Misconceptions of the Alpha Male!
When learning how to develop attraction with a woman, one of the first things that you are told is to learn to develop Alpha Male characteristics or become the ultimate alpha man.
And then usually the description you will here will be the antithesis of everything that a Beta Male represents. Therefore you hear that an Alpha Male is the exact opposite of a man that is wussy, approval seeking, predictable, needy, indecisive and uncertain about himself and the experiences around him.
So does that really mean that an Alpha Male is unpredictable, strongly dominant, a risk taker, outspoken and loves the centre of attention?
I think that there is a huge risk is assuming that an Alpha is just the pure opposite to a Beta male. Especially since there is only a small minority of people who could really be classified an ultra Alpha and ultra Beta. Majority of people are on a medium of this scale. The risk also comes from the fact that to truly create and maintain interest with a woman, one must display certain Alpha (dominance, leadership, assertiveness) and certain Beta characteristics (compassion, empathy, understanding, supportiveness). One must learn to appreciate both.
I was reading an article on askmen.com by Ross Jefferies who gave me inspiration from this post. Here is what he says …
“When you can make women feel both listened to and led, both recognized and guided , then you will carry a “vibe” about you that no busting, sarcastic, “Alpha” loudmouth could ever even hope to imitate, much less realize and enjoy.”
To which I was reading in eager excitement! Because it is so irrevocably true. This is, I believe the missing piece of the puzzle. The one thing that ties all things to together.
See for a while it really did baffle me. This idea of this super dominant male and this idea of the beta male. Because as a woman, I could see that each has their own things to offer. Each had characteristics which I was attracted to. But Jefferies just tied the knot for me, in my mind for you too.
Because it’s that mixture of the hardness and the softness, that dynamic combination in a man, that really turns her on. Hey if a man is being hard and dominant all the time – its going to be quite unsettling for a woman. She isn’t going to feel understood and truly visible and expressive of her true emotions to him. And if he is being soft and gentle all the time, then she also isn’t going to be able to experience herself fully. Because she doesn’t feel like she can let it all out “without hurting your feelings”.
Therefore a woman will be most attracted to the man which she feels she can most fully experience herself with. The good, the bad, the light the dark, the happy, the sad, the deep, the shallow, the nice and the slutty.
Yes an alpha man does have a certain finesse about him. So let’s talk about some of those things that a true Alpha Male does. Lets help you find that perfect “unlocking” combination which not only attracts women, but magnetizes everyone towards you. Lets talk about a way in which you can learn to “be” and “become” a man that attracts a woman through his presence. Let’s see how you can develop certain characteristics of your personality so that they will become a natural extension of who you are, so that you can simply “be” rather than “think” or “act”. Let your presence, do all the speaking for you. Let your presence, create all the attraction for you. Let your presence, magnetize the people and opportunities you wish to attract.
1) A true leader
So the first thing that comes to my mind, when I think about an Alpha Male is this idea of dominance. This idea of leadership and assertiveness. Its not in the way that many of you may be thinking. I actually believe Alpha Males are a lot more commanding in their presence than they are with their mouth. Alpha Males are not necessarily the loudest guy in the room, the one with the most to prove, but he is the one that when he speaks, has an audience that is willing to listen. He is the one that “people” go to, because its “his” opinion which is the one that counts. In other words, he leads and commands the respect of the room.
And that is truly what a leader is. A truly great leader isn’t someone who just tells you what to do. A true leader is one whom you trust, listen to and respect. One in which part of you admires. So how does he display this dominance. He could do this in a number of ways which he can demonstrate this which includes, directing the conversation, asking questions, doing things on his terms (at his convenience), moving with intent and purpose, communicating in ways that are magnetic and powerful (through body language and tone of voice) and very aware of personal space and ignoring its boundaries (touching them when communicating to them, positioning themselves closer to someone) and so on.
Now here is the tricky part.
2) Listen and Responds
A true Alpha Male has the ability to listen and respond in equal proportions to his ability to lead and dominate! This is where this balance and finesse comes in. And this is how he can earn the respect, admiration and attention of the people around him, because he can presently and actively engage them in any moment. And these people can and will feel his “presence” while conversing or being around him.
That’s what makes him magnetic. And that’s what makes him attractive to women.
3) Devoid of any approval seeking behavior
And now here is another. He is completely devoid of any approval seeking behavior. He has a strong sense of self, that is not dependent on the opinion of others. This can sometimes be seen and termed as confidence, but it is so much more than this. Confidence can sometimes be faked. True self assurance cannot. This also enables him to truly do that which he desires. He takes in information from other people, their opinions, and their actions but ultimately will come to his own conclusions. And most of the time these conclusions can be directly in contrast to the opinion that he was presented in. This isn’t about always being right. This is about being rebellious or disagreeable. Its about the fact that he truly deems his conclusions more important than any one else’s. This communicates a sense of autonomy and independence. Which in turn communicates strength in character. And it is in this way that Alpha Men, draw a following for those that want to be lead. And all women want to be led. Hell even a lot of men want to be led.
4) Values his opinion higher than any other
Now here is the third and favorite thing he does. He says it how it is. He isn’t afraid to speak his mind. He isn’t afraid to express his opinion. He isn’t afraid of stepping on someone’s toes. He is going to call out a shit test when he wants to. He is going to call out the bullshit that you don’t even recognise. In fact he probably expects a lot of bullshit from people’s mouth and know exactly how to deal with it. He is going to tell you the truth. When he feels like telling you the truth, which most of the time will be in that moment and he will not make any apologies for it. And it will be insightful and it will be brutally honest. This is what women appreciate. Because she goes around in her day to day experience with her friends, co-workers and family, dishing out bullshit, shit tests, brattiness because she gets away with it all the time. In fact for her its a tried and proven method. Its work for her time and time again. So here comes this guy who calls her out on her bullshit INSTANTLY. Maybe it was something that she said, maybe it was something that she did, but the end result is the same. She is either gobsmacked, or she is incredibly impressed, if not both. And she won’t know exactly what to do. One because she didn’t realise how much bullshit has seeped into her life and two because she so rarely, ever, gets called out on it. So now here is guy who seems, calm, relaxed and who can see her for who she really is, or at least a part of her that no other man or person has been so quickly able to identify.
And that is why an Alpha Male is so attractive to the opposite sex. Because the sense of who he is and how he behaves, triggers multiple attraction points in a woman that put her at “his” very whim. But that’s where she wants to be anyway.
So learn to become the true man which allows her to experience herself as a true woman.
Hot Alpha Female



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Great post. All of this is totally on point.
The way the community paints a picture of the “alpha male” is in fact a portrait of an immature masculine man. What you’ve outlined here is a portrait of a mature masculine man.
He’s generative, meaning, through his leadership he seeks to build others up rather than bring them down. He understands that being a mature masculine man is about filling a role rather than believing he IS the role itself. (i.e. a King realizing that his Kingship is not about him, instead he is about the Kingship. When he dies, another King will fill his shoes and the process will continue into perpetuity).
He’s courageous and authentic. He speaks his mind honestly, even if honesty will garner the disapproval of others.
He has a sharp mind, and is able to discern Truth from falsehood, and when he does he does not hold back this wisdom from others. He uses it to bring out the best in others.
He’s a lover, and because of this he has a powerful sense of empathy. This empathy serves him well in being able to connect authentically with others (through appreciation, listening, understanding, support, etc.).
I highly recommend you check out the book King Warrior Magician Lover by Robert Moore if you haven’t done so already. It’s awesome.
Keep pumping out the great content!
Any man who actually displays the aforementioned Beta characteristics (compassion, empathy, understanding, supportiveness) around a woman will suffer for it.
Don’t believe me guys?
Try it for yourself. Cultivate these characteristics in yourself. Wear your heart on your sleeve. Be vunerable around women. See where it gets you!
@ Workshy – Those are not “beta” characteristics. Beta is when those characteristics come from a place of outcome attachment or seeking approval. A true alpha displays those characteristics because that’s just who he is. There’s a big difference, and women can tell the difference.
@Rahul B: I agree with many of the things that you stated in your first comment! The qualities that you mentioned are all traits if cultivated can make a very attractive man! I will definately get onto that book, I haven’t actually heard of it, but it sounds interesting!
@Workshy: Compassion, empathy and understanding are qualities which a strong man must possess, in order to maintain an intimate and romantic relationship. It will enable him to more fully connect with this woman. Of course display of pure compassion, empathy and understanding without anything else, will most likely result in a woman considering you as a friend, because she will not feel attracted to you.
A man must first and foremost demonstrate, leadership, strength and presence. This backed up with a certain empathy and understanding of the woman, helps her feel special and important to him. When the both of these work together the woman gets a more expansive experience of feeling safe, protected and trusting of this man. She feels she can rely on him to lead and therefore is more willing to let her guard down. But remember there must be a combination of these two core traits and they must work in unison together.
@ Rahul B: Yes! You are right on! A woman can tell when he is faking something. Whether he truly is an alpha male with oozing inner confidence or whether he is just pretending to be one. Most women won’t be able to logically describe why they feel the way they feel, but usually they will end up feeling “not quite right” about a certain guy. This feeling is actually their subconscious/intuition picking up an in-congruence between what he saying and how he is behaving or an in-congruence of another kind.
There is a huge difference between “doing” and truly “being”.
Hot Alpha Female
*clap clap*
@fathamburger: So you going to be the next alpha? lol
Hot Alpha Female
I agree that the dualistic alpha-versus-beta approach is flawed, but it’s a useful starting point for most readers in the game-sphere, the vast majority of whom are, to put it gently, clueless.
The best summary I’ve seen appears on this little-known but beautifully written blog:
part 1:
http://hvren.wordpress.com/2010/06/24/to-whatever-self-be-true/
part 2:
http://hvren.wordpress.com/2010/07/08/to-whatever-self-be-true-part-2/
part 3:
http://hvren.wordpress.com/2010/07/11/to-whatever-self-be-true-part-3-the-formula/
It’s very well done, and, until I read yours, also the only piece I’ve seen that achieves the proper balance.
@dames jean: These are some fabulous links here, which I will probably make some posts on in the future! Thanks for sharing them =)
Hot Alpha Female
I really love this website. I am an AF. I hate saying that because its a title a lot of women claim, but 90% of women and men are Beta. I’ve read that women usually end up as AF because they exposed to more testosterone in the womb. If your ring fingers are a bit longer than you index fingers it means more testosterone. This is also true for AM. Beta females, and Beta men tend to have equal length ring and index fingers. Very feminine women have much shorter ring fingers. AF can experience both male and female tendencies, but often project masculine attributes because there isn’t enough masculine energy around to force out her feminine energy.
I’ve noticed this about myself. Alpha definitely recognizes Alpha. Men and women who are natural alphas know it, and have always been aware of it. Game and PUA betas will never make it to alpha status. They can only aspire to greater beta, which would translate as alpha to a normal beta woman. People keep saying that Alpha Male/Beta Female couples are ideal, but I don’t think they are. Alpha men tend to cheat on Beta women because they do not pose a challenge or a threat. AFs can give AM loyalty and devotion that Beta women can’t. Most game blogs/PUA blogs are written by betas for betas. No natural alpha is online. They just aren’t. Also, they don’t sleep around with easy bar girls. These men (like the one pictured above) only fuck women on their levels.
I laugh at PUAs and game blogs because its like a gay man trying to tell other gay men what it feels like to be a heterosexual male. You can study it over and over again, but a gay man will never experience women like a straight male does.
Also, natural AM don’t try to “out alpha” other AM. There is a respect for other Alphas. Only try hard men try to out alpha other men. Daniel Craig and George Clooney would probably be friends. Alphas have an intimidating energy about them. I know I feel it. I can sense another Alpha personality and I can distinguish them from the posers. Little do they know that. Natural alphas laugh at PUA and gamers.
Lastly, I feel like I am just now hitting my peak years in my early 20′s. Before now, Ive been pretty much heterosexual tomboy, but my femininity is just bursting through. I wonder if this is true for other alpha women.
I am new to this website. I am an AF and have always known that I have a very strong, dominate personality, but never really put a name to it- I actually thought there was something wrong with me as well as the men I have been with who always call me a psycho or a nutcase!!
I too grew up a tomboy and was always attracted to bad boys. They were never really bad boys but wanna be’s! I recently started googling alpha males and alpha females since I met an AM (20 years my junior) but I find myself wildly attracted to him and couldn’t pinpoint why- again feeling like something is wrong with me… I finally figured it out. We’re both true alphas. I have been single for several years now because I get so bored with the men I meet. It is only a matter of time before I have totally dominated them (or they are cheaters). I have to have a man that will lead me naturally and keep me from controlling him. I don’t respect a man I can control.
I totally agree with Quinn on every aspect of what she wrote. I am happy to see that I am not alone, now I’d like to meet an AM that is closer to my age. I am 44 and this AM I know is only 20 (sucks!!!). I never meet true alphas unless they are already taken. That’s even very rare.
Well thanks for the posts and any feedback you might want to give on finding my AM:)
@Quinn: I appreciate your comment, there were some insightful things that you mentioned in there. I believe with Alpha’s that when they do meet each other they have a shared mutual respect for one another because they know how rare it is to meet someone who in some ways is so similar. You have a unique and shared understanding of each other and in that way feel completely comfortable and some what relieved that someone can truly relate to how you experience the world. In terms of your comment of femininity I would say allow yourself to explore that because there is this untapped beautiful strength and vulnerability found there. I also started to learn that in my late teens and early 20s and I still think that there is a whole lot to explore. Thanks for stopping by.
@Roni: Glad to have your here. In terms of finding your AM, while they are rare remember that you only need one! I think the most important thing is to continue to believe that the complete Package that you are looking for, is out there. While you are very specific on what you are looking for still allow room for keeping an open mind about men and having a neutral or positive stance on how you feel about them whether they are Alpha or Beta.
Thanks for stopping by girls,
HAF
Great post. In fact I would say the modern concept of Alpha Male is a creation of neurotic human beings and not even a real thing.
There is no such thing as a strict alpha male. A leader has to be flexible enough to be lead when it’s needed. No one is the expert in everything. He also needs to be flexible enough to go from being firm to being soft and compassionate.
How many men do you know who have the above qualities. Very rare actually.
There are plenty of rigid tyrant or tough types. But that’s just a house of glass.
Emotionally healthy man would probably be a more true term.
alpha/beta, what a pile of bullshit. All the world is a stage and women are superficial, most are not even able to tell the difference between a smart man and a stupid man. Women mostly only care about money and looks not beta/alpha roleplaying games.
There is no such thing as a dominant female. “ALpha females” are in denial of the fact that they want to be dominated by a man and only a submissive man would want a bitch like that around.
All these labels are manmade bullshit that have nothing to do with science.
We live in a fucked up society if men have to read books and websites to pick up bitches.
Women generally decide in 5 seconds whether a man is fuckable or not and the only thing that can change the whores mind is money.
So Joe Blow – how’s that attitude working for you?
Wow, joeblow, bitter much?
That’s the thing, since you are not alpha, you will never understand.
A true alpha male will only be happy and content with a true alpha female and vice versa.
Both need to be challenged and both like the challenge.
Yes, they butt heads alot, but without it, the power struggle would end and the other gets bored.
That is why AF will instantly spot a AM.
It is a balancing act, both have to take turns in giving in, but not let their guard down.
There are a lot of fake AM-s around. A true AM never goes around trying to show off or be on top.
But his presence demands respect. He will not deal with ignorant people. He has self-control, he never gets violent. But he is ready to protect his family and friends no matter what.
He will stay by his family’s side and is loyal and determined.
He will love the woman unconditionally if he gets back the same loyalty and strength.