I Can’t Pretend To Like You Anymore!
But in this post I really want to talk about contradictions that appear in dating. You know where you hear someone say one and thing and then another person tell you something different.
Here are a couple that run off the top of my head
Love will find you VS You have to find love
You should have an instant connection VS You can build a connection with someone over time
Distance makes the heart grow fonder VS Out of sight out of mind
You can’t be friends before you date VS You should be friends before you date
You need to find someone similar to you VS You need to find someone opposite to you
Its no wonder that so many of us can get confused as to what we should and should not do.
Now in each of these cases I have seen great relationships blossom. I’ve met couples who did not like each other at first by grew to love each other more and more everyday. And I have also met couples that had an instant attraction and bonded immediately. I’ve seen long distance relationships work and others fall apart. So much so that I’m beginning to think that there are no right and wrong answers as to how you can fall in love or get into a relationship.
That it all just depends on what is right for YOU.
But there is one topic that I stated there that I really want to talk about. N that is having a connection with somebody.
Now my parents are a little more old skool. They are like baby boomers and my mum has always been a fan of having love grow over time.
When I first heard that concept I rejected it immediately. What is all this love growing over time crap? Like you either like somebody instantly or you don’t.
My mum has always been the one to say, give people a chance Jen, be more compassionate and bla bla. Yeh I’m working on it, I just don’t see the point in wasting my time with people that don’t interest me though.
Don’t get me wrong, I love my friends dearly and I would do anything for them. I just don’t see the point in hanging around people that you can’t stand.
I mean that makes sense right?
So here is the thing that confused me a little recently. Attempting to take my mothers advice and give people a chance who wanted to date me.
In other words, they are totally into me and I’m totally not into them, but giving them the benefit of the doubt. Giving them a chance. Hanging out or going on dates with them.
I did that .. and you know what? It wasn’t as painful as I thought. But at the same time it was. I mean the company is great, its fine.
But you know I just didn’t feel ANYTHING. Nothing. Nada. Zip. I mean good conversation but its just missing that connection somewhere and no matter how hard to try to get one, it just ain’t gonna happen. You know that things aren’t working out well, when you get a msg from them and then you cringe, put the phone down and tell yourself you’ll answer that later.
So therefore I only hang around people who I have an instant connection with and these are some of the best people I have ever met in my life.
N when I say connection I don’t necessarily mean an attraction. I just mean a connection of some sort.
Whether that be on a mental, physical, emotional or spiritual connection. There are some people who you meet and you feel like you already know them. You just instantly click. You just get it with them. And when you are together or hanging out, because the two of you share this connection its almost like you create this third energy that only exists when the both of you are together.
Some of my closest friends I have met this way. There are some friends who I go a little crazy with. Like serious laughing sessions and spastic behavior. Then I have other friends who I’m no where near as loud, but I can have these amazing deep, meaningful and insightful conversations which are so mentally stimulating.
So regardless of what people may say about this one. I truly believe that to have a great relationship you have a great connection first.
Hot Alpha Female