“How do you define successful relationships, and what does it take to achieve that success?”

This was a posted on their blog like a couple of days ago. It’s a small competition that they are holding .. and if any of you know me, you know that I LOVE competitions. So I’m going to put my best foot forward.

So how do I define success in relationships? I’m wondering if he wants it in an e book or an encyclopedia collection … lol…

Seriously there is so much that goes into defining successful relationships. Now I know I could just cover the usual. Honesty, love, communication blah blah blah …

Yeh yeh I know that we need them …. I mean you have to be pretty slow to not realize that these are highly important things in ANY relationship.

But I’m going to go through some things that I think are SO important that a lot of people overlook. So you guys better be ready for it. 

So lets just say for arguments sake that I’m talking about a LTR. For those of you that are not used to the lingo, that means Long Term Relationship.

I believe that there are 2 parts in attaining a successful relationship.

Part ONE – Before the relationship – It All Starts With You!

Get your own life: So this is a subject that I have covered over and over again. I’m always talking about loving yourself and living your own life. In order to attract an ideal partner into your life .. you really have to be that which you are seeking. I know it sounds soo profound doesn’t it? I’m quite proud of myself, thanks for asking =)

But what I mean is that once you have established what it is that you want to see in your ideal partner then you have to BECOME the type of person that your ideal partner would have to date! Seems simple right? Well it is. So that means stop focusing on what is missing in your life and start focusing on living your life, enjoying it and making the most out of what you have got. It is only until you do this, and give LOVE to yourself first that you are then in the right emotional framework to get yourself into a healthy and stable relationship.

Get Over Your Shiite: Recently just wrote an article about this on . But basically what do I mean here? Well I’m talking about the fact that there is probably some negative beliefs that you have internalized from your past relationships that may affect any future relationships. Meaning to say, its time to delve into them, uncover all your feelings and emotions, bring them out and deal with them. Its then time to replace any old beliefs with new and empowering ones. Its then time to replace old habits with new ones that serve you. Its time to clean that slate so you can make a fresh start.

Selection: A lot of people stuff it up here. They pick someone who they are simply just attracted to and yet have nothing in common with. Here’s the thing. As much as I love talking about attraction and its magical affects on the opposite sex. Attraction without anything to back it up .. is useless for any potential long term relationship. No matter how hot you are or how attracted you are to someone, it ain’t going anywhere if you have nothing in common with them.

Common Values: I really think that before you dive into a relationship that you know what you want. Like I’m not talking about a hardcore shopping list with 3 million things on it. But I am talking about sitting down and really thinking about the things that are important to YOU and therefore what you would also like to see in your potential partner. What I’m talking about is values. Like here is an extreme example. If you are a highly ambitious driven and focused person then you don’t really want to be dating someone who’s whole life ambition is to milk the government for all its got by being the first person to get the most payouts from unemployment benefits. You get the point.

Part TWO – During The Relationship

Honest Appreciation: Ok so here is the thing. Even though this may sound really lame I have read “ Women Are From Venus And Men Are From Mars” – Absolutely awesome book and I recommend that anyone who wants to have healthy relationships should read that freaking book. The one thing that I did learn is that Men and Women have different ways in which they feel loved. They communicate in a different language.

Girls in order to feel loved need to be heard and validated. Meaning to say that when they have a shiite day they just need to talk about it, just it makes them feel so much better. Guys, we do not want solutions. Any of the solutions that you come up with we have already thought of. We just want you to listen to our shiite. N by doing that … we will think that you are the sweetest and most caring boyfriend in the world. N hey who is complaining, its less work for you!

For the guys. Well apparently honest appreciation is really important. The number one thing that you want to feel is that you are capable men. This means that you can do things without our help, but would like that to be acknowledged at the end.

Understanding Your Partners Needs: Everyone has rules. Everyone has rules to tell them when its time to feel loved and unloved. This falls under communication in the sense that you have to be able to talk to your partner to know your partner so that you can help them get their needs met, while they help you get yours met too. Its all about communicating in the right language and having the trust that this person is going to sick by you thick and thin.

Quality Time: So here is the thing. You can have this great partner who is right for you in every single way. But if you hardly get to see him, then there is no POINT! When I say quality time, I’m saying that you actually need to set aside time, that is just YOU and HIM/HER time. No one else. You can do something that you enjoy doing together or whatever. We are all busy these days, life is not normal if you are not busy. But making the time out to spend with your partner is so important when it comes to having a successful relationship.

I’m not just talking about watching a movie together. But I mean taking some extra time out of your schedule and planning something together. Its also good to have like date night where you can take turns on who gets to think of the ideas. But the most important thing that you are setting aside time to spend with your partner, rather than just spending time with them when you get the chance.

Time Apart: Some of you may be thinking. Say what?! It sounds like I’m contradicting myself right? Well not really. Ever heard the saying give someone the gift of missing you? Well I’m kind of applying that theory here. Yeh its great spent quality time with someone. But see I mentioned the word QUALITY. There is no point being with your guy or girl 24/7. Because no matter how good they are … you appreciate them more when you haven’t seen them all day or the past couple of days.

This is also important because it also prevents you from becoming too attached and needy. Meaning to say doing this will prevent your from becoming too needy and dependent on the other person. In essence what I’m trying to say, is that you still need to remember yourself and your own life. You still have your own things to do and you still have a fulfilling life even if he is not their beside you all the time.

Growth: I was saving the best for last. For a relationship to maintain its greatness, it has to grow. N the people within it have to grow together. It does not work if one person grows and the other person remains the same. That is usually the reason why most people do break up. In order to grow the people within that relationship have to have a common goal or something that they are striving for together. Some of the best marriages that I have seen are couples who are supporting each other in attainment of their dreams. Without this kind of direction and growth the relationship gets stale and unfufilling. Its great if people within the relationship can support and inspire each other in achieving each of their own or common goals.

With that being said. In answer to the second part of that question “what does it take to achieve that success?” Well I would have to say it takes a couple of things. At first it takes maturity, self love and respect. This is will get you into a relationship that is worthwhile. In order to maintain that then you will need, communication, patience, unconditionally love, self sacrifice, undying trust, empathy and the belief that this wonderful relationship that you have created is something that you well and truly deserve.

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