I’m Only High Maintenance When You Don’t Maintain Me!
Well that sounds like a completely bratty statement doesn’t it? And you want to know the truth? Well the truth is, this phrase “I’m only high maintenance, if you don’t maintain me” came out of my mouth whilst talking to a friend recently. And it’s my guess women would admit this, if they really understood how perfectly it surmised how they felt.
So let me break it down for you guys. Let me show you: what this really means, how you can overcome it, and how to apply it. I will show you a proactive approach, which will minimize the level of drama, testing, and needy behavior with ANY woman.
Now I can’t attribute this theory entirely to myself. In fact this theory is dedicated to a man who actually has real time experience of how low maintenance women can truly be. This is dedicated to a man who actually finds it amusing to see other men around him being constantly tested. He is incredibly insightful and in the near future I may steal him for an interview to pick his brains and share it with you guys.
So what is this theory? If you are truly able to give a woman what she “needs” rather than what she says she “wants” you can proactively bypass and predict any shit tests or drama that she may be giving you.
So what does a woman really need? Well, I can tell you right now all women want “security”.
First and foremost, they want to feel safe and protected above anything else.
This is something built into a woman’s biological brain which, no amount of logical rationalizing can ever dissipate. The reason for this is because the human evolution of the brain has not developed as rapidly as the changing social conditions which are currently being experienced.
How is security communicated?
Well the tricky part is that it’s communicated in a number of different ways which are dependant on the various ways a woman can feel threatened. For example a woman can feel physically threatened. She can feel emotionally threatened. She can feel a threat to her sense of self. She can feel a threat to the relationship. All of which ignites a feeling of insecurity within her.
So, when a woman feels threatened in any one of these areas, it causes her to act differently. Its these insecurities which are the reason for: jealousy to spark, questions about the health of your relationship igniting and irritability and sadness overcoming her.
If you truly want to become a real man, then you must learn to recognize the “cause” (threats to self, relationship) of her “symptoms” (drama, moodiness and insecurity).
If you can learn how to go to the “root” of the problem, handle it immediately when it shows up, or anticipate a woman’s need to vent or express certain things on a daily basis, then you can minimize her dramatic behavior.
When you are anticipating a woman’s emotional needs, giving her the opportunity to express all of them, then you can avoid arguments because you are continually
releasing any pressure that would allow them to blow up.
So, here is an example.
I want you to think of a car. Let’s say you drive this car around all day long. You drive it to work. You drive it around on the weekends. You use it every day. And it works just fine. Now let’s fast forward a year. And let’s say that for this past year, you didn’t spend anytime maintaining it. You didn’t clean it. You didn’t do an oil change. You didn’t put clean fuel into it.
How do you think your car will look now? Do you think that it will be running as smoothly or looking as good? Or, do you think by now: it’s probably making a few more noises than it should, using more fuel to give you less power, and maybe even breaking down occasionally.
Now let’s fast forward 5 years. Let’s say that you didn’t do any maintenance on this car. Let’s say all your did was put fuel into it, took it out of the garage, and put it in the rain to give it a little wash.
How do you think you car would look and feel like? To be honest, depending on what brand of car that you got it probably wouldn’t be working anymore. Or, there certainly would be a lot of problems with it.
Ok, so here is the bridge between my ideas.
Treat your woman like you would your car.
The more proactively you maintain your car: the smoother it will be, the less problems it will have, and the longer you can drive it. If, you are consistently putting good fuel into your car, getting an oil and engine check every 3 months, you car will less likely breakdown, blowup, or cause you strife.
It’s the same for a woman. If you are able to give her what she really needs and if you are therefore able to maintain her, then she will not likely get to the point where she has to blow up, display excessive amounts of insecurity, and so on. And you know what? It doesn’t mean you have to give her attention all the time. All you need to do is identify her needs and meet them.
I often here the phrase when couples breakup, “I gave him/her everything that she wanted!” To which I say, “did you give them “everything that they needed?” Because, I’m telling you right now if you give your partner everything they “truly need” at high levels, they will not leave you. Additionally not only will they want to stay with you, they will do anything to: build, cultivate, and enrich that relationship. That’s the honest truth.
So how can you really service the needs of a woman? To be honest most of it will be in the service of her emotional needs. When you can open a woman up emotionally she is already half way there to the bedroom.
Because, the physical is an extension of her emotional openness.
So, the intimacy you share will be “all revealing” and “uninhibited”, then you could ever imagine. So thumbs up to that!
Quality vs. Quantity
I often hear women complaining that they don’t get to enough time or attention with their boyfriends or partner. So, they look at their partner’s life and see on what this extra attention is focused on, and then pick on it. For example, say you go to play sports with the guys on the weekend and your woman will sulk or give you the silent treatment because she really feels a need to connect with you.
Does this mean that you drop the sports of the weekend to make your woman happy? My first response will be NO! Because, you need to set boundaries with your woman, otherwise she will overrun and disrespect you.
But, what you can do is make sure that “before” sports weekend comes up, you spend some real quality time with her. When I say quality, I mean you guys go on a date or spend time together without anyone else. It’s just the two of you. And it should be time where you both get to connect with eachother so she feels all of your presence with her. She feels like she has 100% of your attention. Once you have this great night together, she will feel “filled” up in a good way and she will be much more happier to let you go and may even encourage you to go to spend time with your mates. She will do this because she KNOWS she can have quality time with you and that you have the capability to give this to her.
See, when you spend small amounts of quality time and interaction filling up your woman, she won’t feel compelled to nit pick, nag, or act up. Because she is “secure” in knowing and experiencing how truly present you can be there for her and that makes all the difference. Now it’s like you are: cleaning the car, getting the oil change regularly, and putting great fuel in it. Your chances of your car breaking down or going haywire will be significantly reduce. Because, now you know what’s going on with your car and you give it a check over every week or every month or whatever. The regular maintenance of your woman will allow her to become more open, receptive and feminine. This will contribute to a better relationship with her, simply because her needs for emotional security have been provided for.
So, I know a lot of you may be thinking “Shit, I haven’t maintained my woman in a while.” So I have to warn you, it may get a little worse before it gets infinitely better.
You see, when you don’t maintain a woman, when she doesn’t feel her needs aren’t being met with you, she loses trust in you. She loses trust in the relationship and she also loses trust in herself. And, the ratio in which she loses trust and the speed at which this happens is not directly in proportion to the amount of time that it took to build that trust.
Meaning if it took you 1 month to build trust with her, she can feel like it is taken away from her all in one perceived negative comment or argument. And, it may take her a couple more days to rebuild that trust. BUT, it can infinitely expand if “at the moment” she loses that trust for you: stand by her, back her up, give her what she truly needs, listen em pathetically, and respond presently to her. In this way you can actually use arguments as a platform to develop GREATER trust in the relationship.
Therefore, when a woman’s trust for you is low, there may be a period where you see no VISIBLE RESULT in her actions, despite your efforts.
Let’s say, you have not had a great night out with your woman on a real date in about 3 months. And, you have noticed she has been: acting needy, complaining why your attention is diverted to the boys, work, or the dog. So, you take her out and you have a magical night. Just the two of you, great dinner, great company, and great sex.
So, you pat yourself on the back and think “yep, that should make up for the last 3 months.” And, then you wait another 3 months to take her on another date. In the meantime she is thinking, “Oh my god it’s been so long, this is definitely getting back on the right track!”
In other words, where you think you job has been completed she thinks just thinks it begun.
Just like a car that has an empty fuel tank takes a longer time to refill, the same applies to a woman who feels depleted.
Once she is filled up, then you just have to presently check in with her daily in small amounts. It could literally be 5 minutes of true present listening which will help to keep her: feeling happy, fulfilled, and like all her needs are met. It is also important to realize, at times a woman will be under a lot of stress. During this time all that is required your ability to allow her to express, vent and talk it out. Don’t take what she says personally, empathize with how she feels, and let her revel in your grounding presence. All she wants is your presence and in return she will color your world, appreciate you, and love you in more ways that you can imagine.
Hot Alpha Female