How To Overcome Being A Control FREAK!
and actually be happy! ……
So we all at times can be a little controlling. And at other times we can also be a little bit of a FREAK. But overcoming being a control freak is not as hard as it sounds. It just takes a little bit of practice, patience and faith.
Now there is no better person to talk to you right now about control. Because me and control use to be the best of buddies. I made sure my partner at the time met my expectations and in return that control gave me the “so called security and safety” which deep down I craved. So how did he meet my expectations? I dragged him to personal development seminars, I put some ambition in him, I got him to eat healthier, dress smarter, act nicer … you name it and I did it. And at the end of it, I had a guy who I didn’t recognise nor respected because he didn’t have the guts to stand up for himself.
Talk about a catch 22. I was beside myself. How could by perfectly executed plan, fall to S**T in so little time? And how come I didn’t have the happiness and fulfilment that I thought control was suppose to give me?
This is a very common problem men and women are facing today in their dating lives and more importantly in their relationships. Its this inability to let it go; to accept the person and the situation that is in front of you. There is so much pushing against, so much wishing things were different and no understanding that “this is where you are and exactly where you need to be”.
The truth is I had to figure out that the fulfilment and the happiness doesn’t come from the attempting the control everything outside of you. It comes from the ability to control everything that is going on inside of you. Its about inquiring about what’s “within” and just being “ok” with what you find. Too many people are focused on fixing the people around them, when really the one that needs work is them. To be honest its a lot easier to focus fixing someone “else” rather than spending time “fixing” yourself.
So how did I manage to stop the control in my relationships? Well after that relationship ended I have to learn to relinquish control when it came to dating. I have to accept that some people were going to be “into me” and some were not. I have to accept that I didn’t “know” where any potential relationship was going. I had to accept the way I felt about a particular person and instead of resisting it, just sitting with the feeling. I had to accept that at the time I was single and that was perfectly ok. I had to realise that if there was something I wanted to improve in someone else that I was the one that probably had to make that improvement in my life.
Once your in this habit its easy to take it to form a healthy relationship with someone you really care about. You can actually create a real relationship based between two people meeting each other needs rather than being in a relationship to purely meet your own. When you relinquish that control you find that freedom and joy you had always been looking for.
Nowdays I don’t have the urge to make my partner into a “better person” – he is doing a great job on his own. My plan is not to have a plan. I don’t need to worry about what he should wear, what he should eat and what he should spend his time on. I feel safe and secure knowing that relinquishing that control gives me the freedom and the happiness that I really desire. I use the energy I would exert on fixing my partner on doing things that make me feel good. I don’t need to know what is going to happen next and only focus on what is happening right now. And most importantly I trust that as long as you remain authentic in that relationship; no matter if it lasts a lifetime or ends tomorrow that you did the best you knew how, with who you were at that given point in time – and that is more than enough.
So how about you guys give it a shot too? =P
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