Man Chases Woman Until SHE Catches Him
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So now lets get to the post! Do guys really like being asked out first?
So there is this whole debate about whether or not guys like being asked out first.
I asked this question on a number of forums and websites and usually the response from guys is that they would love it if a girl asked them out on a date.
And the girls respond to this, by saying, I would rarely ever think of asking out a guy.
So here is the thing.
I’m all for the whole alpha thing.
But as I learn more about myself, the more the meaning of Hot Alpha Female changes. Its like a constant and never ending process.
And there is this one this traditional dating rule that I still think applies today and that women should follow.
So you want to hear the debate right?
Well first I’m going to talk about what guys say. Then I’m going to talk about what I think. And then I’m going to give it up to you guys and you tell me what you think.
Ok so lets get started!
The Response You Guys Give
The response that I usually get from when I ask this question is I would love it if the girl had the initiative to ask me out.
And then they have this whole debate about how irritating when girls play hard to get.
Well I could have a whole debate about that one. But I will say that being challenging and playing hard to get are two different things.
Anyways one thing that I want to mention about these guys, is usually they are really nice sweet guys who have no idea about the game whatsoever.
In terms of the guys out there that are trying to understand women, there are guys who want to learn about women and are open to hearing new things. Then there are guys who want to be able to attract women but are very closed minded and think that you need money and popularity to be able to get girls.
If you are the latter and you find my blog irritating because it goes against what you believe in, either start expanding your mind, or leave.
Because I’m only here to help those that want to be helped. At the same time, I’m not saying that all the stuff I write about is completely and utterly right. I DONT know all the answers.
Nor will I ever want to.
What I am here for, is to share my perception of how I see the world. Agree with it if you want, discuss it as you please.
Ok so here is the thing about guys being asked out by girls.
You Men Are Confused
Paige Parker has a book which I LOVE and re-read all the time for inspiration and “research”.
She also has an interview series called “You Ask, Men Answer” by which she interviews various guys of different relationship status all at the same time, in a teleconference.
I really love it, because you get so much insight into the male mind. I feel like such an insider =)
So in one of her audios she asks the question
“What do you guys think, when a girl asks you out on a first date?”
Here was the general initial response.
1) That would be really “flattering”
2) That would take the pressure of rejection off me
3) That would be nice
But after the guys thought about it for a minute then the general consensus was more like this
1) How many other guys has she done this to?
2) Why doesn’t she let guys ask her out first?
3) Is she a little desperate?
4) Is there something bad about her that she isn’t telling me?
The result of when girls had asked out some of the men on the conference call was that the men while flattered at first lost their interest very quickly. The whole fact that she asked them out put a lot of them out of their game and basically threw them a curve ball by which they did not know how to respond.
See the reason why I bring this up is because asking someone out on a date is not just a small thing. It was change the game of who is the pursuer?
Women Pursuing Men And Losing
When a woman asks the man out and continues to do this, then she becomes the man in that relationship.
And no straight man wants to date a woman that acts like a man.
So if you guys didn’t already pick up where I’m coming from then this is what I believe.
I have the cardinal rule of not asking a guy out on a date. In fact I have the cardinal rule of not pursuing a guy. In a certain way.
Meaning to say, calling him, asking him on dates and moving the relationship to the next level.
This isn’t sounding so alpha female right now aye?
So here is my reasoning.
How Women Turn Men OFF
As a woman its your job to look approachable, vulnerable but at the same time represent some of challenge to the guy. You are a prize, you are a catch, so they should show you in some respects why they are worthy of your time and your attention.
Now this is a bit of a paradigm shift for the many women out there that want to cling onto any guy that will date them. This is also true for women who want to “lock down” the men they are dating and get them into a committed relationship.
All of this stems from insecurity, because it is my belief that to actually sit back, relax and let a guy pursue you, want to commit to you and move thing to the next level, takes an unprecedented amount of confidence and self esteem.
Because you have to believe that you are worthy of dating. You have to have the self esteem that you are girlfriend material and that you personality is attractive and magnetic. You don’t have to cling to man to get him to commit to you. Because you KNOW that you are a girl where a MAN would be SO LUCKY to get to date you long term.
So the reason why women ask men out on dates is because they in some ways are insecure. They feel venerable that they don’t know how a man feels about them and therefore they want to ask him out .. in case he doesn’t.
Now some women may argue that they just really like a guy so why don’t they just ask him out and save him the trouble. And my response to that .. is set in this question.
What do you value more? Money that you randomly found on the ground. Or money you earnt from putting the time, effort and energy into?
Answer that question and you’ll get a picture of what I’m attempting to get across.
And another thing. If a guy really likes you … then he will go to lengths to get you out on a date! So women, calm the heck down and breathe!
How To Get A Man Without Asking Him Out
I believe that women roles is to give encouragement! If you like a guy flirt like crazy and if you are really interested in him the you can ask him questions like “so when are you going to ask me out, or when are you going to ask for my phone number”
This is so different from asking out a guy directly and saying “so hey, you wanna go out sometime?”.
As a woman, how would you really feel if you asked a guy that? Would you feel good about yourself? Or would you have preferred it if he did it. In fact wouldn’t you be more confident about how a guy feels about you, if you let him ask you out?
I think that waiting for a guy to ask you out is also attached to being a challenge. Now I’m not talking about being bitchy and snobby about the situation. I’m talking about being fn and flirty, giving the guy encouragement, but not giving up absolutely everything about yourself.
I’m talking about being a little more mysterious. This makes a guy want to know more about you, spend more time with you and try to figure you out. This is what creates interest and this is what creates the attraction!
Have Your Say
So that’s my stance on the whole thing, how guys and girls its YOUR TURN! What is your position? Girls would you ask a guy out? Guys how would you really react to a girl asking you out?
Talkback to me!
Hot Alpha Female