I’m Addicted To Being Single
There you have it. I said it. The big secret is out. Hot Alpha Female loves being single. Addicted to it even. More addicted than I am to chocolate. So spread the word. But not too far because eventually I’d like to get into a long term relationship again. Just not yet.
So to continue on with my “I love Week” – Today its being in love with “being single”.
So here is the thing that I discovered a little while ago.
If you are a male or female you are not single because of the reasons that you think you are. In fact its probably for reasons that you are not even aware of. Reasons that if I told you .. you would scoff at me and say .. are you serious?!
So recently I was reading a Cosmo Magazine … as you do … and it had an article on there about 3 gorgeous women who had been single for at least 6 months to 2 years. Then they interviewed some of their ex boyfriends and recorded the commentary as to how the relationship went and why it ultimately failed. Pretty kool concept I must admit.
Now the interesting thing that all 3 women were single for pretty much the same reasons. So what I’m thinking here, is that if you want to stay single then you have to think along these lines. Which I pretty much do to.
Ok so here is a list of characteristics and things that were said about them in this article. Basically all of them had extremely high expectations. Some of them wanted to find the one, but he kind of had to be perfect. Some of them were crazy, sexy and kool but only during the initial stages of the relationship and then started acting needy, insecure and controlling.
All 3 of them had very up and go lives. They had a large social base and each and everyone of them complained about getting bored too easily and needing more variety. Many of them bailed before the relationship could get too serious and selected men that they knew could not keep up with them.
Now as I was reading this .. this was my reaction … shite … shite … shite … shite … Because I do a lot of that. So it kind of made me question what some of the beliefs about being single and being in a relationship. Because I truly believe that I WOULD be in one right now, if that is something that I really wanted.
But here is the thing.
Because for some twisted reason I’ve got negative associations with relationships that should have been dealt with already. Like it annoys me, coz I’m being really inefficient at the moment. The more I thought about it( and bear with me, coz I’m feeling really vulnerable at the moment sharing this with you guys) the reason why I choose to be single, is because its less painful than being in a relationship.
Like how screwed in the head is that? I think I need to bitch slap myself and then bitch slap myself again.
So here is the thing, I’m over my ex .. its just that there are some things from that relationship behavior wise that still haunt me.
So here is what I figured.
In order to gain an understanding of why I’m so repulsed by the idea of a relationship at the moment, I will attempt to get an understanding of my values and then see is being in a relationship conflicts with these.
So what are some of the things that I really value … lets see Freedom, Independence, Happiness, Excitement, Success, Growth
How does single life fulfill these needs, well lets have a look
Freedom and independence: I don’t have to rely on anyone. I mean I have my friends and my family to lean on if things start going to shite, but I don’t feel insecure or in need to talk to a boyfriend when shite hits the fan. I like that. I love that I can go out when I want, with whoever I want and not have to go and get permission from someone. I am my own person and I know who I am. There is no risk of forgetting who I am (happened in the last one).
Happiness: Good old happy times. I actually am really happy being single. I mean I’m not sitting at home rocking myself to sleep every night because I’m not in a relationship. I enjoy my life. Its as busy as shite and most importantly I create my own happiness. I can make myself laugh. I find the smallest things amusing. I pretty much can have an excellent conversation with myself if I needed to.
Excitement: I love having a life full of surprises. A general direction is important for me, but love the spontaneity of life. It throws you so many curve balls and usually when you look back on a year that has gone past and compare that to where you are now … so much has happened and changed. Its awesome. I think the best times in life is when something happens out of nowhere and you run with it. Being single and unattached means I can pursue those avenues.
Success: Ok so here is the thing. I’m extremely ambitious. I have goals and I have direction and I know where I want to be and where I want to go. Therefore if I feel I need to go to America and stay there for a bit, then I want to go without anything holding me back. Success is important to be and I love having the freedom to go after it.
Growth: The one thing that I can’t stand is being too comfortable. Because I either get bored out of my freaken mind. Or start to enjoy the comfort too much and start being more introverted with the world. None of which I like … and both of which I HATE!!! Being single means that I can grow at my own pace, that I can push myself and because I’m single I don’t get too comfortable. I’m always moving. I have to. Ok so these are some of my values. And I guess after that you can kind of build a picture of what I’m like and what my life is like. So here is the reason why I’m not in a relationship because in my mind, being in one, would conflict with ALL of my values!!!
Dependance and Control: Need I say more. I feel like I’m suffocating already. I mean sure you have a safe haven in the storm but that’s about it. I mean do you start to lose independence of who you are as you integrate another person into your life. Does that mean you have to tell your boyfriend where you are going and where you CAN go when you want to go out. Does he start controlling your life? I like to have full control of my life and myself and I don’t want any body impeding on that. Co-dependency relationships for me would be hell.
Unhappiness: Really worried that if I get into a relationship, I’m going to forget the things that make me happy and that I will have to rely on somebody else to do it for me. That I will turn into some needy and insecure little cow that I can’t stand. N all the little fights you have. Getting upset if someone doesn’t call when they are suppose to call … yuck
BOREDOM!!!: I just don’t want to be bored. To do the same things over and over again with your partner. Whether that be movie night or whatever. I mean I like routine I suppose but I HATE boredom. I hate that maybe my life will be more regimented or something. That this guy is totally just going to kill all the excitement in it or something.
Lost Dreams: Am I going to have to pick him over my success. Will I be able to pursue my dreams, or miss out on them because he wants me to stay at home and not be as social and not work as hard.
Comfort Instead of Growth: When you are too comfortable you just don’t grow at all. And because you are bored and there is no excitement and growth you just start picking fights with each other because there is nothing better to do.
Ok I’m done and actually writing all that down has clarified a lot for me. So thanks for listening to my ramblings.
I guess after thinking about it for a little while I realize that you can be in a relationship and still have all those things and more. I guess you can find a guy who gives you the independence that you need, that supports your dreams and goals and helps you grow by seeing a different perspective of the world that you did not see before.
I guess its all very possible.
Anyways I was wondering if any of you guys could help me out and give me some great reasons as to why its good to be in a relationship. Maybe its something that I can add to the list. Or share with me some of the beliefs that you hold which may give me more insight into my own.
In the mean time …. I’ll work on it =)
Hot Alpha Female