The Surrendered Alpha Female?! Is It Really Possible?
I just read an interesting blog post on Lone Chatelanine where she talked about her frustration with finding the balance between being an Alpha Female in the office and then being a Beta Female at home. I thought you guys might like to see my response to this, so enjoy =)
You can find the original blog post at
Hi There Gal,
Great article and can I say that I love the fact that your an alpha female in terms of career I think that it’s awesome, so well done!
I know exactly where u are coming from and I have had similar frustrations with men. I thought that by showing my appreciation for them, by doing all the little things for him like starting to do his washing, helping make the bed and cooking his food is like the perfect thing that anyone man would want.
That was until I came across this book, which I read shortly after my break-up with a guy I had been with for about 3 years! Now that was a really long time considering that he was my first boyfriend and I was only 16 at the time. But just because I was young (and stupid) doesn’t mean that I didn’t learn some of the same valuable lessons that women all over the world in their 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s are figuring out for themselves still!
Anyways I read this book called “The surrendered Single” and it totally made me aware of what I was doing to control that relationship. And I was doing so many things that were controlling that I didn’t even think were controlling either!
And may I make one point before I continue, I’m all for Alpha Females I live by that term and I definitely think that I am one, because I am very ambitious and independent and driven etc.
Now back to what were saying. I read this book and basically it was all about relinquishing basically all the control that you had been imposing on your man. And the end result was that when you relinquished this control, then your man could then step up and feels like a man. This would make you and him a much happier couple.
A man usually leaves a relationship because he thinks that the woman doesn’t have enough trust in him to be a man anymore. He doesn’t feel like he can be the masculine protective and capable man. And in terms of relationships with Alpha Females especially - to him its kinda like there are two males in that relationship and he cant compete anymore =)
One thing that this book made me aware of … was by me trying to help my man (under my terms) by helping him dress, telling him to eat at a certain time, telling him how he should take care of his finances. All of these things are forms of control because we want him to dress a certain way, eat a certain diet and go by a specific financial structure that we approve of. Not only does this imply to him that he is not capable of doing these things himself, it also feels to him like you are mothering him and let me tell you one-thing guys are not attracted to their mothers.
So sorry to say darl, but I think while you say that you are not being an Alpha Female in your personal life, in many ways you are. And let me tell you it is hard to let go of that control, to let go of the fact that maybe once in a while you partner may not dress the way you would want him to, to let go of the fact that some days he should have come shaven to dinner, but all you can do is trust that he wants to make you happy and if you encourage him rather than being demanding and manipulative that you will have must more fulfilling and happier relationships in the future.
Hope this helps and all the best
Hot Alpha Female =)
N remember “Love is a lot like dancing .. you have to surrender to the music”
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