I always took her back, even though she was never apologetic or admitted to any wrong doing.
Fuck that! No more coming back for her this time I deserve better. (Bear in mind I attempted suicide over this girl and I haven’t told ANYBODY). Fuck her expecting me to be there for because she hasn’t been there for me once. There is no solution to “curing” her and it’s not my responsibility anyway. From now on I only date alpha females who actually appreciate a real mans efforts, I wonder if an alpha chick is more likely to dominate me in the bedroom too lol thats sexy. Perhaps when i’m an old rich man I can be a sugar daddy to an emotionally immature girl lol. Anyway for now I plan to get in the gym and become professionally successful, I will become the kind of man that demands respect. Peace out everyone and to my men do not settle for emotionally immature women, you will waste a lifetime and we only get one chance at life.
Actually in contradiction to what I just commented, I will not make any rash decision but I will use this information to my advantage and not take her so seriously. The girl is just too hot and nobody walking on earth is perfect (call me shallow if you like but thats the way it has to be lol) Probably when I achieve my goals of becoming muscular and rich I will leave her (Karmas a bitch). However I still advise all men to leave these emotionally immature girls alone!!
This article sounds like it just came from an ex’s mouth. Its funny how lots of men are saying they can relate seems like that’s how they see women but what they fail to see is their own behaviour. I don’t agree with this article one bit women are women they aren’t supposed to be like men. it annoys me when I see women who portray this fake image of being cool headed and laid back what a load!. I am just like this..when I am being messed with and treated wrong. The guy I liked lead me on strung me along but didn’t deal with the consequences. Broke promises, lied, insulted me. We never were together but he knew I wanted to be. He wouldn’t be with me but he’d know just what to say and how to act to make me stay. I have never met anyone who made me act so crazy and that was the point. He never did the calling, or nothing but he’s claim so much with his words he did that so he wouldn’t be blamed that’s immature to me. he’d turn it round on me and be like well you came to me. and its like yeah and you responded?
These types of guys act like they don’t give a shit and treat you like shit. They can be real sweet too. He would make me feel immature for not wanting to have sex until I was comfortable with him. He just thought he had my feelings and could demand sex. I am an emotionally immature women if that’s what that behaviour is labelled on. Yeah im gonna get crazy if you dangle what I want in front of my face and never give it me I wanted love and respect. He used to belittle everything about me he made every achievement of mine feel inferior that makes people act crazy. you wana see the good side of a woman then treat her good. This is done by being true about how you feel with a woman, honest, do what you said you was going to do, treat her with respect, make her laugh, encourage her, support her and LISTEN to her. To me being clear and no mixed messages is the best way. Men seem to have this bad habit of giving hints I prefer a very upfront message that cannot be questioned in anyway. It stops any crazy behaviour because its clear. oh and heartbreak can make a woman crazy too so take that into account. Too many arrogant men label women has crazy and ”emotionally immature” but fail to look at themselves.
I wanted a man who I could trust, who wouldn’t ridicule me, who would treat me with respect and kindness, who understood me, accepted me flaws and all. Sick of meeting men with these stupidly high standards thinking they can look down on everybody. if your looking down on somebody why do you even expect to bring anything good out of her.