Why Do You Attract Emotionally Unavaliable Men?
I’m telling you that’s a real skill … and we are good at it, coz lets face it … we’ve had a lot of practice.
Now in light of this we could react how 99 percent of the women do and mention every excusable cliché under the sun, like “All the good men are taken, men only want one thing, I’m just not that into him”.
Now while your ranting off things like “I’ll find him when I’m not looking and there are plenty of fish in the sea” you are missing out on potentially one of the biggest revelations of your dating life.
Among the midst of confusion, frustration and plain denial the single most important truth can be simply put like this.
We pick men who (deep down we know) are emotionally/physically/in some form unavailable to date or commit to us in any way.
Why do we pick these men? Because they are safe. Because we tell ourselves, “hey I can be totally vulnerable and open with this guy, because it ain’t going to go anywhere”.
So you flirt, act normal, have no inhibitions and feel completely cool, collected and comfortable. What you are in fact doing; is digging your own grave.
Why? Because you are opening yourself up to a man .. who has the emotionally availability of a toothbrush.
But because you are being so open and vulnerable, it allows for the development of a spark of forbidden undeniable attraction.
You think to yourself. Oh crap, now I actually really like him, I’m attracted to him and your mindset starts to ever so slowly shift … from “no potential” .. to “possible potential”.
By this time your head is going … no no no this can’t work! But the attraction is kicking in and you have like ZERO control over it. Your practically possessed. This only results in the worst possible situation, you becoming attached to the outcome and ultimately and ever so unfortunately you become attached to the idea of “being with him” … the one and only guy who you allowed yourself to open up to.
Then what happens is “the conversation” occurs, expectations crept in, vulnerability shuts down and Ms insecurity all of sudden becomes your best friend. Mr. emotionally/physically/in some form unavailable freaks out because he has gotten into the very thing he was trying to avoid and all hell breaks loose.
You stop doing the very thing that attracted him to you in the first place (being open, vulnerable and emotionally stable).
This of course only leads to a crashing disaster which results in tears, long phone calls to girlfriends, endless tubs of ice-cream and excessively long and agonizing episodes of listening to “love song dedications on the radio”.
You find yourself at the start line again and repeat the process, until one day when you finally realize you were part of the problem, beat yourself up, cry a little more and then figure out it all has to stop.
So at this point in time you might be thinking. Ohh great HAF, thanks for the inspirational message, I’m just going to throw myself off a bridge.
Well hey before you do that, let me give you a life line.
And it is this ….
If you were naive and slightly silly enough to get yourself into this situation, then you also have the savviness to pull yourself out.
You can’t fix a problem that you don’t know about and I’m here to point out a big flashing sign with caution lights saying “don’t go there and if you are already there, then get out now!”.
Sometimes it takes a good friend or someone you “hate” to point out a cycle which we have been trapped in for a very long time.
Sometimes we just need someone to push us off our chair, slap us on the face and go .. “hey wake up!”.
I’ll happily apply for that position. And why? Because I’ve kinda been there (lived there actually) and done that. And I figure that my sometimes (disastrous) dating life, might as well serve some good purpose.
So here it is. You are attracting and dating emotionally unavailable men .. because you are on some level emotionally unavailable yourself.
Whether it be the ability to commit to the idea of even having a long term boyfriend or going on more than 3 dates with the same guy or signing a 24 month phone contract… there is some part of you that is so scared of what “may or may not” happen that you are pushing people away before they even get the chance to know you, like you and want to be with you for an “extended period of time”.
So if you keep doing what you have always done, then you will always get what you have always got and in light of this … you are only left with one option …
Don’t put yourself out of the game.
Accept the responsibility of your tragic dating status, put on your biggest smile, leave your 300 page check list at home, be a good sport, just give it a good old go and at all costs avoid those emotionally unavailable men like you would someone with a severely bad case of gingivitis!!
Now that I’ve got your attention, in my next post I’ll explain exactly how you get go kick ass, chew bubble gum and tackle this problem first hand.
After reading my next post you will be able to go from being Ms emotionally unavailable man magnet to the ultimate emotionally unavailable man repeller and free yourself to date men who are ready for a fulfilling and exciting relationship.
Stay tuned for Wednesday!!
Hot Alpha Female