Now I’m sure after a few seconds of googling that you will be able to find every book, article and seminar under the sun that will tell you how to find the right guy/girl.

Well the truth is, by the 10th article you’ve read, you realise that all the advice is all the same all CR*P.

Its boring. Its cliché. Its unrealistic. It doesn’t work.

I’m all about a straight forwards and practical approach these days (No BS approach), so what are all the other people saying?
1) Make a list of your ideal partner
2) Get comfortable with single life
3) Be the person you want to attract

I mean fair comment. They all look like reasonable things to follow. Heck it seems that on the surface that they would even seem to work.

So why is, for those of us that have tried it, we seem to be in a bigger whole which is getting harder and harder to dig out.

Well that’s because, these statements while are on track are missing the most simple truths.

So lets see what these are?

Mistake # 1 – Make your ideal partner list
You know the list. The one where you state what they look like, their occupation, their ethnic background, whether or not they like outdoor sports and so on.

Well I say if you DON’T have one, then keep it that way. If you do have one – then scrap it. And scrap it now!

Why? Because while to good to know what you are looking for, most of you are so deluded if the right person smacked you in the face, you still wouldn’t know what hit you.

Truth
Having a list, keeps you in this fantasy, Hollywood romantic comedy movie – So when someone who could be potentially a great match for you comes along … you have no time to notice how amazing they are, because they don’t fit that picture you have in your head.

If you must make a list, then make a list of things that are important to you.

What are you values? What are your priorities? What makes you laugh or smile? What gets you up in the morning?

Once you figure out this, then you will be closer to figuring out what partner would really suit you and what their values would be.

Make sure to leave out the superficial stuff … Looks, ethnic background, financial status.

Focus on values, genuine, loyal, compassionate, understanding, great sense of dry humour etc.

Mistake # 2 – Get comfortable with being single
Course you have to enjoy yourself, but I know for a fact there are a lot of you that can’t stand being single.

Ok fair enough. I get it. People tell you, you should be so happy your single. Your young, free and you can do whatever you want!

So why are you moping at home, watching Seinfeld re-runs wishing you had someone to laugh with? Why are you pissed off that all your other single friends are getting significant others?

Truth
People say get comfortable with being single, well I say get really really uncomfortable with being single and get comfortable with being in a relationship!

Wow. That sounds like totally contradictory. Well, welcome to my blog – glad you could join.

In fact I’m saying look at all the things in your life that are keeping you single. Do you get with your girlfriends on a weekly basis and complain, whine and moan about the opposite sex? Do you have a whole bunch of single guy friends who you play poker every week who bag out any of the guys who have girlfriends and appear a bit “whipped?”

I say if you are really serious about finding a mate, then simply replace these social occasions with dinner with friends who are in happy healthy relationships.

Replace these with social occasions with attending events you have a specific interest in, which also gives you the opportunity to meet someone like minded.

Celebrate where you are right now and also celebrate the joy of what it would be like to BE in a relationship too.

On some level, you are going to have to shift your energy towards this, whether this be an subconscious or conscious effort.

Mistake # 3 – Be the person you want to attract
OK well this isn’t real a mistake. The point is very valid, is just some people misinterpret how you do this.

What does becoming the person you want to attract entail? Does it involve day dreaming, making lists and fantasizing about how happy you are going to be when you meet your ideal mate?

Does it involve sitting back and then going, “come and get me baby!”

Well if you haven’t guessed it, No, No and NOOO.

Truth
This step involves really engaging in your own life. It means looking at life as the one and only chance you have got, so making the most out of it.

It means to start focusing on your life and how you feel about it, instead of how it will feel when you find someone special.

Its about controlling your internal world so you can transform your external world.

The most important thing is that you feel good in this moment. A relationship that is a struggle to build in the beginning will only be a reflection of the challenges that will be experienced during its fruition (<—— Isn’t that a sexy word?!)

The challenge is to stay absolutely present and in this moment. You can use things like visualizations, diary writing, mind movies *check the links at the bottom* or any practice that makes you feel good about yourself and your life.

Do what feels right for you. There are no right and wrongs.

I can guarantee that people who have been able to attract an ideal partner into their life have undergone this process, consciously or subconsciously.

So remember put down the lists, get off your butt and get into your life.

It has worked for me and I’m pretty sure it will work for you too!

Thoughts or comments? Feel free to leave them below, would love to hear them =)

P.s. Mind movies have really worked a treat for me =) I created mine more than 2 years ago and whilst it was fun it also allowed me to start feeling good in the moment. If you read my article you will realise that this is very important.

Here is the link, if you want to know how to make your own.

Hot Alpha Female

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