Is Love Enough?
In a nutshell. Hell NO!! Don’t worry I was one of those girls that dreamed, that preyed, that wished it was so. That meeting the right person would dissolve any issues of conflict, fighting or heaven forbid a staleness of passion for each other.
But I was slapped in the face by the cold hard truth. That to have a great dating relationship, to have a great long term relationship you are going to need a little more than a so called “ever lasting love” for each other.
Because you know what? Passion only ever lasts for so long and really nothing in this life lasts forever. We grow up, we mature, we get old and then we start shrinking. Not the pyramids, the oceans, nor your “good moods” can last forever. This is a simple truth of life.
So as we are riding the turbulent waves of life; good and bad, sad and happy, passionate and bored - the passion in our relationship can also waver. The truth is to have a great relationship - you are going to have to step up to the plate and be great at a lot of different things.
You are going to have to be great at communicating, listening and being patient. You are going to have to at times refrain from yelling, refrain from breaking down. You are going to have to learn to sometimes put someone else’s needs before your own. To smile when you feel down, to give when all you do is feel like taking and to be empathetic when really you want to bitch slap them.
I see so many guys and girls out there waiting. Waiting for the right person to come along. Waiting for the right relationship to appear in front of them. Waiting for the right moment to come past, sweep them off their feet and wash away their worries.
We’ll this isn’t a movie and there is no guaranteed happy ending. Your relationships are what you make of them and there is no single moment that is any better than the other. You can’t put your life on hold even if you tried.
So in answer to my original question, is love enough to make a great relationship. No its not and it never will be. This is reality …… not “Sleepless in Seattle”. But if love is only part of what makes a great relationship and you have it, then the good news is that your already half way there ….
It means that if you love each other then it means that you will fight to be together, it means that you will do things for this person that you wouldn’t do for anyone else, it means that your heart is open to forgiveness and that for once you put someone’s needs before your own. Love is a truly magical thing and every one who has found it no matter for how long or short that may have been – has been truly blessed with a magical experience that cannot be traded for anything in the world.
So what are you going to do to MAKE it a great and long lasting love?
Hot Alpha Female
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Having a great and long lasting relationship requires the understanding of one’s weaknesses, accepting it and not push for change. Patience without understanding may still lead to expecting some change to happen. Acceptance is a must in every relationship. That is my perspective on how to have a great and long lasting relationship.
I also fell for it. It was only after my heart has been pulverized and reduced to almost nothingness that I realized “everlasting love needs a lot of work.” As in a whole lot of work.
Hey guys,
Sure, everything has a ‘life cycle’. So with all this whinging, what positives do we bring to the relationship. How come a lot of my older relatives (and many other people I know personally) have been married for + 30 years. What of our older generations that have enduring/rewarding relationships for decades (of course we know others that endured that did not represent the best times one should have to experience, esp. the abusive ones).
So what are we doing about it?? = like you’ve said, we’ve got to meet each other half way/contribute but at the same time not tolerate poor behaviour. Don’t forget that the relationship kickstarted with some kind of ’spark’ (they each liked things about the other) and have ticked the boxes in line with the standards we look for in someone - otherwise its just surface level. Hey, are our standards set too low?!
Interestingly, a lot of people are waiting for their ‘ideal/dream’ person to come along like they deserve to be treated to something special (good on them) but then if the person they just ‘left’ was like 95% of this ideal, have they made a mistake? (said with the benefit of hindsight), could they have done something different?, what did they contribute to the relationship?. This brings us back to the start of the thread.
Question, if these women saw their ideal, dream guy - what would they say or do to make him want to get to know her better (as more than a mere face in the crowd)…. ooops, he’s continued to walk by… oh well next time?! Likewise, guys get complaicent, needy too and rather than being a man and leading, they let this trait slip (in the relationship, curteousy, in the bedroom, in conversation skills, mentally, physically)
Moral of the story, we make our own breaks, we also must accept responsibility for our actions, we also choose our mindset and actions. So lets choose to be positive and be the best we can be. or, you can sit on your hands and wait/hope.
All the best guys,
Keep smiling.
Shame on you for not staying in touch!
Why do we sing “Take Me Out to the Ball Game” when we are already there?
Just started reading your blog and I must say that it’s very interesting. Was directed to it from my friend David Tien’s website (Asian Rake). Good post here.
@sugar mama man: Acceptance is definately a key to a great lasting relationship. Good, bad and the ugly! lol
@Maris: But its always worth it! =)
@fat-Albert: I totally agree. The best thing you can do for yourself and your current or future relationships is to focus inwards rather than outwards. I think you should learn from your past, but wishing or thinking if things were different or could have turned out another way … is still looking back in the past. All things have been said and done and all you can do now is look forward, see where your at, take a deep breathe and go on. I don’t think relationships are things that your “get right” we all have different experiences which match with lessons we need to learn about ourselves. Which means all relationships expereinced have served their purpose.
@Buddha: I’m here!!! heheheh - how have you been?!
@Kevin Tang: Glad to have you as one of my blog readers, hope you enjoyed =)
Hot Alpha Female
I agree that one should accept the weaknesses of your partner. We dont always get the heroes of good, bad and ugly
Real life has much more, there are good and bads in each of us. So, love your partner for what he is and not for what you want him to be. Trust and dont expect too much for a long loving relationship.
hey, I really liked this post. have you ever heard about david deida’s three stages of relationships?