Now I’m going to share with you a step by step proven method on how you girls can remain single indefinitely.

If you read now, I’ll even throw in a lifetime guarantee that this method does work. In fact if you don’t believe me, I’ll get you to listen to the countless testimonials from my girlfriends on how much this formula has worked for them.

Now I know your excited right? Well don’t let me leave you hanging, well get stuck into this straight away.

Tip #1
Be insanely cynical.

Now I’m talking about the real deal here. I’m saying you have to go to the depths of cynicism and rip the roots out and then carry it around in your handbag, wearing it as a badge of honor that screams “I’ve been hurt, get the F*** away from me”.

If you don’t do it to this extreme, then sorry, it just aint gonna work.

Not only are you to wear this cynicism on your sleeve, you must also be cynical particularly about men. You must believe that all men are cheaters, liars, manipulators whose sole purpose is to make the a woman’s world a living hell. You must also believe that you will be taken advantage of as soon as you given anything of yourself and that you will be used, abused and discarded at any man’s leisure. Cynisaism, that is the first and most important key. Now lets move onto the next tip.

Tip #2
Be a rock hard B*tch.

Yeh you heard me. I am talking to you. I mean you need to be the most stubborn, inflexible, short tempered, demanding and controlling woman you can be. Your hissy fits need to put 5 year old temper tantrum to shame. I expect cat fights with your best friends over a un-returned bobbing pin. I’m thinking like major PMS like 24/7. The smallest things have to trigger your anger and when you are angry, then you must ensure that not only do your neighbors neighbors hear you …. But people in the next street feel compelled to call the police because they think a domestic is going on, when really you have just realized that your out of toothpaste.

You need a fuse shorter than a mini matchstick and make impossible demands that the USA military couldn’t even fill. When a man has the nerve to cancel a date on you, or god forbid comes 10 minute late, you are to arrange an assault that man, his car and his dog, which is relentless until he profusely apologizes and kneels down on the floor in front of you in the fetal position like a quivering mess.

If you are unable to do this. Then I just don’t think you are cut out to be single. This leads to the next point

Tip #3
Always want more, more, more dammit!
To be ganuranteed singlessness for an eternity you must never be happy with what you have. The grass IS ALWAYS greener on the other side. Attached women are always happier than their single friend counterparts. Your best friend’s boyfriend, was the perfect catch and all the other men are gay or taken. Whatever the current men in your dating life are doing its not enough. He is too skinny and his wallet isn’t fat enough. He is academically smart but so life stupid. You would love to meet his parents, but the mental institution only allows visits during times you are working. Lets face it, he slurps his soup funny.

You want the one guy you are dating to ask you to be his girlfriend. You want your boyfriend to ask you to marry you. You want your husband to want to have kids. You want your husband to put you before the kids. Etc, ect. Desperate housewives is based on real life stories.

You are strictly only to focus on the past and to daydream of the future. By no means are you allowed to enjoy the process of life now. You are not and I mean NOT to celebrate any benefits of being single, you are not to talk, speak or act upon urges of happiness or content.

Your aim for each day is to find as many things to complain about being single and under no circumstances should you ever be happy about it. You are to be miserable at all times and if you are not miserable then you are to be angry bitchy and PeeMmmSsssy.

You should only operate between these two emotions. Now following all 3 tips I can guarantee you will ensure your single status indefinitely.

Now don’t worry if you can’t get all 3 tips then mastering one of them to the best of your ability is more than enough. This will ensure that men run for the hills, faster than you can scream “why don’t you love me?!!?!”.

So for all those women that has mastered this art, welcome to the world of single hood. You are going to enjoy it for a very long time.

For all you other girls who only half ass this, then I’m sorry, singlehood for you just doesn’t look very bright.

Can’t win them all.


Hot Alpha Female

P.S (For those women who a really annoyed right now … this post was meant to be sarcastic =)

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