Five Minute Find A Man Monday’s – How To Undo The Damage Of Having The Conversation
The question was
“How do you recover from having the conversation with your man?”
Here is my response …
Hi Jill(fake name),
This is a great question and I’m sure a lot of my readers are going to benefits from it.
Well the first thing that I would do is back off and stop putting any more pressure on him. He may already be a little freaked out by the whole thing but you really have to determine this by his actions.
Is he calling you less? Is he not as available as much as he used to be? Is he acting weird around you? Or are things pretty much the same?
See the thing is, the reason why I’m so adamant about the NOT having the conversation is because I have been there myself.
The sad part is, that I didn’t even realize that I had the conversation with him, until like months and months after I stopped talking to him, as things didn’t work out.
Now the reason why you want to have a conversation with him is because your not sure how he feels about you … right.
And what I have learnt from my experience, is … if you are not that sure about how he feels about you … then its best to assume that he is “just not that into you!”.
In fact that is one of the best lines I have heard yet. A guy actually wrote a booked called “He’s, just not that into you”.
But what I learnt from my own experiences and from reading a couple of books on this, is that … the only reason why we would HAVE that conversation with this guy, is because we already know the answer in our heart, but our head wants to fight it.
I already knew this guy was emotionally unavailable, but i didn’t want to believe it. My intuition was screaming at me, just telling me that he just wasn’t ready yet.
But my head was like .. well .. why not … everything seems fine on the surface. Why shouldn’t he be into me.
But you know what? Not every guy is right for you. Nor is every situation is the right timing for you either.
Maybe this guy is the right guy for you and the timing just sucks.
But you have to give them space to leave if they wish, so they can choose to come back.
So in answer to your question, what is the best way to recover from having the conversation?
Back off. Date other people. Fill your life up again. Don’t rely on him to make you happy.
Don’t have your happiness based on whether or not he wants to be exclusive with you or not. Enjoy the fact that you don’t know exactly where this relationship is going. Live in the present. If you go out with him, just “be” there. Don’t be thinking about the next date. Don’t be thinking about tasks you need to do when you get home. Enjoy that time and space you have with him.
I know this is hard to do. But the more detached from the outcome you are with this guy, the less you care about where this is heading, then the more desirable you will be.
Its not about playing hard to get and being a challenge.
It IS about being present, enjoying your own life, making yourself happy first and foremost.
When you take responsibility for your own happiness, then he will no longer feel the pressure and the obligation to take care of that part and he can relax and take control of where the relationship is heading again.
Plus we all love it when men are the ones doing the chasing, leading the relationship. SO let him have that back.
Either way whatever the outcome
Number One he resumes the relationship and continues dating
Number Two he freaks out and you never speak to him again
You are better off because you know what to do for next time.
Take care and keep us updated.
Hot Alpha Female