Would It Be Easier To Approach A Surrendered Single?
This was a concept developed by Laura Doyle in her book titled … The Surrendered Single. What I love about this book is that it is so controversial. Women get caught off guard by some of the things that are mentioned in here. Most importantly it goes against the grain of how women should act in the modern society we live in today, where women and men are continually playing on equal fields.
So what exactly does she say?
What is a Surrendered Single? And just what is she surrendering—and to whom?
A Surrendered Single recognizes that if she wants to attract the man with whom she can develop intimacy, she cannot control relationships. She cannot determine who asks her out, how he’ll do it, when he’ll call or e-mail, or if he’ll commit to her. A Surrendered Single may have unwittingly been trying to control, manipulate and force relationships previously, but no more.
The basic principles of a Surrendered Single are that she:
* Acknowledges her desire to attract and marry a man who’s right for her
* Lets go of the idea of a perfect man
* Receives compliments, gifts, help and dates graciously whenever possible
* Takes responsibility for and focuses on her own happiness and fulfillment
* Relinquishes control of the pace of the courtship
* Strives to be vulnerable
* Honors her desire to be married by ending dead-end relationships
* Checks for safety before she risks herself physically or emotionally
A Surrendered Single is:
* Open where she was guarded
* Optimistic where she was cynical
* Feminine where she was tough
* Gracious where once fended for herself
* Respectful where she used to feel superior
A Surrendered Single lets go of the negative beliefs she’s been holding onto like a security blanket, such as:
* There are no good single men out there
* I’m too old to attract someone
* Dating is too much trouble
At first surrendering will feel awkward and frightening.
But so what? No one ever died from these feelings. They’re trivial compared to the payoff.
Who’s Afraid of Dating?
“A person usually has two reasons for doing something: a good reason and the real reason.”
– Thomas Carlyle
Every strong, single woman I know rolls her eyes when I suggest that lack of faith and fear are what keep her alone. She doesn’t typically think of herself as scared because she’s built a career and a terrific circle of friends, stood up to dozens of men, and often even raised a child alone. She is capable and hearty.
And she’s through with “having faith” because so far, it hasn’t done a thing for her. (Or so she thinks.) In fact, the very word is disconcerting to her. Truth is, her faith is as out of shape as her first little black dress, and it’s as worn as the fabulous heels she bought to go with it.
This is understandable. When we believe that something will happen, but have no control over whether it does, the possibility of disappointment looms. What could be more disappointing than believing he’s out there, and never finding him? We’d be faced with thinking that there’s something wrong with us. To protect herself, the single woman does a funny little sidestep.
She goes into the world with good intentions to find someone who has all the characteristics she wants in a partner. She makes a list of these characteristics by starting with what she knows will meet her parents’ approval and what her friends will like. Unfortunately, her list is now both restrictive and irrelevant since it has nothing to do with her own desires.
Each potential suitor is measured against his ability to fit into her complicated jigsaw puzzle of the perfect guy.
Now I will admit that this was one of the first books I ever read about understanding more about the dating game on women.
And I will also admit that it resonated with me on a level so great that it has transformed my beliefs and my life today.
I incorporate a lot of my posts based on what she is saying here. Basically her book is getting women to giving up the need to control their dating life. The need to control the type of man they will marry, how he should act, what he should look like.
Surrendering is about getting in contact with that natural feminine energy that all women possess and that all men love.
Yes we live in different times today. Women are more independent than they have ever been before, but I really believe that somewhere along the line the message got mixed up.
Women now assume that in order to get the right man, they have to be the man. Then they find a guy who is easy to command, easy to walk over and easy to disrespect and then wonder why they get bored.
Women complain that men just aren’t challenging enough today, that there are no good men out there and that simply no one can keep up with them.
This book finally puts all the responsibility back on you. And its great that it does that, because then you finally have the power to change it.
I will admit if you are a strong minded woman, reading this can turn your beliefs inside out and upside down but I have to say that every woman HAS to read this book. It will probably save your dating life, stop the confusion and allow you to see the real truth.
Now I pose the title of my post to men. Would you date a surrendered single? Would you approach a surrendered single? Because what if I said that a surrendered single would more likely smile instead of scowl, accept instead of reject, look at you instead of away …
Wouldn’t that make her approachable because then the likelihood of her rejecting you would be smaller and her vulnerability would allow you to be more yourself?
See when you don’t perceive approaching a woman to be associated with acceptance or rejection and just simply as having a conversation with a woman .. doesn’t that take the pressure of?
So what is my conclusion. The surrendered single, works better for both boys and girls! I’m sure you all want to give in your thoughts. So as usual hit me back, coz I’m listening!
Hot Alpha Female